Love Wins

Last weekend swimming in the river near one of the Salvadorans house with her, a student and her two younger cousins I once again couldn’t believe that this is my job. Obviously I’m not making the big bucks but it is a job- and it is the best one ever. I should probably just retire after this.. cause having this as my first real(ish) job out of college is gonna make finding one near as good after pretty hard.

The Romero program is the other arm of the Casa that provides housing, meals and spiritual formation to Salvadoran students. Going to University is nearly impossible for the majority of the country and those who get scholarships often live far away and have to travel 3 hours each way every day if they want to go to school. Kev and Tre realized it would be mutually beneficial if we could create a program for these students and give the American students access to Salvadoran peers. They are in the program for five years and their third year they live in the houses with the American students. Usually there are two per house but since we only have one house this semester we have SIX becarios living with us… and it’s amazing. The students have had the chance to get really close with them already and they bring a lot of life, experience, wisdom and diversity to our community. Every semester we spend a weekend at their houses so we can better understand the reality they come from and get to know them on a more intimate level.

Last weekend Michelle (one of the students) and I went to Lucy’s house and had the most amazing weekend. We were welcomed into their home with open arms, so much laughter and joy and a really beautiful willingness to share their story with us.  Lucy’s younger brother is in a wheel chair and after asking a few questions Lucy’s mom shared the story of finding out that he was born with a spinal disease (if I heard it in English I’d probably know what it is…but things still get lost in translation). The first three days the doctors didn’t tell her what was wrong and she barely saw him, and when they finally told her they said he would likely only live for three years. He is 17 today and when Lucy had something to do he happily came and chatted with us- he is SO joyful, intelligent, hilarious and affectionate. 

The next day when the whole staff was visiting Tere (the mom) told a little bit of the story and explained that Ronald is the greatest gift God has given her, and as the older brother rubbed his hands through his hair and his sister held his hand it was so clear how true that is for their family. Ronald has brought the family together and they have not let suffering have the last word. It is not very common to see an intact, functional, incredibly loving family in this country and being with them this weekend was so healing for me and gave me a lot of hope. Later Lucy’s dad shared his story- his parents leaving when he was 5- sleeping on some generous man’s floor for 12 years, hiding from both sides of the war so he wasn’t recruited and then falling in love with Lucy’s mom. He has worked so hard to be where they are today and again and again talked about the importance of his faith and spiritual education for his family- a beautiful family that had me in tears laughing telling jokes at the dinner table. I never want to sugar coat the suffering that exists in this country- or for Lucy’s family in specific. They have had to fight- so hard. They have to work, and have cried and hurt as they watched their son go through surgeries, get held back from school and be stuck in the house because the community is not fit for a wheel chair. But there is something more that continues to give me hope in the power of the human experience, of community, of love. For Lucy’s family, our students, so many I have encountered in this country and our own alike- if we let it, love wins.

The love that they have for each other manifests so clearly and I spent most the weekend with a huge smile on my face. We swam in the river, laughed til we cried at dinner, listen to Lucy sing while her older brother Nelson played the guitar and searched for a song we could sing together. The next day the Casa staff, their families and MY family came to visit for the day. Joan, Ettienne and Mekenna were here for a long weekend and it worked out really well for them to come see Lucy’s house with the rest of the staff. Joaney was amazed at how many people showed up- all voluntary- to see one of the students houses. Our staff is really special and we spent the morning preparing lunch and finding enough chairs for the 45 people that came. We heard more of their story, sang and played dinamicas, ate lunch and then went to the nearby waterfalls where we decided to swim in our clothes. Something about water makes me feel like a kid again- totally free and playful, a feeling that was so fun to share with Lucy and her family, some of the staff members and my brave aunt who swam in the waterfalls with me in her skirt J. We drank fresh squeezed orange juice, picked mangos off the tree to eat and were reminded of the simplicity of the life of so many in this country. I was amazed at their closeness to the land and their food and dreamed of ways to bring that home with me, trying to imagine if I could ever live in the campo of El Salvador. I don’t know if I could- but I absolutely love it and am taking notes of ways I will bring this home with me this time. We said goodbye Monday morning reluctantly- wanting to stay longer and at a loss for words to express our deep gratitude for letting us into their lives, sharing so generously with us- their home and food but even more special- their love and story. It was beautiful- and again I cannot believe that part of my job is to spend the weekend at a friend’s house getting to know her family, that’s what the world should be about.

This week is praxis week and the students are at their praxis sites for the whole week. Which means we get a little bit of down time. We went to the beach on Sunday and the last few days have been normal days for me. Staff meeting and check in and then two days of praxis. On Tuesday’s I am in San Ramon working with Annita who is the most bad ass amazing woman I have ever met. I lead a group for teenage girls, do an English class and then lead a group for women. It’s absolutely amazing and my favorite days are spent in San Ramon. It’s a beautiful mix of feeling like I am doing something genuine to who I am, my skills, my passion while also receiving so much and being close to the vulnerable, painful and beautiful Salvadoran reality. Plus being with Annita is so inspiring, she is the definition of “Casa Abierta”. She is the coordinator of a Christian Base Community and throughout the day people come in and out looking for a listening ear and the amazing, empowering support that she provides them. Wednesday’s I’m back at Cedro- my site when I was a student. I teach computer to the kiddos in the morning but mostly am just there to be with the family I created two years ago and fill the gap of not having students. It’s pretty special. And my life is pretty amazing. This semester is different but I love the chance to have more time with the Salvadoran’s, more time in the community and sometime to think about what’s next. I’ve been spending a lot of time writing essays for Grad School apps- and am so aware of how amazingly this place has formed me- and scared out of my mind to leave it.

“Its days like these that I never want to leave”

            Two days ago on the bus home from visiting the cooks, who are much more than cooks- moms, aunts, counselors, friends, laundry teachers, nurses and so much more I turned and said this to Ella. And as I look back on the last three days I could say that about every single one. I am most alive when I am with the Salvadorans… I feel so connected to gratitude, to why I am here, to this amazing gift of hearing people’s stories, being welcomed into their homes and sharing in life with these people who have become family and friends.

            Saturday we visited 3 of the 5 cooks homes. In each we were offered a seat, something (or many things) to eat and the story of these women who we share in everyday life with. We heard stories of loss from involvement with drug addiction, loss during the war, and loss of family who has left to the states. These women let us into their hearts sharing about the most difficult parts of their lives, letting go of friends, spouses and children- but still they keep opening up to us and letting us become friends and children for them. They radiate joy and love, in such an amazing way and show their love in the food that they cook for us everyday, the hugs and “Buenos dias” they greet me with every morning and the way they just know when someone is not doing well. They, like so many in this country and ours alike, have experienced great suffering, but have found great love, hope and faith. And have continued to give themselves to this world that continues to disappoint- and in that they have found life. Their stories are so sacred and it reminds me that so is each of ours, every single person that we encounter- so many of which we never hear. I am so grateful for the ways the Salvadorans have taught me the importance of our stories, of sharing them and finding that connection that we find in our common human experience of love and pain and the parts of us that are really all the same. I felt so at home, so present and just endlessly grateful. These women have opened up their homes for countless groups of students, just as the praxis sites and so many others- and they never seem to struggle to reinvest, to judge, or have an ending supply of patience and love. I am learning from the Salvadorans that this is what it is about- continuing to open myself, to give love and to reinvest in this world and let go of what I cant control- knowing that there is grace involved that makes beautiful, miraculous, unexpected things happen.

            Sunday Ted, Ella and I took the bust to visit William, our famous, chatty, hilarious vigilante for the afternoon. We have been meaning to visit all year and this semester are trying to be more proactive about these things- knowing that when the semester ends we wont have another to do all the things we forgot to do. And we were in for a treat. We walked into his home which is famous for the way he has used recycled materials to continue building and making it more and more homey. It has a beautiful porch overlooking the rolling green hills and the house is decorated with things he has found on the street and refurbished into something beautiful. You feel like you are a world away from the tight, sometimes uncomfortable homes that his neighbors just a few doors down live in. His family is amazing- open, close, hilarious and the most comfortable to be around. We had never been there before and felt like we were visiting old friends for the millionth time. All we did was hang out, sit around and chat and it felt completely normal- and just so wonderful. When I walked in his older daughter who is in her first year at the UCA was working on her statistics homework using SPSS, the same program I learned in my Sociology classes. She was stuck on a question and I helped her through it- amazed that of all places, I was using the SPSS skills I learned in a small town in El Salvador. And so grateful to share in this part of our education together, so grateful that she like so few has the opportunity to learn the same skills that I learned at Santa Clara, and that we had the chance to share in trying to understand that. We ate lunch and spent the whole time laughing and chatting, relaxed on the couches and heard the story of how William and Tita met. Its amazing that this place can feel like home- in so many ways, but it really does. And on the way home watching the clouds lit on fire by the orange sunset I thought to myself once again “its days like these I never want to leave”

            Last night I couldn’t sleep- the late afternoon cafecita does me no good, neither does my mind running trying to understand the many transitions these last months have given me. I knew today was going to be a long, full day- staff meetings all morning, then lunch, more meetings, secret amigo gift exchange and two people’s birthdays to celebrate. Mondays are our staff days and every single time I am reminded how unique and special this work environment is. We started our morning with a check in- honestly sharing how we are doing both with work things and personally. After 4 months of doing this it feels so comfortable and there is less and less that I hold back. Then after lunch and more meetings we commenced the birthday tradition of affirming the cumpleanero’s, each staff member taking a turn to thank the birthday girl/boy for the goodness they bring into our life. Ted,Ella and I sometimes stress out about these affirmations cause they are in Spanish. My heart beat speeds up as I try to think of what I want to say in Spanish and get more and more nervous for the moment when I will surely trip over my words and struggle to say everything I really mean. But then the affirmations start and I listen to the ways this team is a family, the love that exists, the way we really see each other and watch the faces of those who are being affirmed tear up, laugh, and listen closely to the others as they speak. And I just cannot believe how lucky I am to call this my job. Three hours later Trena reminds us how important this space is to what we do as a program, it is not a wasted afternoon but one that gives us the strength, basis of love and communication and gratitude we need to continue giving ourselves to each other and the program- and the fact that Kevin and Trena so deeply believe that is why this program does what it does.

            I dont how I got so lucky to spend this year here. And its not always easy. I miss home and friends. I struggle to understand how to accompany the students, to let go but also be there for them in the right balance. I get sick of the catcalls walking up the street, struggle with the machismo and miss spinach salads and greek yogurt. But… the Salvadorans remind me again and again why I am here. Why I came back and give me a glimpse into how this place continues to open and form my heart and seep into my blood. So grateful to visited the people I work with in their homes, to hear their stories, to feel like old friends with them, and tell them how amazing I think they are on their birthdays. I hope someday I can create a work environment like this for people in the states and I hope I can remember how much this stuff matters.