“Its days like these that I never want to leave”

            Two days ago on the bus home from visiting the cooks, who are much more than cooks- moms, aunts, counselors, friends, laundry teachers, nurses and so much more I turned and said this to Ella. And as I look back on the last three days I could say that about every single one. I am most alive when I am with the Salvadorans… I feel so connected to gratitude, to why I am here, to this amazing gift of hearing people’s stories, being welcomed into their homes and sharing in life with these people who have become family and friends.

            Saturday we visited 3 of the 5 cooks homes. In each we were offered a seat, something (or many things) to eat and the story of these women who we share in everyday life with. We heard stories of loss from involvement with drug addiction, loss during the war, and loss of family who has left to the states. These women let us into their hearts sharing about the most difficult parts of their lives, letting go of friends, spouses and children- but still they keep opening up to us and letting us become friends and children for them. They radiate joy and love, in such an amazing way and show their love in the food that they cook for us everyday, the hugs and “Buenos dias” they greet me with every morning and the way they just know when someone is not doing well. They, like so many in this country and ours alike, have experienced great suffering, but have found great love, hope and faith. And have continued to give themselves to this world that continues to disappoint- and in that they have found life. Their stories are so sacred and it reminds me that so is each of ours, every single person that we encounter- so many of which we never hear. I am so grateful for the ways the Salvadorans have taught me the importance of our stories, of sharing them and finding that connection that we find in our common human experience of love and pain and the parts of us that are really all the same. I felt so at home, so present and just endlessly grateful. These women have opened up their homes for countless groups of students, just as the praxis sites and so many others- and they never seem to struggle to reinvest, to judge, or have an ending supply of patience and love. I am learning from the Salvadorans that this is what it is about- continuing to open myself, to give love and to reinvest in this world and let go of what I cant control- knowing that there is grace involved that makes beautiful, miraculous, unexpected things happen.

            Sunday Ted, Ella and I took the bust to visit William, our famous, chatty, hilarious vigilante for the afternoon. We have been meaning to visit all year and this semester are trying to be more proactive about these things- knowing that when the semester ends we wont have another to do all the things we forgot to do. And we were in for a treat. We walked into his home which is famous for the way he has used recycled materials to continue building and making it more and more homey. It has a beautiful porch overlooking the rolling green hills and the house is decorated with things he has found on the street and refurbished into something beautiful. You feel like you are a world away from the tight, sometimes uncomfortable homes that his neighbors just a few doors down live in. His family is amazing- open, close, hilarious and the most comfortable to be around. We had never been there before and felt like we were visiting old friends for the millionth time. All we did was hang out, sit around and chat and it felt completely normal- and just so wonderful. When I walked in his older daughter who is in her first year at the UCA was working on her statistics homework using SPSS, the same program I learned in my Sociology classes. She was stuck on a question and I helped her through it- amazed that of all places, I was using the SPSS skills I learned in a small town in El Salvador. And so grateful to share in this part of our education together, so grateful that she like so few has the opportunity to learn the same skills that I learned at Santa Clara, and that we had the chance to share in trying to understand that. We ate lunch and spent the whole time laughing and chatting, relaxed on the couches and heard the story of how William and Tita met. Its amazing that this place can feel like home- in so many ways, but it really does. And on the way home watching the clouds lit on fire by the orange sunset I thought to myself once again “its days like these I never want to leave”

            Last night I couldn’t sleep- the late afternoon cafecita does me no good, neither does my mind running trying to understand the many transitions these last months have given me. I knew today was going to be a long, full day- staff meetings all morning, then lunch, more meetings, secret amigo gift exchange and two people’s birthdays to celebrate. Mondays are our staff days and every single time I am reminded how unique and special this work environment is. We started our morning with a check in- honestly sharing how we are doing both with work things and personally. After 4 months of doing this it feels so comfortable and there is less and less that I hold back. Then after lunch and more meetings we commenced the birthday tradition of affirming the cumpleanero’s, each staff member taking a turn to thank the birthday girl/boy for the goodness they bring into our life. Ted,Ella and I sometimes stress out about these affirmations cause they are in Spanish. My heart beat speeds up as I try to think of what I want to say in Spanish and get more and more nervous for the moment when I will surely trip over my words and struggle to say everything I really mean. But then the affirmations start and I listen to the ways this team is a family, the love that exists, the way we really see each other and watch the faces of those who are being affirmed tear up, laugh, and listen closely to the others as they speak. And I just cannot believe how lucky I am to call this my job. Three hours later Trena reminds us how important this space is to what we do as a program, it is not a wasted afternoon but one that gives us the strength, basis of love and communication and gratitude we need to continue giving ourselves to each other and the program- and the fact that Kevin and Trena so deeply believe that is why this program does what it does.

            I dont how I got so lucky to spend this year here. And its not always easy. I miss home and friends. I struggle to understand how to accompany the students, to let go but also be there for them in the right balance. I get sick of the catcalls walking up the street, struggle with the machismo and miss spinach salads and greek yogurt. But… the Salvadorans remind me again and again why I am here. Why I came back and give me a glimpse into how this place continues to open and form my heart and seep into my blood. So grateful to visited the people I work with in their homes, to hear their stories, to feel like old friends with them, and tell them how amazing I think they are on their birthdays. I hope someday I can create a work environment like this for people in the states and I hope I can remember how much this stuff matters.