Last week I had an interview for a position as a mentor on an immersion trip. I felt so at home talking about my time in El Salvador, the importance of entering into someone else's reality and out of our own and how it is in relationships where we are moved to look more closely at who we are in this world, what our role is and what we want to commit our lives to. I reminisced about my first immersion trips at Santa Clara and my experience at Casa as a student when my whole world was rocked open. It was then that I knew I wanted to commit my life to serving, celebrating the dignity and humanity of every single person, finding a way to voice the experience of those whose voices aren't heard and fighting for justice. But that was also the point that I came to know myself in a new way- the space they created for me to see what humanity was- that we are so similar even if our realities are so different. And in the midst of the rawness of their vulnerability and existence- I came to understand mine more fully.
A group of STM students are going to El Salvador for an immersion trip next week and I was telling someone yesterday how excited I am for them to find something there about themselves too. Because while the experience of engaging in a reality so different than our own is one of seeing how much we have in the comforts of our privileged life, reevaluating what we need, giving us perspective... it is so much more than that. Something moves within you when you go outside of yourself, your comfort zone, your routine. Something that I cannot prescribe for anyone else because it is so personal and individual but incredibly profound. I watched it move through every single one of my students last semester and have come to realize how much I miss the experience of being outside of myself. I knew I needed something more last semester. Classes felt suffocating, overwhelming and distant from a sense of reality, encounter and humanity that allowed me to be closer to myself every single day last year.
These last two months back have been so full, so unpredictable and wacky because of the snow and a little bit of a roller coaster. But I have been making connections, seeing how Theology and Social Work complement and build on one another, understanding my role here and feeling inspired and propelled to give more fully to this world- and so much of that is because of encounters with realities outside of my own.
I started a job at Crittenton Women's Union- a transitional homeless shelter for women and children not too far from where I live. I'm only there once or twice a week and in my position I'm not digging into the depths of these women stories or even becoming particularly involved in their lives. But I see their resiliency, their strength, the way they come together and the challenges of carrying their stories and trying to succeed as women, mothers, minorities, etc, etc in this world that does not take enough care of them. They make me laugh, challenge me and more than anything remind me how easy it is to connect with humans- no matter where we are coming from. I love the little moments of connection- when the barriers of worker vs guest, white vs non white, mother vs non mother break down- and we are just women, together in the world trying to make sense of life. While I sit and watch them interact with each other, hear their frustrations about the rules and every now and then get a glance of the suffering they carry, I start to make connections. It makes a little more sense why I am here, how I will use these degrees to empower people, celebrate our common humanity, create spaces for healing and growth and through small interactions work for justice in this world.
I am coming to realize how badly I need this encounter with humanity in the midst of studying about all that is wrong with the world. Last semester I felt like I was talking about suffering so much and felt so overwhelmed because it was all in books, theories and words that only amounted to problems. Unlike some people, I just don't find hope there- I find hope in the humanity, the resiliency, the humor, the joy, the love...in all the ways that hope, not suffering, has the last word. Things that I felt so connected to all the time in El Salvador last year, and don't come as naturally in this context. I feel more connected to that hope this semester, more connected to myself, more connected to the world and reminded why I am here.
The word encounter feels dangerous, just like every other word that implicates and functions in so many ways beyond what we give it value for. It risks power and separation but to me it is exactly the opposite. Sameness, togetherness, withness. I have found it at Crittenton and it has reminded me how important it is in so many other areas of my life. When the snow feels frustrating and suffocating , some time letting it touch my face makes me appreciate it more. When I am insecure about relationships, judgements, assumptions- honest and vulnerable conversation where we encounter each other's deepest truths is the only remedy. And as ministers we must encounter reality if we are going to make real meaning. It is so easy to get comfortable, to stay separate and keep going through the motions of my routine. But I am so grateful for the reminder to step outside of myself into the greater world, and in turn closer to myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment