SCU...a dream come true

I am here, living and loving the life of a college student. I am at my dream school, my first choice, the place that at one point seemed completely out of reach. It is absolutely everything I have ever dreamed of. My classes challenge my mind and force me to think about things that I have never before questioned. I have met so many fun and caring and awesome people, my floor is close as can be and spends so much time together. The sun is pretty much always shining. It is absolutely wonderful.

Compared to the world I was living in before, this is like a vacation. The farthest I ever have to go is a maybe ten minute walk, if that. I finally get to worry about me, and focus on my homework and my well being and not worry about if shes ok, or her mess. I have time to spare, to work hard on my homework, to workout, and even to relax. There is no frost on my windshield in the morning, no worry about if I have enough gas, my skin isn't always dry, I'm usually too hot if I wear a hoodie and jeans, not layering up to stay warm, and dresses a very acceptable, simple, and fun option. It's so different, so wonderful, so everything I've ever wanted.

I'm joining swim club with my wonderful neighbor Lauren, getting into Community Service programs helping kids and bringing food to San Francisco. I'm looking into immersion trips for the winter, looking for jobs, learning, and soaking up all the beauty of this place. I can not say this enough, it is EVERYTHING i have ever wanted. I love it here, so much, and know that only more good is to come.

I keep thinking, if everything in my life lead me here, it was all worth it, and even more...it was perfect, if this is what I get in return for all the challenges, hard work, sunshiney moments, for everything. I get to be in a new world, filled with beautiful new things, people, experiences and a new life. I am so lucky, so blessed, so fortunate to be here. My support group is amazing, everyone who's gotten me here...Jesse, my mom, my dad, Ese, Chels, Zachy, Dave, Tiff, Mindy, Liv, the whole world of people who were there for me and a part of my world in all the years that lead to this, thanks, for getting me here. Dont get me wrong I miss those guys, soon enough I'll miss the mountains, my bed, my mom being nearby and home, but this place is too amazing to not grab onto with everything I have. I'm here, and this is exactly where I want and need to be, so while I cherish those relationships, and skype with them and call them and share my journey with them, Im gonna live in the now, here at Santa Clara University, where I dreamt of since I visited in Febuary of Junior year. I love, its perfect, the end.

leaving, letting go, grabbing on, starting new

Tonight is my last night at home, and when I think of it like that it makes me kinda sad. I have lived in this same house for the entire 18 year span of my life, the same little town, with the same group of best friends and have never experienced this moving away thing. And as I pack up my life, and say goodbye to the beauty of the world I have created, the people I love so dearly, and a Colorado flavored life, I think of all the good, a little bit of the bad, and whats next. I have been dreaming of this forever, and I am so happy to be stepping into a huge deep end where I will be fully emerged into a totally new and different world, where I can experience so much that I have not yet encountered, and be challenged in ways I never knew possible, learn things my brain can not yet comprehend, and meet the people who before I know it will become a new branch of my family. Its crazy to know that in a few months that will be the life I will know and will be used to, when right now this life is so incredibly difficult to let go of. I love knowing that what is coming is gonna be absolutely amazing. I am so excited for every piece of it, and so lucky to get the experience I have dreamt and worked towards.

I have said goodbye to so many people, and most importantly my best friends in the entire world who have raised me and gotten me through every bump in the road. Zachy and Ese were so hard, and it breaks my heart to know I will be so far away from them, but I've learned that the best and most important relationships are the ones you can be millions of miles away from and come home and nothing will ever change. Forever and always with them and Dave and Chels and so many others, we will be best friends and it wont change and I am so lucky to have them in my world to guide me through life and hold me up and bring me more joy then I even knew possible.

Then there are the relationships that you know will change, and I guess one after another I will see how easily they truly do change. My heart was broken into a million pieces, by someone who I never thought had it in him. This thing that had been so great, despite a few bumps, suddenly is gone and its hard to know I can loose someone so meaningful so quickly. That I can go from being completely in love, to completely lost and hurt and having so much hate for so quickly. I have never had my heart broken before, and it is a feeling you can only understand if you have experienced it, and I have so much more empathy for those of you who have undeservedly felt the pain of a heartbreak. Im sad I had to loose him like this, someone who meant so much and I had so much respect and care for, just gone, like that. Its so hard and hurts so much. But...with time I will move on and I will be ok and I will grab onto this world so much tighter then I might have before and it will be a better way to transition into my world, and as always I will hold onto the sunshine in my world so that the rainclouds and the unexpected thunderstorms dont stop me from going out there and showing the world what I've got, so here I come, watch out world :)

I am so excited, and full of so many emotions, I will miss this life so much, my house, my mountains, my best friends, my mommy, I really will miss it with all my heart, but I know there are new experiences out there for me to learn and grow from, so i'm gonna go into it ready to soak it all up, and bring it back to share with all of you people who I wish I could take with me...sigh. Goodbye Colorado, Hello California. Here's to a year full of learning, growing, living, dancing, loving and dreaming.

one week

Still writing about leaving, still havent left. Seems like its taking forever, but that doesnt mean I believe it anymore then I did the day I found out I got into Santa Clara. I've started packing, gonna print out some pics for my dorm, down to the last few people to say bye to. Its really real, yet more so unbelievably surreal. As I let go, and say bye to some of the people that hurt the most, I have to remember it is a transition. I love knowing that with most people, the ones who matter so so so much, nothing will change, i will come home and they will be my best friends. Its hard knowing with others things will change. It is a transition, a new part of my world, its not heartbreak, its not goodbye, and I am about to embark on the journey of my dreams. So, I'm gonna try my very best to be excited, even after you leave and I am wishing you were here. Excited for you, excited for me. Cause this is soooo exciting. And I cannot wait for every moment. This leaving thing, as much as its been prolonged, I have been living every moment to the fullest like I never have before, getting the most mileage out of my time, spending quality time with people I wouldn't otherwise. Its a nice feeling. Then Im gonna go to school and do the same. Its gonna be great. GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT!