leaving, letting go, grabbing on, starting new

Tonight is my last night at home, and when I think of it like that it makes me kinda sad. I have lived in this same house for the entire 18 year span of my life, the same little town, with the same group of best friends and have never experienced this moving away thing. And as I pack up my life, and say goodbye to the beauty of the world I have created, the people I love so dearly, and a Colorado flavored life, I think of all the good, a little bit of the bad, and whats next. I have been dreaming of this forever, and I am so happy to be stepping into a huge deep end where I will be fully emerged into a totally new and different world, where I can experience so much that I have not yet encountered, and be challenged in ways I never knew possible, learn things my brain can not yet comprehend, and meet the people who before I know it will become a new branch of my family. Its crazy to know that in a few months that will be the life I will know and will be used to, when right now this life is so incredibly difficult to let go of. I love knowing that what is coming is gonna be absolutely amazing. I am so excited for every piece of it, and so lucky to get the experience I have dreamt and worked towards.

I have said goodbye to so many people, and most importantly my best friends in the entire world who have raised me and gotten me through every bump in the road. Zachy and Ese were so hard, and it breaks my heart to know I will be so far away from them, but I've learned that the best and most important relationships are the ones you can be millions of miles away from and come home and nothing will ever change. Forever and always with them and Dave and Chels and so many others, we will be best friends and it wont change and I am so lucky to have them in my world to guide me through life and hold me up and bring me more joy then I even knew possible.

Then there are the relationships that you know will change, and I guess one after another I will see how easily they truly do change. My heart was broken into a million pieces, by someone who I never thought had it in him. This thing that had been so great, despite a few bumps, suddenly is gone and its hard to know I can loose someone so meaningful so quickly. That I can go from being completely in love, to completely lost and hurt and having so much hate for so quickly. I have never had my heart broken before, and it is a feeling you can only understand if you have experienced it, and I have so much more empathy for those of you who have undeservedly felt the pain of a heartbreak. Im sad I had to loose him like this, someone who meant so much and I had so much respect and care for, just gone, like that. Its so hard and hurts so much. But...with time I will move on and I will be ok and I will grab onto this world so much tighter then I might have before and it will be a better way to transition into my world, and as always I will hold onto the sunshine in my world so that the rainclouds and the unexpected thunderstorms dont stop me from going out there and showing the world what I've got, so here I come, watch out world :)

I am so excited, and full of so many emotions, I will miss this life so much, my house, my mountains, my best friends, my mommy, I really will miss it with all my heart, but I know there are new experiences out there for me to learn and grow from, so i'm gonna go into it ready to soak it all up, and bring it back to share with all of you people who I wish I could take with me...sigh. Goodbye Colorado, Hello California. Here's to a year full of learning, growing, living, dancing, loving and dreaming.