warm and fuzzy

I am a cheeseball beyond belief. And this right here is going to justify that


Every wednesday I spend two hours helping latino elementary schoolers read, its a requirement for my Sociology class. Tonight we had a reflection where myself and 5/6 other students at other elementary school placements just sat and talked about how our placements were and how the kids are and how it effects us and all this touchy feely stuff. And I walked away feeling right at home.  We just talked about how important we are to this kids and how the littlest thing can make a huge difference for them. And once again I was reminded of my passion and love for helping kids and how I just want to surround myself with people who have the same passion and someday in my life that is what I want to do, somehow.


I thought about Young RYLA and how it is perfect and how much i love it
And i thought about the kiddos that cling on and how the attachment goes both ways. And how I want to commit myself to more time with kids and have that be a life long thing, cause more than anything else it fuels me to be better and bigger and makes me love life and see things in a totally different perspective. And how much I admire people who feel the same and who can open their eyes to differences and step back and remind themselves of how fortunate they are and who have their priorities a little more similar to mine than others.


My heart is smiling right now. And when it does this I gotta grab on to the feeling and run, cause Im guilty of forgetting, of getting caught up in my own little silly life and getting in ruts. So right now Im gonna promise myself again to do things with kids, all sorts of ages and backgrounds and places for the rest of my life in whatever shape I can. :)

sparknotes

I havent wrote for quite sometime. For lots of reasons. There has been lots of life happening. So I will give some spark notes. Starting with tonight.


I just went for a run at 11:00 pm in shorts and a windbreaker, its February. It had just rained so the air felt fresh and was filled with the smell of rain, there was a little bit of mist on my shoulders and I was alone with my music and nature. Granted I live in the middle of the city I still felt alone with nature. The wind blowing, the palm trees swaying, the little snails and worms that we're out with the rain, the clouds and the moon shining through.  It was really peaceful.


My mom was here all weekend and it was great to have her and also somewhat exhausting. We hung out all weekend with Jes and Kylie and it was lots of fun. It was nice to have her here. And in all honesty its nice to be home with my friends again in my own little world. 
So now Im gonna go from a couple weeks back.


I may or may not have had a small crisis in my head. Of who am I and what am doing and wanting to do with my life. All of a sudden I was really questioning me, maybe more than I ever have before. I spent my whole life dealing with other peoples problems and all of a sudden it seemed like me was a little more confusing than I thought. It was good though, really made me think and evaluate what I want right now, and after a little bit of a roller coaster has left me in a better place. 


I realized I needed a little change. A little focus on me and figure me out. A little, be in college and enjoy every second and use this time to figure yourself out. So figure myself out I will and learn and grow and see and play :) In the midst of that I died my hair brown,thats when Zachy called this a mid life crisis, cause of the brown hair dying not the crazy life thoughts, haha :) its fun and hair and temporary, so whatever.


I have been doing some serious adventuring lately and seeing and feeling and living and being and I absolutely love it. Im a dreamer. And when I adventure I relate everything to how that would fit into my life or how someday it might.  Or how it fits in to other peoples life.  Ive been dreaming of a yellow house with a pretty garden.  Big windows.  Lots of laughing and smiling and mornings spent on the deck in the sunshine with tea.  I told you im a dreamer.  I went to Tahoe with Jesse and it was so great, we left at 5am and the drive was gorgeous and we talked about life the whole 3 hour drive while watching the sunset and the landscape change from city to windmills to vineyards and orchards to wide open rolling green country side, to mountains and SNOW and skiing in California.  The next day I went to the beach with the girls. I love it. I am absolutely in love with this place and this life and where I am. And sometimes it just takes a bit of unsure to become a little more sure.


I also decided to give up sweets for lent. Not so much in an effort to be catholic (shh dont tell) but more so in an effort to test my will power.  I've done good so far, we'll see how long it lasts.


OH OH OH! SO SPRING BREAK 2010! Hayley, Keely, Lauren and I are going to San Diego for the week and we will be spending the week seeing, feeling, being, living and ADVENTURING! Oh boy that is my most favorite thing to do.  Hayley has a whole week of sites and beach time and bike rides and hikes and Disney Land and all sorts of fun planned for us and it is gonna be a blast. Especially considering the fact that we spend 80% of our time together on the verge of tears from laughing so hard. I cant wait!


Spring registration is Wednesday. How on Earth can we be that close to the end of our freshmen year. Blows my mind. I know there has to be more but of course I cant think of it right now, so...I'll think. And be back, someday.

thank you Eric, for everyday

There is a picture above my bed of Eric feeding me when im tinsy winsy, still in the hospital. that picture inspires me, makes my heart bigger, my world make more sense, my life more precious.  there is another one of jess and him holding me, he's looking at me with this priceless look on his face. very very loving and a little bit of "good luck in this life, you can do it with a little bit of, or you'll learn how to" i cant quite put my tongue on it, but a little bit of welp, here we are, what can i teach you before i leave. if only he knew, actually i think he does. how much he has taught me. how much seeing him giving me that look and holding me and looking into my eyes like i have the answers, if he only knew how looking at that everyday changes my life. changes my outlook. reminds me of all i have. all ive learned. all i have left to live. and how important everyday is. and how loved i am. he makes me feel more loved than anyone else in the whole entire world. one look, the very very few pictures, those are the things that remind me how much i have. even from more far away than we can ever understand, he reminds me of some of the most important things in life. and makes my heart feel better and all of me feel more at home, cause he is here with me, always, everyday, in that picture, in the blue sky and sunshine and blowing palm trees, in the water, in the snow, the rain, the everything. I am a lucky girl to have had him, to have learned from him and to always and forever get to have him in my life.