Unmistakable Sureness

Have you ever felt like someone nicely, excitedly, gently grabbed your heart and put it on the table and your heart looked up at you and said "HEY DO THIS!!!"

I feel that.

I have never ever in my life felt so sure about something so scary before.
I have felt this feeling of not being able to stop smiling, of goosebumps covering my body, of tears welling up in my eyes, of universe aligning and telling me something here and there.
But I am feelin it big time.

I went to another talk about El Salvador tonight. Called "Do You Love the World Enough to See It?" Father Mark who is one of the main professors, jesuits, souls of the Casa program in El Salvador showed pictures, told stories, showed videos and explained the pillars of the program. But really its the feelings that he conveyed that had my heart on the table jumping all over the place yelling at me that this is where I am supposed to be.

I cant put the feeling into words but El Salvador next fall is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. And my heart is so dang sure of it. Its gonna be scary and hard and its gonna rock my world. But that is exactly what I need. The little giggles of the Salvadoran kids, the connection of with the community, the excitement about classes because what they are teaching is what you are living.. it all sounds like the most perfect thing ever. Scariness, courage, vulnerability, compassion.. opening my heart and my mind and having everything I know get tossed around a little. That is exactly what I need.

I was telling the women of my soul recently that I haven't ever really signed up for a challenge. Life has thrown me some scary stuff, I've shed my fair share of tears, and have been on a rollercoaster ride. And all the ups and downs and what ifs and challenges, those have made me. And although I dont want anybody to feel some of that pain I cannot imagine not experienceing those things... but they really had nothing to do with me. I just happened to be leaning on the tree that fell but I never was the one who really had my roots ripped out and my whole world turned upside down. And even if it felt like it I sure as heck never asked anyone to flip my world for me.

But this time.. Im signing up for it. I'm writing the essays, filling out the application, and choosing to go into a crazy, scary and amazing part of my life. And I couldnt be more excited. Im scared, Im worried I wont be able to speak well, I know Ill be far away. I know Ill have days where Ill wish I could be home where things are how Im used to... but just as much as it will be hard.. it will be amazing. It will show me what matters. It will force me to search deep down into the core of who and what I am and come back still searching but maybe directed more in the way I should be headed.

The feeling is out of this world. And I am so so happy that this is where I am headed and so so very thankful for the people who have helped me to find this direction.

I dont really have the world to sum this up... cause its just the beginning of sooo much. The universe is a crazy force and learning to hear it and feel it is such an important thing