You know what I should be doing right now... homework. HOMEWORK?!? Ahhh scary. Its funny how for the past month and a half of summer I have sat down numerous times to write a blog post and it just wouldn't come. But when I have homework to do it seems that writing a blog post is the best and easiest decision i could possibly make.
A few things. I had an amazing summer, I thought about (and started three blog posts that never finished about it) as the summer of love again and again. I am overwhelmed by how much goodness flowed from the minute I stepped onto U.S. soil, even and especially in the midst of some change and ouchies and just plain old life. I got to spend seriously quality time with so many people I love and just really was present to every single moment of goodness, friendship, family and people that I love to smithereens. I dont have enough words for it, I am beyond blessed with a lot a lot of love in my life and the last month of summer filled me to the brim with it. Paraguay was a lot of things.. beautiful, challenging, inspiring, discouraging and sometimes really boring but it was also a good time for me to learn to love myself again. And then I came home and was reminded of how huge of a community of support I have and how much life and love they give me. 5 days in Seattle with my best friend after 6 big months of growth of total soul food, 5 days in Milwaukee full to the brim of Casa love, so much laughter, talking about the pains and beauty of this world and our place in it all, 10 days at home where I completely 100% fell back in love with Colorado.. the people, the sights, the home feeling and all the wonderful memories I have there, loved on some littles who totally have my heart, vegged on my couch and had some quality mama time and spent a wonderful silly weekend with my best friends and finally 4 days in Michigan reading by the lake that has been an oasis since I was just a little girl with blonde pig tails getting yelled out for not washing the sand off my feet before coming in. It was too good to be true and really left me ready as could be to come back to this amazing year. I am so so grateful for every single moment and all of the people who just shower me in love and goodness... I will never be able to say thank you enough times, and really what more could I ask for in life.
I have been so excited for this year since the slow process of settling into this house began when I came home from Paraguay... excited to have a whole year in one place, excited for the renewed feeling of being strong and sure in myself, connected, motivated and just inspired to be here in a way I couldn't be when I got back in January and so many other things. I have just felt so ready for it.
And as soon as I got on that plane in Michigan the year was in full force with everyone finally home moving in at once, SCCAP cars to be washed, office to be cleaned and retreat to be planned and BAM less than 24 hours later we were on our way. It was so good. SO SO good. SCCAP brought me out of my weird freshmen year shell into Casa, International Development and so many people and things I love about this place and it just couldn't feel more right to be back at it again, on a little bit different side doing a little more giving because now I can give... but I also am getting so much. Our staff is amazing, inspiring, hillarious, committed and ready to make SCCAP whatever it needs to be to bring goodness to the Santa Clara community and to connect students with populations that break open our hearts, to fall in love and to support each other, to bring their volunteers on board and to have a whole lot of fun. So good. Also... lap tag is the most hillarious game ever.. look it up.
I came home to some serious settling needing to be done and with the help of my lovely Mama and some stay up all night instead of sleeping motivation my room finally feels like home. And senior year has officially started. It feels good... really good. Having both Hayley and Margot in this house is the best thing I could ever ask for and Margot turned what used to be a nasty shed into a cozy little home that is great for snuggling and exactly what she needs. As we walked home from a barbeque together Sunday night we talked about how much things have changed, how right it feels to be here and how good this year is going to be. Last year was a rollercoaster and coming out of it strong and excited for more is so great. Its a big contrast but that really sucky feeling 6 months ago is a constant reminder to not take all this goodness for granted and now its a new, real, deep, honest goodness- not just a wide eyed and bushy tailed, everything is wonderful lets not talk about anything that might not be, kinda goodness. Im all in and I am STOKED.
This new friend I have called anxiety got the best of me on Tuesday night after a conversation about GSB that had me thinking about my research effecting grad school and jobs, what Im gonna do with my life, what the best way to make social change is and if I'm even cut out to be thinking about these things followed by a Capstone class that is also too stressful and a quite busy schedule. That snuggle shed and a soul sister who just knows me was there to remind me that I gotta slow down sometimes and I had a few good conversations about how important it is to take care of ourselves. I am part of this large group of people who want to go, go and go to give to this world and sometimes get so overwhelmed we crash and burn.. and I am now advocating for the "we cant give to anyone else if we cant give to ourselves" morale and responded to Tuesdays overwhlemed with a slow, take some time for me Wednesday morning. Ebb and flow baby. I feel balanced again and am inspired by the things that are keeping me busy and slowly feel like I am finding ways to make my schedule manageable and will be in a routine next week. YAY!
Im right where Im supposed to be. I have so much goodness to be involved with and I am beyond excited for this year. I have this feeling it might be the best one yet.. like Im not just saying that, Im so much stronger on my feet, know where I want my heart to be committed and thus feel so excited to give my whole heart to those things. I have a community of people I love to smithereens... some to just laugh and be silly with and some that will have the conversations my heart loves to have. Some that I just met and others that feel like they have known me my whole life. Im stoked about my classes and have faith that my life will come together just as its supposed to and step by step I will find my way into what to do with this life. So... on the days that I feel overwhelmed with the big picture I will remind myself of the little things and on days when I get lost in the logistics, emails and too much to dos, I will remind myself of the big picture. Life is good.. like really freaking good.
Now Im gonna go love on my little Karina... bliss <3 br="br">
So nice to read about how you are doing back at school. We miss you in the high country. The leaves are beyond gorgeous and the weather is breathtaking.
ReplyDeleteDo your yoga and rub your sternum for that little friend called anxiety.
Love you mucho.
Susan