A Manifesto for a New Chapter

I'm on the plane to Boston. The beginning of the flight I put my sweatshirt over my head and cried my little eyes out. Leaving Kylie, Jes and Cooper was really hard. Then I slept for a while and woke up to the most intense turbulence ever... And was telling myself we wouldn't crash, we're good at flying, while squeezing my eyes shut actually terrified I wouldn't make it to Boston. Then I started reading the book "In the Company of the Poor" And felt connected to El Salvador and my choice to go to BC for grad school. Most people don't know this but I'll be studying Social Work and Pastoral Ministry. I usually just say Social Work because I don't want to explain.. And would have never expected to be studying theology.. But here I go. Flying to Boston for a dual degree. 

As I read it reminded me so much how this decision came about. And that although leaving Cooper, Jes, Kylie and The Bay was really freaking heart wrenching it's so right that I am starting this new chapter. In El Salvador I came to understand Liberation Theology- a faith that acts for justice, that makes a preferential option for the poor, that is based in an understanding of God's love and our human responsibility to share that love and fight for justice. That just makes so much sense to me- so much more sense than how I understood the church for so many years pre SCU- judgmental, exclusive, hurtful, aloof. The church I want to be a part of is not like that. And the reason I decided to study Pastoral Ministry- where I will learn how to put faith and theological reflection into action is because I feel like too often the power of the church is used in hurtful ways. And there need to be more people fighting for the poor, for love, justice, equality. And really acting on a daily basis. Thus- Social Work and Pastoral Ministry. What feels like me the perfect combo to help me continue understanding the deep poverty and suffering I encountered in El Salvador, along with the hope, joy and faith that will forever motivate me to fight for something different. Cause the world is not right.

So- as I fly to Boston I am thinking about who I am, what I carry with me and how even though Theology school and the East Coast sometimes feel terrifying I know that I can handle it- and have become a woman who is ready and excited for this next step in this past amazing year of growth, love, challenges and reality. The Casa students write a manifesto towards the end of their time there.. Here is mine. 

I believe that the world is not right- that too many people have way too much, while so many more don't have enough. I believe we have a responsibility to be aware of what we have- and how our privilege, which comes from being born in a certain place, with a certain color of skin, gender, socioeconomic status, etc- is really intertwined in what other people don't have. I believe we have a terrifying ability to create boundaries in our heads- to be in our comfortable worlds and forget about the rest- and that is how these unequal and painful structures continue. 

But I also believe in love and hope and faith. I believe that a different reality is possible- and so many forces- here on earth in the flesh and some we will never know, see or understand are fighting against suffering. The Salvadorans taught me this in their commitment to life, constant struggle for something more and deep deep belief in a God who is with them. I believe that we can work together and find hope, progress and life in that. And while I will die before poverty and suffering are eliminated we can make a dent- a larger dent with the more people that are committed to working TOGETHER- to empowering ourselves and the oppressed to understand that we are ALL worthy of life, happiness, love, safety, health and dignity. 

I have a deep love for and commitment to Latin America. I know that there are so many parts of the world that are in need- but the personal connection I have fuels my fire, gives me hope and energy to keep fighting. And I love working together with people who's passion lies somewhere else, learning from them and the comradaree that comes in a common struggle for something better.

I want to work with women. I saw the pain, mistreatment, feeling of being forgotten, left behind and less than that women in El Salvador experience so deeply. And I know that women across the world feel that. I believe in fighting for equality- standing up against what the world tells women we should be. Joining forces with other women to remember we are more than our looks, our ability to take care of others, our endlessly hard working cores- we are more than what the idea of a woman is too often belittled too. We are strong, intelligent, loving, independent and we also need each other- we need love, care, affirmation, recognition for our souls, our brains, our hearts and our bodies too.

I believe in family. The ones who we share blood with and those we do not. I believe we need each other- we need to call people and receive phone calls just to say I love you. We need to show up. We need to laugh together, cry together and be vulnerable with each other. We need our pains and joys to be heard and affirmed. We need companions in this life. And we need to see each other, sacrifice for each other, listen to each other and have balanced give and take relationships. 

I believe in community. People to hold us accountable, make us laugh, remind us what is important in this world and bring about joy, hope and faith in times when the darkness in our world is overwhelming.

I believe in vulnerability. And believe that too often pride, fear, society- so many things get in the way of it. I spent so many years of my life convincing the world I was ok, my world was ok and I didn't need anyone. And boy was I wrong. I believe that if we were more honest about our pains, fears and needs we would be so much healthier. We would share the burden and take care of each other instead of hiding and turning to unhealthy vices to survive, to be ok, to fake it til we make it. I believe we should be honest when relationships aren't quite right, we should be honest when we aren't being our best, we should let our feelings show and feel them instead of always being strong and ok. And I believe that is so much easier said than done ;)

I believe every single one of us has a story and a universe inside of us. One filled with pain, joy, memories, people, hopes and fears that make us who we are and lead us to act how we do- sometimes in beautiful ways and other times hurtful ways. But I believe if we remember that everyone is coming from their own story and experiences we can all have more compassion- talk through these hurts and overcome painful patterns caused by painful pasts so that we can all live and love better. I believe in therapy to do that- I believe everyone should go and that the stigma around it is such a barrier to living life more fully.

I believe in spending time outside, soaking in fresh air and the beauty of this planet. I believe in putting my toes in the ocean, smelling flowers, skipping through fields and plunging in freezing cold water. I believe in exercise- because it nourishes my body, reminds me of my strength and ability- and also my weakness. I believe in good food. I believe that everyone should have access to all these things- and am heart broken that so many people don't.

I believe in God. A god that loves me unconditionally and loves every single person unconditionally. A god that wants me to fight to bring that love to everyone. A god that wants justice and needs people to be his/her hands and heart in making his/her dream a reality. I believe in a god that is not judgmental, that wants women to have equal opportunities in the church, that believes everyone has the right to love and marry whoever they want, that the poor deserve the upmost care, concern, love and empowering relationships to bring them out of suffering. That we are all equally deserving of love and life. That we don't mess up as much as the church/ bible say we mess up. That is forgiving. That is present. A god that is understood differently by every single person across the globe but is the same source of love, life and hope.

I believe in me. The suffering I have overcome. The courage I have had in doing that. My ability to love, create community, hold people's joys and sufferings and love with my whole heart. I believe in my decision to come to Boston- to study theology even though I am terrified I don't know enough. I believe in my experiences and relationships as deep knowledge. My love of learning and desire to understand. And I believe in my commitment to justice- love- life- equality for EVERY SINGLE person as enough to help me when I am lost in the next three years. I believe these degrees will help me better understand how to fight for justice and love. I believe in my voice, my ability to stick to and stand up for what I believe- to be radical and misunderstood in order to fight for the people I love. I believe I will hold tight onto the friendships I will be far away from. And the friendships I will make. I believe I deserve deep, equal, honest, healthy love. I believe in who I am coming into this new chapter and the growth that will cause continued becoming.

And I can't wait to see what the future holds. So- here's to goodbyes, terrifying flights, books and new chapters that make you think about who you are. Here's to a new adventure. To being courageous, honest, radical, brave and deeply loving.