a feeling

This morning I had a little bit of a freak out moment, well it started last night and lasted through this morning. I was taking a psych class that was really doing me no good, trying to get into a spanish class and  needed a few options so I could drop Psych and in case I didnt get into spanish.  Its kinda late to add classes so their werent many options so I searched and searched in the mean time sitting in on spanish classes trying to get teachers to let me in.  Last night I finally had some options of classes to add and find out I had a hold on my account, I figured Id call in the morning and that let it off so i could add classes.  After calling a million times I found out to put it nicely I owed a lot of money. Id being telling my dad about the bill for months and it hadnt been paid.  A lot of money needed to be paid right then in order for any schedule changes to be made, my schedule must be almost final by tomorrow and one spot opened up in the spanish class this morning. Freaking out I called the troops (mom, dad, Jes) frantically and over and over again until we got a hold of dad.  I did and with a few different methods we got the late bill taken care of a i got into the spanish class PHEW. Do you feel like you ran a marathon? I sorda did.  Granted it all came together which was pretty lucky but it gave me some serious moments of frustration and I CANT RELY ON ANYONE feelings along with the regular um can I please have a money tree outside my window.  Money is  a crazy thing, its crazy how much of it is here, its crazy how much we dont have and its hard to have to rely on other people for it. Thats why i am in desperate need of a job, and a student loan in my name so I can take care of payments and it can be my responsibility. That way I can make them on time and if I dont its my own fault not someone else putting me in a bad position.  I learned that through life that I kinda could just fend for myself for the most part, college is a funny mix of fending for yourself and seriously needing some help in the financial realm, so we're figuring it out.


I also think (Im scared to even say this) that maybe Im figuring out this whole major thing, I havent quite got to the job part but Im feeling pretty good about Sociology and English. I was gonna take Psych to explore and see if I wanted to major in it, within the first two days I just felt pretty turned off by it. Honestly I think it has to do a little or maybe more with everything with my mom.  I dont really wanna think that deep into all that, or anyone else. I dont wanna mess up my kids by being the crazy psychologist. Plus...there is more.  Psych is for the most part a study of how the brain and person work from the inside out.  Sociology is a study of how people effect others and life effects people from the outside in.  That appeals to me more.  In life, my life very much so, there is a lot that is out of your control, things happen to good people, life happens, kids deal with things they should not have to, I wanna be the person that helps people deal with those things, I dont necesarilly wanna deal with all the sciency brain stuff and figure out why people are already messed up I wanna help them figure out the things that may potentially mess them up. Haha, Im pretty sensitive.  Seriously though, Im super into the sociology stuff right now, Im taking a Soc class about education and i just think its all cool.  So...we'll see where that goes. Also, i like english- writing, reading and it will let me teach, help me if i decide to go to law school or really any grad school.  Im scared to declare it, but Ive been thinking about this for a while and it seems to continue to be reinforced, so thats a good sign :)


I really like my classes this quarter.  Im interested to see how spanish goes, havent taken it since junior year so its gonna take a while to get back in the swing of but thats ok. I used to love spanish and im excited to see how it goes.  My ethics class is interesting, some of the ppl are gonna make my head hurt but thats a good thing and the professor seems good. My sociology class is called self, community and society and its about education and i think its really cool.  Like Im just super interested in it and the professor is really good and Im excited, plus every Wed I do two hours at this cool elementary school working with the kiddos, I love that.


Things are good, things seems to be good the majority of always :) and i like that. And I have this feeling and I like it a lot. This feeling where my heart smiles and i cant stop smiling and I look forward to a name in my phone. Its wonderful.