to the end of the earth

I am the person that would go to the end of the earth for any one of my friends at any time.  I thrive off of being there for others, and knowing that when I need them they will be there for me.  I don't do confrontation when it comes to my own problems, I'll stay quiet and let people walk all over me forever before I will stick up for myself or create drama, I don't ever wanna be a burden on anyone.  But when it comes to my friends I will fight for them as much as I need to.  I cant leave people hanging alone to deal with life on their own, nobody should have to deal with life on their own even if they put themselves in a stupid position. We are human, we make mistakes, we feel things that we don't wanna feel and respond to those emotions in ways that may not be the most logical or beneficial.  Case in point, I will drop everything to help the people I care for be happy and healthy.
Last night I cleaned up puke, a flooded bathroom, held someones hair, chased after upset drunk ppl, and spent tons of time trying to make everyone feel better. And, I would do it again in a heart beat. But, it is a little bit hard to be the person who would do anything for other people, and to be surrounded by people who for whatever reason, see the world a little differently.  My mom taught me to care for people, to fend for myself, but to always be there for other people.  I am so glad I have that in me.  I wish more people had that.  The ability to watch out for themselves and other people.  Its like people come to college and after all these years of being watched out for they just go crazy and forget that I dunno, this is reality and too much alcohol means you'll be sick and making funky decisions leads to drama. I love my friends to death and I have no judgement and no frustration towards any of them. Its just a little scary.   Im happy Im the person taking care of not being taken care of.  Sometimes people say I do too much, maybe I should let people figure it out for themselves or they will rely on me too much and it will just be a cycle.  Maybe, but there is no piece of my heart that can watch someone i care about cry or puke or stare at the wall completely confused and say, you'll be ok, just figure it out. I called my mom, so after all the taking care of I could get a little love, and she was all worried about me always taking care of people, and ya it's not fun, but somebody has to do it, and its just in my nature.  So, hopefully people will slowly figure it out. And hopefully I wont have many more nights that are as insanely dramatic as last night, but I will keep taking care of people.  


On top of all that, Im feeling a little antsy.  First quarter it was fun to go out and meet people, this quarter I guess Im not that into it.  I wanna go do things that mean something and see places and broaden my mind.  Not really hang out with a bunch of drunkys.  I need to find someone or a group of someones who feel more that way.  My friends are into the party scene, not all of them but those of us who aren't so much into it kinda just tag along to ya know watch out for them.  I wanna go see things and enjoy myself and meet people and laugh and learn.  So, I'm on a mission to make better use of my Friday nights, and my Saturday nights, and really my free time.  Granted its college, every once in a while I wanna go out and meet people and enjoy that scene.  But, more often I wanna do something else that ends with knowing people better and laughing a lot and enjoying myself.  And i'll still just be a phone call away when the shit hits the fan.  I wanna adventure, oh man do I wanna adventure so bad.