i just booked a plane ticket home. a one way plane ticket home. and it pinged at my heart a little. I cant even begin to think about it or really say much about it cause its big, but wow, freshmen year is almost over. That is the craziest thing I have ever heard. How long did we wait for this to come? How long did we agonize about wanting out of high school. And now its suddenly week 5 and I will be home for the summer in 6 weeks. And so much has changed, I have grown and learned so much and have been so incredibly inspired to keep learning, growing and adventuring until the end of forever. I'm nervous and excited to go home. Excited to be in the mountains, to play outside, to spend time with my best friends and that funny little family they all have created for me. I'm excited to work, and do me things and just kinda be there making whatever out of it that I want. I'm scared of being bored, being away from this life, these friends, the constant go and learn and see and do that is this life. I'm scared of dealing with the life that I wanted to leave behind, but that I have learned you can never just leave behind, forever you are connected, forever it matters and forever you will have to and want to make that life something better. Take the things from here and put them into there. I'm nervous for all the things I ran away from to be back in my face. But its good for me, it will be a whole lot of good, I just know there will be times I will be going crazy, and I love it here so much Im not quite ready to trade it in. But, what can ya do?
Been dealing with some interesting life. Some things I wish and hoped would just have figured themselves out by now but never do. Some things that hurt down to the core and make me think long and hard about real life matters. Things that point out to me how lucky I am, how precious life is, how precious the people I love are and the times that we get together. I am scared, scared of something Im not big enough to fight, scared of something I cant understand and nobody can, scared of something that is completely out of my hands and really big and scare. And have so much hope that it will get better, that people are strong and know how much they matter. Hopeful that once again we can get over this hump, hopeful that one of these times sooner than later will be the last time.
Also has me thinking about all these remember whens. I guess I think about those anyways. But member when we went through all this together. Member when we laughed and cried and played and dance. Member when we lived in that life, in that world, side by side. All of us. Member when you all held me up, filled in my cracks, watched me crack and shine. Member when? How lucky am I to have so many people to think about when I think about the whens and who are still part of the now, who are watching me shine and break still to this day, who fill in the cracks, the blanks when I cant quite put my thoughts together. Its a good life. A crazy scary good life but as I always say it is amazing because of the people I have. The people who care and would drop anything for me and who have been there with me through so much up and down. To take my shoe shopping, buy me groceries, wipe my tears, make me laugh, give me wisdom, take me on adventures, play with me, and be the most wonderful friends in the world. Lucky me :)
I think I'm gonna declare sociology tomorrow. I feel like its time. I still have a constant quarrel of what I'm gonna do with my life. But I know I love sociology, and from there I will figure out what to pair it with, how to make it into a career. Somehow I'll figure it out. Its an exciting adventure :)
Heres to life, figuring it out, learning, loving, growing and even being scared. Its all part of the deal, and I'm glad I got in on that one :)
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