Running with RYLA

Good morning world :)


Im sitting in Abbys drinking an Americano.. yummy a new found coffee love thanks to 3 hours of sleep a night at RYLA and some serious need for coffee.  I stayed with Zachy at his new condo last night and got up early with him.  Im gonna work on RYLA debriefing and then go rollerblade. But first.. I had thoughts.


I wrote the other night of all the wonderful and love and out of this world of RYLA. And I closed my computer and my heart felt a weird mix of whole and incomplete. Whole cause I have had this experience again, whole because I have the most amazing family from this experience I could ever ask for, cause my kids were empowered, cause I was empowered, cause I know I will take it with me forever and always wherever I go. And incomplete cause its over, incomplete cause the transition home is always harder than I want it to be. Cause I missed those people next to me laughing, telling stories, cuddling, reminding me off all the amazing things in the world, all the amazing things I want to do and be, and constantly surrounding me with love.  Incomplete cause of the unknown of next year, cause of the scariness of life, my life, your life, the kids life, all of life. Its so scary, so unfair, so so many things.  I was funking.  Laying on the couch curled up eating chocolate chips trying to figure out how to feel good about home after being in a place where feeling good isnt even a thought cause you just do.. every minute all the time.


So I called in the ranks. Sent out text messages to remind me how much good and love and hope there is in the world.  Talked to Kels and Stan and Miguel and Kerry and all these people about how much I love them, how thankful I am to have them. I called Mik and we talked a little RYLA and a little real life.  And I fell asleep reminded how much hope and love there is.  Yesterday I worked and then took a much needed nap. I felt the withdrawls again.  Seriously I will never do drugs if it feels anything like coming off of the counselor crack, the Young RYLA high.  Physical exhaustion, confusion, lonliness, lack of motivation. Ha.. sounds rediculous but Im not even kidding its the craziest thing.  I got up and I went for a run, and I put on my new jeans and snacked on frozen raspberries and was reminded to Seize the Day!.. Carpe Diem.  And its so true. There is so much good and hope and love and empowerment and passion and so many things. So many things I remind other people to hold onto and have to remind myself to hold onto.


I came home with RYLA with so much new. New understanding. New family. New friends.  New hope and passion and excitement. When I think of the week in one word I think of empowering or empower or empowerment.  I saw the kids eyes light up knowing they had the power to love life, to do something to help the world, to wake up every morning and hold onto all the sunshine in their lives. The power to forgive and love and expect respect, acknowledgement and so many things. I learned about choices. Choosing everyday to have a good attitude, to be couragous and passionate. To fight for the things that matter. Kelsey taught me about forgiveness. Something I may not have known that I needed to learn about. I can forgive. She can forgive. We can love and go on with our lives leaving with as much love and joy as possible with the people who have hurt us and let us down.  Forgiveness is a big one that i think I need to remember and work on.  Consequences, values, setting goals. All the things I preach and teach.  I learned those things too and I have to remember everyday to bring them home with me. And I will. I promise to RYLA and the family and team I and the world and more than anything to myself that I will bring all these things home with me and live them everyday and feel good about everyday and feel and know that I have control over life. Life does not have control over me.


Summer is ending real fast. I go to Michigan on Wednesday. Every year that is a reminder that its almost time to go back to school. And I couldnt think of a better way to end my summer. I am so very excited. Excited to spend the week with my daddy and Jesse and Kylie. To forgive and build those relationships. To love and to enjoy each others company. To learn about them, to share with them all of my thoughts and dreams and feelings.  To just be together. Im so excited to lay in the sun and read, to swim in the lake, to waterski and drive the boat. To grill and listen to Jimmy Buffet. To lay in the hammock and thing about how wonderful life is.  To be in one of my favorite places in the world with people who I love and who I need this time with. 


I had Nozawa with Liv last night, she's going back to Boulder tomorrow. And Zachy moved into his condo.  Kerry and Mik went back to Washington, school is starting, people are leaving and Im thinking about last year at this time.  What a different feeling this year for so many reasons. What a different summer. Liv and I talked about how now we have to make dinner and coffee dates. About how we work so much and fit each other in. Instead of spend so much time together and fit work in. We're growing up. And Im reminded of who is so close by the people who we make time to see, who we have dinner dates with and all that.  Im ok with going back to school, I'm ok with goodbyes and dinner dates.  Because at this point I know who matters. I know who I will stay close with, who i will see and call and skype with.  And those are the people who most important, the rest will be whatever they will be. And I am ok with that. 


Im so excited to go back to school. Excited to keep moving towards something.  To be in a place where I can put all that I have learned into action. To be around people who are passionate and excited and learning and growing. To adventure and explore and focus on me again.  I am more excited to go this year even than I was last year because this year I know how perfect it is. This year I know how much I love it and how much wonderfulness is there. I am so excited to be back with Hayley and Stella and the fantastic four and all of the people who I love. And Im excited to meet new people and be so involved with SCCAP and to take classes that are so relative to what I wanna do with my life. Im excited to go back and be more sure of myself, more passionate, more confident and more knowledgable about what it is I really wanna do with my life. I am so excited! :)


I also told Liv I am more attached to home than I was last year when I left. Im leaving in love with this place and excited to come back. Im not leaving sad and frustrated and hurt and ready to get the heck out of here.  Im leaving in love with home.. In all senses of the word... Leadville, mountains, family, friends, Colorado, RYLA, Summit County... so many pieces that make this home.  I am in love with it, I am content, I am fortunate. And I know in my head that I want to come back someday... for some amount of time.  I was reminded this summer of all that it is and the reasons it is home. And why I have the best of both worlds. 


I am so content, I am sad to leave but not also ready to go back.  No part of me is upset about where I am at no matter where it is. I am moving along wonderfully in life and I love it. I happy with all that I have and oh do I have so much. So much to look back on and be thankful for, so much to look forward to and so much right here right now carpe diem to be in love with :)


I have been thoughtful lately about so many things.  I go through all this life to learn more about life and people and myself. I make mistakes, I have accomplishments and proud moments and moments where Im down in the dumps. But at the end of the day Im so stoked on life and learn more and more everyday.  I learned something about people being genuine this summer, about deserving love and respect and about giving it.  I learned a whole freaking lot. And Im so stoked that I had my withdrawl and popped up from it and am ready to take RYLA and all the other stuff and run with it :)


That was big unload.. haha, so much. And always more :)
Keep running with life, your in control, give and receive love, be passionate, feel good about where you are and where you are going. Seize the day and find what makes you come alive :) XOXOXO