thankful, thoughtful and wanting to give

Some of my favorite things as of late are...
hot tea, good healthy food, family- especially my mama, traveling, adventures, holidays, best friends, learning, dreaming, cozy days, snow, quality conversations, and so much more.

And today.. I am thankful for all those things, and that the last week has been filled to the brim with all of those things. It has been a wonderful break and I have so much to be thankful for.
Sitting here in this warm cozy house, with my tummy full as can be, watching a Christmas movie, I think of all the people who are spending their days so differently than I am. I think of all the things that are important to me, and just wish that I could give some of it to people who cant even think beyond a pair of socks, a warm coat or enough food to get by for the day. I hope someday I can give some of what I am so fortunate to have to somebody who's life has taken them in a different direction. And I hope I never ever forget to be grateful for all the wonderfulness that is this life.

This quote came in my email a couple days ago, and I think it is perfect for today, and everyday, and I think it is important that we remember everyday how much we have, and how much we have to give. I hope we can all see the beauty in life, the need, and the outpouring of love that we have seen in our lives and that so many people deserve.  Lets think of all we have, but lets also think of all we can do, cause that understanding, that love, that willingness, can change someones life.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow"

I am so thankful today and everyday, for all of you, for this life I am so lucky to have. And I hope you too, have so much to be grateful for. Lets turn that gratefulness into giving and loving and helping someone else to be grateful... it's easy and can start with something as simple as a smile.

Happy Thanksgiving! xoxoxox

Off to the NorthWest in t-minus 4 hours

Good morning world. I am off to the NorthWest in t-minus 4 hours. WOW! Um, Im not quite feeling a hundred percent prepared. But.. Ill get there and I will get to the places and people I cant wait to see and it will be a fantastic week.

I don't know where this week went, or this quarter at that. Time has just been FLYING and it is the craziest concept to me.

SEARCH left me a little contemplative, filled with love, in la la land and compeltely exhausted, and I feel like I kida let my week slip past me.
Sometimes I do that. get caught up in life, or me time, or the idea that I dont have that much to do, and suddenly the week is gone and Im on my way to Oregon today and I'm feeling A LITTLE UNPREPARED... ahhh

It will all work out. But Im stressing a little right now.  We are staying in Eugene tonight with a friend of Margot's and then Im being dropped off in Portland tomorrow to see Mikalia and Kerry and Whitney which is BEYOND fantastic but the logistics are a little challenging.  Ive been trying to figure out how to get back and fourth between Forest Grove and Portland, see the city of Portland, see Lewis and Clark and have some quality time with all of them (all within 2 days) and Im figuring it out but I could use a little more green stuff/a little more time/ a jet to make it all a little more efficent. Thats ok though IT IS GOING TO BE FANTASTIC!

I am so excited for the drive up with Margot
for the hours and hours of conversation that I couldn't think of a better person to have with
for the delerious exhaustion and fits of laughter that are sure to come from 9 hours of drive
for the jammin
for the sites
I am so excited for the time in Portland
to see the city I have heard so much about
to catch up with Kerry and Mikalia and Whitney
to talk about all things life
to explore
to see their worlds
AND I am so very excited to be in Seattle
the city that has so much history and so much life and so much love
that means something so big to my family and that is a place I need to go to understand
for the time with my mama
for the exploring
and the relaxing
to see family and new places and familiar faces.

It is going to be wonderful. And instead of stressing about it I am just going to get there and make it happen and love every minute of it, because it is going to be fantastic and I am SO very excited! :)

Happy Weekend and Thanksgiving Break or almost Thanksgiving Break to some of you. I hope you have exciting things coming and aren't too stressed out and are taking in all the beauty that is life <3
Be back soon with updates of this wonderful trip!
XOXO

moments of unutterable fulfillment

It was one of those weekends. One of those experiences... that I have no words for, except for the words of this quote...

"Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart" -MLK Jr

One of those weekends where I am left listening to the CD over and over and over and over again, even though it only has 9 songs on it. Where I keep looking through the pictures. Where quiet means  time for me to think it and feel it and love it. When I am so greatful that it happened, but not sure Im quite ready to let go of the moments of being there, when putting it into real life is easier said than done.

I feel lucky to have had numreous experiences of this sort in my lifetime.

This one was special though. They are all in different ways. But this weekend was something I didn't even know I needed but gave me something so huge and so much realization and thought and understanding. This one was solely about me, and it was exactly what I never knew I needed.

In short... I have spent the last year and a half focusing on me. Finding me, understanding me, breathing in the life that I have created for me. And it has been amazing, but as always in this crazy human life there was something missing. And that something I found this weekend, was a relationship with my family that I have let become less and less deep and raw and real.  I have ran from the scary things we experienced together and have asserted myself to think I am strong and independent and can do it on my own. But... they are my family and I need them and I want them in my life more than anything in the world. And I am ready to try harder to heal these relationships that have been weathered by so many ups and downs.

I thought about faith. My faith. Focusing it.  Feeling it. Putting it into life. I thought about my identity. About authenticity.  About love. About so many things. And spent so much time in quiet reflection, something that we all should do more of and forget in the crazy business of life.

I think that love is listening. It is trust, patience and understanding. It is pure.

I think that love is the key to becoming whole.

And I want to forever continue to become more whole. In myself. My relationships, my every day and in my life.

I was more content than I can remember being probably since RYLA and even more relaxed because this time I was being led, not leading.  This time it was about figuring out me.  Sitting under the big open star filled sky on Saturday night. Around a bonfire surrounded by all these people, many who I had met less than 48 hours before and feeling this out pouring of love.  Singing songs, contemplating life, understanding and being grateful for all that is good and amazing. It was... indescribable, something that only the language of my heart can understand, and will never be able to explain.

I am so thankful for my curiosity and need to push my limits and for this place that offers so many great ways to explore yourself and the world and this life. I am thankful that after being so scared of this retreat last year I was ready to go on it last year. And I am thankful that I spent the weekend thinking of my family. Of love. Of things that I had let myself believe are not that important. And I am beyond thankful for the people that helped me figure it out. For the conversations, the hugs, the affirmations of love, the understanding and empathy, the openness and the trust.

And now I will continue to SEARCH and try to put it all into life. I will remember the moments of pure contentment, the realizations, the support, every piece of it that I can bring back to reality. Thank you SEARCHERS, leaders, and universe for letting me be where I need to be right when I needed it. XOXOXO

giggles and awesome outlooks on life

good morning world. im feeling motivated and excited and inspired. all because of a 3rd grade boy who needs a little help with his reading. Every Wednesday I go to LUCHA (the elementary school I am in charge of coordinating volunteers for) and work with Sergio.  He is a fantastic kiddo who is sweet as can be and forever makes me laugh. Today he was rockin his reading, laughing at the goofy movies givin me a little sass, and giggling like usual.  He starts out my day on such a perfect note. He works hard and has fun and totally loves the one on one time.

He reminds me of Young RYLA, of giving awesome kids what they deserve, and being a little bit extra when life is just a pain in the rear sometimes. 

If there is anything in life I know, I know that I love working with kids, and somehow that will fit into my life. 

I talked to the Urban Education director yesterday and am excited for a minor that gives me more than just a desire to work with kids, but something actually concrete.  Cause I love it. I love the fresh outlook and the giggles and the "are we done yet" and the sass. I love when they get to know me and feel comfortable enough to give me a hard time and to joke with me but also understand that Im there to help them. And I love that I get to do this once a week and that I'll be at Young RYLA again watching the magic happen.

And I love the way they make me want to do more and be better and inspire me and remind me how wonderful life is.

Im feeling super into LUCHA and wanting to do more, and overflowing with ideas of what we can do. And thats just how I like it :)

Happy hump day! Go find some kiddos to hang out with or go watch this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk  it will make your day :)
XOXOXO

focusing my energy on peach tea, a weekend with zachy, and all that is good in the world

Im sitting at my desk, drinking peach tea and eating a trader joe's salad.  Buying a plane ticket. Reading great blogs. And watched an inspiring story. My Zachy was here all weekend.  SEARCH in 4 days, Thanksgiving break in 11 and home in a month. Life is good.

I have been in a funk. I funked all last week cause of boredom with school. Frusteration with silly little life things. Then even in the midst of Zachy being here this weekend I funked about my family. About some love and understanding he brought with him that allowed me to bring somethings that I put aside to the forefront of my brain for a bit and had me a little bit teary eyed here and there.

We had the best weekend.  Playing, adventuring, wrestling, talking about all the things we talk about, and dreaming up life.  I am so glad he came, to un funk me and to let me feel. To let me be a little upset about a couple things in my life that despite trying to forget, still are a little off, and are a little be worth being upset about.  He heard me out and got it, like nobody does.  He cuddled with me like only a best friend can and fit right into this here life.  It was fantastic.

I called my mama today exhausted, sad that he had left. And frusterated with people in my life who aren't always what I want them to be. And she listened to me and helped me and told me it'd all be ok. I love that about mama's. And i love that even when you try to be strong and do it alone in the end you end up calling the mama and letting go, having red eyes and being told it'd be ok. And hearing "we can count down the days now" (til we see each other) really made my heart feel a whole lot better.

I reminded myself today and Zachy reminded me this weekend that I need to focus my energy on doing well in school so Im not frusterated, on going for runs so I feel better, on friendships that make me feel good, on all the things that are good in my life... NOT on the frusterations and exhuastions and miss understanding. Cause really, its just a waste of energy.

Im ready for a break... but I gotta get there first. Im excited to be home at Christmas but Im also excited for the next 4 weeks before that. Life is good. And frustrations and exhaustion and misunderstandings and WHY ME's... those happen.  But if they bog you down, thats when your in trouble. So... even if Im funking... Im gonna focus my energy somewhere else. <3

best friend- so good for the soul

this weekend is perfect. and zachy has cured all the lack of inspiration that I've had and distracted me from all the frustration of school and has reminded me of all the wonderful things in this life.

Just a few of the things that have come out of our conversations

" we should add this to the breaking bread book, standing on the beach watching the waves with your best friend, so good for the soul" ~ a few years ago we started coming up with ideas for a book about all things good for the soul;)

"I love that place so much" "Me too, its so great" "We are so lucky to have grown up there" talking about that sweet place we call home

"You can borrow my family" "Thats the best thing about it all, I have so many families I can borrow, thats why Im alive"

So much more. So much love and understanding and life lived together. We talked about the difference in the cultures between here and home, about the amazing people that I have come to know, about the future and living together this summer.  About school and family and love and all things life.

We have stayed up late and stayed in bed lounging around. Played frisbee and wrestled on the beach. Went for a late night bike ride and explored the cute surrounding neighborhoods.  Did a P90X workout. Sat and talked and joked with friends for hours. Stopped at a fruit stand and got the best fruit we've ever had. And jammed to songs of our souls.. songs of home and childhood and so much on the drive home.

And we still have a day and a half together.

Thank you for sending me Zachy :) Thank you universe for letting me have the best family in the world... who isn't even blood related.

pity party

So... my Zachy will be here in a few hours, thank god. He will save me from the pity party that has been my week.

I am feeling a little frusterated, exhausted, bored, uninspired. And those are feelings that I do not like.

School is forever tons of work, and I am not in love with any of my classes. And... Spanish and I are in a forever fight. Which is frustrating because I don't wanna fight with Spanish, I wanna be good friends and feel like I can actually use it for all that is useful for. GAHHH!

I know that there is always so much to look forward to, ALWAYS and I know that I am a pitiful whining joke, but... thats just the way it is every once and a while. And right now the best thing in the world sounds like picking up and going to travel the world... all problems solved- no more boredom, no more inspiration drought, and no more fighting with school. I wanna be in a spanish speaking country where I learn by speaking, and by messing up but don't get graded on it. And where people tell me cool stories and teach me about their way of life.  I think thats the best kind of school.

I have 2 weeks til Thanksgiving Break and I will make it, and I will work on lowering the level of sass. And this weekend will be so fantastic. But boy am I excited for a week of being lazy, and doing things on my time, and seeing friends and new places and feeling excited not bored. Because being bored is not my style!

Sorry to whine and complain and be no fun to read... Ill get better. I will be refreshed after this weekend and have loads of good things to say about my time with the most wonderful best friend in the world :) Hope your feeling more inspired than I am, do something extra cool for me :)