It was one of those weekends. One of those experiences... that I have no words for, except for the words of this quote...
"Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart" -MLK Jr
One of those weekends where I am left listening to the CD over and over and over and over again, even though it only has 9 songs on it. Where I keep looking through the pictures. Where quiet means time for me to think it and feel it and love it. When I am so greatful that it happened, but not sure Im quite ready to let go of the moments of being there, when putting it into real life is easier said than done.
I feel lucky to have had numreous experiences of this sort in my lifetime.
This one was special though. They are all in different ways. But this weekend was something I didn't even know I needed but gave me something so huge and so much realization and thought and understanding. This one was solely about me, and it was exactly what I never knew I needed.
In short... I have spent the last year and a half focusing on me. Finding me, understanding me, breathing in the life that I have created for me. And it has been amazing, but as always in this crazy human life there was something missing. And that something I found this weekend, was a relationship with my family that I have let become less and less deep and raw and real. I have ran from the scary things we experienced together and have asserted myself to think I am strong and independent and can do it on my own. But... they are my family and I need them and I want them in my life more than anything in the world. And I am ready to try harder to heal these relationships that have been weathered by so many ups and downs.
I thought about faith. My faith. Focusing it. Feeling it. Putting it into life. I thought about my identity. About authenticity. About love. About so many things. And spent so much time in quiet reflection, something that we all should do more of and forget in the crazy business of life.
I think that love is listening. It is trust, patience and understanding. It is pure.
I think that love is the key to becoming whole.
And I want to forever continue to become more whole. In myself. My relationships, my every day and in my life.
I was more content than I can remember being probably since RYLA and even more relaxed because this time I was being led, not leading. This time it was about figuring out me. Sitting under the big open star filled sky on Saturday night. Around a bonfire surrounded by all these people, many who I had met less than 48 hours before and feeling this out pouring of love. Singing songs, contemplating life, understanding and being grateful for all that is good and amazing. It was... indescribable, something that only the language of my heart can understand, and will never be able to explain.
I am so thankful for my curiosity and need to push my limits and for this place that offers so many great ways to explore yourself and the world and this life. I am thankful that after being so scared of this retreat last year I was ready to go on it last year. And I am thankful that I spent the weekend thinking of my family. Of love. Of things that I had let myself believe are not that important. And I am beyond thankful for the people that helped me figure it out. For the conversations, the hugs, the affirmations of love, the understanding and empathy, the openness and the trust.
No comments:
Post a Comment