Its crazy how life flies by.
Its crazy how you go through the motions and suddenly its the end of the week. The month or the quarter.
Time is one of those things that I just cannot and will not ever be able to grasp. And one of the reasons I try really hard to love every moment, cause when I don't, before I know it, those moments are gone.
Im laying in bed with Christmas lights lighting up my room and Christmas music playing. Happy as can be to be in on a Friday night. To have plans to watch a Christmas movie with friends. To have a weekend of studying and paper writing but also lots of good things ahead of me.
I have found myself over and over again this quarter getting a little caught up in the mundane. Some might call it the sophomore slump. Others an attitude problem. Or maybe just part of life.
Its funny how you figure yourself out some days, and other days you just cant understand why you feel one way and not another. Lots of times I think I know myself pretty well, what makes me go, what I need to do to feel motivated and excited and like life is wonderful. But sometimes I just hit a wall and have to search a little deeper to pull myself out of it.
But the best thing about it.. is once I do pull myself out of that silly slump I feel like life is just THAT MUCH BETTER!
Im going home on Thursday. And its one of those things that just slaps me in the face and shows me how much things change. Im excited, I am ... for so many things. But also, some part of me feels like this is home. And this is MY life... and that is some other girls life. Some other girl who I dont know very well these days. And who everytime I go home I reunite with, but something about it is just still a little different. And more and more each time.
Its a funny thing. Change. Time. Growing up. Wonderful and scary and so many things all at the same time. And so much of the time it just goes, and you forget to stop and appreciate. But then there are times like right now. Sitting alone with Christmas lights around me and feeling completely at peace with myself and my life, even if there is all sorts of chaos and stress and excitement and so many things going around in my head.. stopping and just being with me reminds me that the change and time and growing up, deep down its still me.
The me that loves my family and best friends with every piece of my heart. That is excited about every day of life at Santa Clara but also has SUCH a huge place in my heart for home, winter, fireplaces and that small town. For all the people there and the memories and the familiar. The me that wants to do so much, but likes to just be sometimes. The me that doesn't need to be here or there to be happy, that can love pieces of each, that can find the good in so many things, that loves all the pieces of my life that have gotten me where I am and that can get in touch with all sides of me to keep the me who is really me here and alive and excited and LIVING not just existing. The me that doesn't need to get caught up in all the little things that are all too easy to let get to me, but instead can see the big picture and love it for what it is.
So... through the paper writing and final studying. Through the going home and dealing with how the change, and sometimes lack of change fits into my heart and my place in this world, I will remind myself of how good this life is as a whole and how dang unimportant the little things are. And of all the ways I can pull myself out of that funk.
Happy December world. Happy Christmas lights and music and cheer and joy and family and giving season. Feel it, take it all in. And find some time for peace and quiet. To spend with you, and get back in touch with the inner peace, that makes the outter chaos a little easier to navigate.
See you soon Colorado family <3
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