Hello there.
Happy day.
I am 20. Tomorrow is February 1st. LIFE IS CRAZY
My birthday was fantastic. It was full of love, so much love that my heart was overflowing for days on end. I am so lucky. We ate Thai food, sweet girls gave me flowers, Kylie made me a birthday dinner, we sang, lots of people called and Hayley and I went to Tahoe. It was so great.
I was reminded of my oasis.. my element. The mountains on my skis with the cold but oh so fresh air making my cheeks a little extra rosy. I was in heaven and realized that the 3 hour drive is 100% worth it for that feeling of peace and adrenaline and comfort. My element. I love it. And I LOVE that Hayley came with me. It was fantastic.
I thought a little about the fact that Ive been alive for 20 years. That I will NEVER EVER again be a teenager. I thought about things I have felt and learned. I thought about what 20 means.. lots of big things happen in your twenties. I thought about all that has happened.. and all that is to come and was just the right amount of sentimental about it that I should have been.
The point of the story though is that my life is pretty amazing and I am thankful for every moment that has gotten me here... every single one. And oh so excited for all thats to come. The perfect balance.
In other words. I have been thinking a lot lately. About lots of things. Two important ones though..
"el amor propio".... the translation is respect/ self pride. But the words mean the own love... self love. Ive been thinking a lot about this word lately. And then I read about it in another blog. And then today when I was doing my spanish homework that word just caught me eye. I've been thinking about it as confidence, insecurity, measure of success... all these different things that didnt quite cut it for me. But el amor propio... that does the job.
Its funny how we judge ourselves so much harder than others. And how we each have our own criteria to judge ourselves on, things that may mean nothing to others, and some that do. I think self love is ever changing, ever challenging. Its a learning process that is painful and up and down and all over the place. We all have days where we think "check me out" and others where we'd rather just curl up and stay in bed all day.
But what is important I think about it all.. is learning what the things are that make you love yourself more. And learning that you do have control over how you feel about your body and what you do with it. And its not all physical at all.. its about how you feel inside and often times that shows on the outside.
Ive been thinking about being whole... and I think it really comes down to self love. Eating healthy, doing yoga, running, spending time with people who love me, spending time on my school work... those all make me love myself more. And I like learning how to control the amount of el amor propio that Im feeling for the day.
Feel beautiful, do things that make you feel beautiful inside and out. Overflow your glass of amor propio :)
Next, cookie cutters.
These things are everywhere. And as humans who like pattern and expectations and order... we like cookie cutters. We like to go to colleges where we know we will fit in, we like to have majors that we know will give us a job,we like to say things that we know people will accept. We like to stay in our comfy little places of security. But ya know what I think... I think that sometimes the cookies that are made by hand... and have funky shapes and silly designs, I think those are some of the best cookies. There is pressure to do things the cookie cutter way in so many aspects of life, people ask you what your gonna do with your major cause they want you to have a cookie cutter answer, wrapped in a nice little box with a bow that they can just nod their head and agree with. But I saw a quote the other day that said "life begins at the end of our comfort zone" and I love everything about it.
I have been thinking about majors. And I get asked all the time what Im gonna do with mine.. and ya know what I AM GONNA DO SO MUCH and I am so excited. And I like that my answer is organic and moldable and doesnt fit into a cookie cutter... cause cookie cutters kinda scare me a little. I think it is so very important to go out of your comfort zone, do things a little differently, test the waters. And I am thankful for Santa Clara to show me a little bit of both what a cookie cutter looks like and what it doesnt have to look like. Im thankful for opportunities to push my limits and to be scared and excited. I am thankful for the challenges and the chance to make this experience exactly what it is I want out of it. I am really super stoked that I am thinking about cookie cutters, and learning the beauty of cookies made by hand, molded and shaped into exactly what you want them to be. Thats what Im gonna do with my life :)
One last thing... El Salvador El Salvador El Salvador. It is in my head all the time. And my heart is so sure of that decision its amazing. But I have a little secret... one that your probably gonna hear a lot between now and a year from now when Im back.. I AM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND.
And I LOVE IT :)
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