Beauty and Fragility

Good morning world... its been a while. Lifes been a happenin.. so just a little summary

Saturday I was reminded of how fragile life is, I came here to write about it but it just didnt flow.  On Saturday my Eric has been somewhere else watching over us for 20 years. When I called my mom to tell her I was sick she told me my Grandma no longer recognizes her. Unexpected tears streamed down my face as I thought of the spunky, healthy Grandma that has slowly changed over the past 5 years, and how next time I see her, she wont know my name.  I looked at the picture at the end of my bed. My most cherished picture in the whole entire world, Eric holding me in the hospital. So gently and with so much love and concern in his eyes. I imagine in that moment all he was trying to tell me, all the wisdom and love and life he was trying to pass on to me. I think it worked. Life, like those tears streaming down my face, is oh so very fragile. Forming, dropping and eventually evaporating. Full of emotions, love, and more life than we can wrap our minds around. Each moment is so special and the people that come in and out even more special.  I and so many in my world, unlike so many others, are blessed that we rarely worry about the possibility of this life ending, we are not poverty stricken, starving, surrounded by disease, fighting cancer, or struggling to find the next breath. I am comfortable, healthy and oh so very happy. And sometimes its easy to forget how fragile this all is. So, for my Eric, and my Grandma.. I will remember how special every moment, every life, encounter, emotion, and experience really is.

In light of all that, Thursday night I suddenly got hit with a whole bunch of uncomfortableness...fever, cough, head ache, body aches, all the joy of being sick. So... I spent most of my weekend in bed taking care of myself. And honestly, it was really enjoyable.  Lots of times when I get sick I know that it is my body telling me to slow down and take care of me, and lots of times I dont listen. But this time, I listened. I slept, watched movies, did homework and forced myself to get some fresh air everyday but didnt push myself. I had mellow and fantastic dates with my two best friends and just let myself relax... it was fantastic and... Im almost 100% healthy now, who woulda thunk it ;)

So, I dont know how I have failed to write about this yet, but my Tuesdays this quarter have turned out to be my most favorite day of the week. I dont have class, but go non stop from one thing to another and I love it. On days when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, am tired or stressed, the events of my Tuesdays never fail to turn around my mood. They start off with 2 hours at LUCHA with the 3rd graders I have spent the whole year with. They all know me well now and I love the relationship I have created with them. They call me "kiddo" and "Ms. Michelle, Ms. Michelle" rings through the classroom. They are such awesome kids and I wish I could spend more time with them.  Its funny being in a third grade class and remembering myself then. So full of yourself yet so very unsure...thats just what they are. They think they've got it all figured out, or so they let everyone else believe, but if you look into their eyes you can see this big world around them they are trying to figure out. They are in a place that is trying so hard to give them the education they deserve, and I can only hope that they continue to receive that education and go out and make something of themselves.

After that I run back to school, switch cars and am off to babysit for the day. I have had this nannying job since Marchish and have really come to enjoy it. The little girl is about 8 months old and with time has come to know me and we have a routine down. Spendin time with babies has always been one of my favorite things, and I love that I get to do it at least once a week with her. Part of me wishes I could stay all summer with her, but duty calls :)

Finally, as if thats not enough to fill my soul...this quarter my Arrupe for Spanish and Poli Sci is Comida and Conversation. A program started and ran by Santa Clara alums and students that is so wonderful.  Students from SCU and adults from the community, many of which are taking English classes at Sacred Heart come together to eat a meal and just chat.  You spend 30 mins speaking in Spanish and 30 in English, sometimes one on one and sometimes with a couple English speakers to one Spanish speaker. It is absolutely wonderful and never fails to allow for the best conversations.  Practicing my Spanish is only a little part of the wonderfulness but more so the relationships that have been created and the stories that have been told. Last night was our last night and it was so sad, we spent forever saying goodbye and even made plans to get together with a couple of the women for dinner. The people there are so great and all the stories and wisdom they have bestowed on me will be with me forever. Its such an amazing way to bring people together, break barriers, learn a new language and create relationships. Something we should all do and something that gives me a glimpse into some of what will come out of El Salvador in the fall.

So... its June 1st. In 8 days sophomore year will be over. That is crazy talk. Im ready though. I have loved this year more than I can put into words and so many beautiful friendships and moments have come out of it. But I am ready for the next step. Ready for the summer at home that will let me process it all, have some me time, relax and spend time with my mama and all the wonderful people in that world.  Between now and then there will be lots of hours in the library, some stress, three papers turned in, two finals taken and one final presentation given. I will enjoy the moments of free time that I can find, celebrate the wonderful wonderful people around me and just take it for exactly what it is. Absolutely wonderful and time for the next step. Heres to the last couple weeks of sophomore year and the time left with some of the most amazing people in the world.

Celebrate the beauty and fragility that is this life. Take care of you, spend time with other people who will fill you up and take it all in. Ill see you in two weeks Colorado <3