Grateful for the miracle that is every moment

Im drinking hot chocolate out of my "Aint Nothin Gonna Break My Stride" mug that Mindy got me for graduation. Dude.. it just has so much meaning.

It was one of those days. And sometimes I think, its really just one of those lives.. in the most beautiful of ways. You just gotta keep truckin through it all.

I dont know if Im supposed to write in this blog anymore. I feel weird not writing about Chris and Santos and Reina, and not having everyday rock my world to the point that I know no other option than to write and share and let the world into that adventure. I dont know what Im supposed to write about. And I know Im not supposed to write about anything, Im just supposed to let it flow and put my thoughts on this screen and you all can do with it what you will.

Im trying to figure out how to live in this world. And I am surrounded by so much love. This morning I woke up to two emails showering me in love from two oh so very special people. My dear Diana whose presence I miss so dearly at SCU and my second mama Betsy who I also miss so much.  They started my day out with such grace, let me step a little lighter and feel a little more of that groundedness in love that I knew and loved so much in the last weeks in El Salvador.

But living in this world is up and down. Some moments I feel completely able and ready to take on the world. And others I feel a little empty and a little overwhelmed. Today, the combination of feeling a little anxious and dearest Juancito's continued wisdom I stopped and looked at that feeling. This lifestyle is so fast and busy and competitive. And in El Salvador we were just being. It was busy but it was busy with learning about ourselves and the world, listening and sharing stories and just learning to love. Here is is busy with finding jobs, doing homework, studying for tests, searching for internships, and sometimes I just feel like Im constantly running to catch up. It feels like a lot of pressure and trying to be the best and work the hardest and make enough money and have enough free time and exercise enough. When really.. just being here in this life is enough.

I am so privileged to be peer educating in life writing, the class that was so very healing for me while I was in El Salvador. I have a familia of students who I get to create and a hold a space for writing, healing and sharing, and I get to continue the process with them, even if they might not know that. And while we were meditating to start out the class I looked at that anxious feeling and thought about my familia writing and sharing their most difficult moments. And I realized that all of that catching up and running and being enough.. it doesnt really matter, especially if I can stay grounded in what does matter. And what does matter is their difficult and joyful moments, is where our hearts are, good friendships, quality conversations, learning and staying grounded. The same things that were so easy to matter in El Salvador, must be made a priority here everyday, cause its too easy to get caught up and knocked down by all the trying to be enough or be the best and all the chaos of running to catch up.

I dont know where this is going. But I am grateful. Grateful for the immense amount of love that is in my life. Grateful for the chance to feel overwhelmed and for the millions of opportunities that are swirling around in my head. I am grateful for old friendships and new owns. For Casa citas through skype and the phone and the life that they bring me. The wisdom and love that flows so freely from my Romero family and has taught me how to love. For the most amazing friends here who are secretly planning something for my birthday that I know will be wonderful. For Casa and bringing to me a place that this reality is hard in a different way and for its teaching me to know what keeps me grounded and what should be a priority. And what it feels like to live in that groundedness of love and peace and fulfillment... and what it doesnt feel like and ways to get back there.

I am so grateful. For the miracle that is figuring out the ups and downs of this life. And continuing to stride. And having that experience so close to my heart.

And for remembering that "You are the sky, everything else, its just weather"