It's 1:32am and I am working an overnight shift at CWU- the place I wrote about in my last blog. I had big plans to get lots of work done tonight- but I'm too tired to make my brain work. I've been meaning to blog and this week was so full- there wasn't a second for it, and even when there was I got caught up trying to figure out what exactly to write about. But maybe my sleepy brain will just let me write.. and not think. Bare with me- I'm half here.
I just read some silly Buzz Feed thing called "21 things you only know if you've been best friends for 10 years" and I shamelessly posted it on Elyse's wall- we have been blowing up social media with our excessive best friend love since we got to spend the most wonderful long weekend together in Austin. Elyse came into this world a little less than a year before me, my mama was in the room with her mama, then we went to daycare together and fought over my little ponies, we ski raced, swam in the lake, jumped on the trampoline, lived in each others houses and shared all things life and then when she moved away we became incredible at having a long distance friendship. We haven't lived in the same town since we were in 1st/2nd grade- that is SO many years ago. But she has been on the other end of the phone for every joy, hurt, fear, love, decision and question. We have met in the middle, driven hours to each other, taken planes and found ways to hold on tight to what we were so lucky to build when we were too young to know it was building. And Spring Break together was the best. Last year in El Salvador we decided with the way life is changing we need to take a trip somewhere together at least once a year- its too hard to get enough time when I'm home and we know how much we value our time. This trip to Austin to be with Dave was the first of those trips- and it couldn't have reaffirmed more what a great idea it is, how strong our friendship is and how lucky we are to have had each other forever and to know we will have each other forever.
There is not a moment in my life or a part of my heart that Elyse doesn't know and this trip we really got to bring all the pieces together- catch each other up on what has been happening in our worlds that sometimes seem far away. She helped me make sense of it all- and how it connects to my core. I have had so many conversations lately with friends about this whole "twentysomething stage". A time that feels big and important and exciting and scary and full of questions. When we were little I think we imagined ourselves at this stage in life with it all figured out- and so many of us agree that we are maybe more aware than ever of how much we don't have figured out. Mostly because for the first time the world is ours to make decisions about- no more somewhat planned out trajectory, no more permanent town, school, class, major, etc to define ourselves by- just us and the open road, deciding whats important.
Being with Elyse reminded me of who I am. We talked about everything under the sun. We laughed until we cried all weekend. We reminisced on the past- missing some things and grateful that others are in the past, we dreamed of the future and we felt such comfort in knowing that through it all we have each other- what a huge gift.
That was the theme of my Spring Break.. being with such amazing friends who know the deepest parts of me and are so very easy to be with. Elyse and I got to stay with Dave and see his world- laugh and play and bask in the comfort of being with friends you've known for too many years to count. Before that I was in Philly with 5 of my Casa sisters and it felt like no time had passed. I was like a kid in a candy shop the whole week- so overly joyful and content in every simple moment. Sitting on the porch eating breakfast in the sun, late night chats, roaming the streets of Philly and Austin, playing games, catching up over drinks and just feeling SO VERY RELAXED. I think a lot of that was because it felt so different than the every day here- which is so many good things, but is challenging and still new and stressful. I needed a break. I needed to be with people who know me really well and can help remind me when I feel a little confused. Spaces to just talk about all things life for hours- instead of 5 minute conversations before running to class. It was really the perfect Spring Break and as always exactly what I didn't know what I needed.
I came back feeling full, in touch, integrated and so very grateful for my friends, the space to reflect and process, the laughter, the relaxation. The beginning of this semester felt a little rocky- rocky in making sense of who I am especially in light of these degrees, communities and huge questions. I remember who I am again- and am reminded how important it is to continue to invest in new friendships and let them blossom knowing they all have the potential to become spaces that remind of whats important. I'm so lucky to have people in my life that know me so well- and who I don't ever have to explain things to because they were there the whole time- but I also know that its worth sharing my story and my heart with new people- because that's how the people closest to me have gotten so close.
I feel a brewing inside of continued integration and formation, investing in people here, opening myself to what sometimes feels scary or just a little less than comfortable. That's where good things come from. The first week back was jarring- we work hard and move fast here. But we are so privileged to be using our brains, surrounded by such caring, intelligent people and challenged every single day to make a little more sense of the world.
I hope to find some more balance so that Spring Break and every day life don't have to feel like complete opposites. And til then I'm grateful for the jet pack of energy and love I got from a week off.
Beautiful. Love you Meesh!!
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