happy weekend!

HELLLOOOO FRIDAY!
hello I got 2 hours of sleep last night and am strategizing about how Im going to make it TO tonight ;)..  not to mention through the night.


we played and adventured last night instead of sleeping which I was really needing because I was feeling a little BORED with this school thing. And bored... thats a bad word that I dont want in my vocabulary. Just needed a little change in the routine. So.. I decided to make myself really tired today. Totally worth it though.


It is October 15th, the end of week 4. Where is my life running away to and how do I catch up with it?
Just kidding, Im running right there with it, but man it flies!


This weekend is going to be full of wonderfulness. SCCAP fun tonight and Rolo, Natalie, Heather and some Interactors in town tomorrow and Sunday. SO EXCITING!


I hope I dont sleep through the fun tonight. Or fall asleep while Im walking between now and then ;)


HAPPY WEEKEND!


P.S- My mama and I have been talking about traveling. Seattle for Thanksgiving break, and a possible awesome trip before I go abroad :)! AND she made zuchinni bread and is mailing it to me. Man... good life :)

hermiting... peace, quiet and listening to me

I grew up as the kid who would cry when I had two friends houses to go to and couldn't decide which one. I would cry if I was missing out on being with anybody. I had to be around people 24/7. I was the social butterfly who after every parent teacher conference had to be told again and again to stop talking in class. I was the kid who wanted to be everywhere and always wanted friends over and would fight til I could find someone to hang out with and was always always always talking on the phone.

Sometimes.. my friends call my Grandma.

Dont get me wrong, I still LOVE being around people. I love socializing. I love going out. I love every second I get with my friends.

But.. I also LOVE me time. I love being productive, doing errands, getting homework done, organizing my room, swimming/running by myself and gathering my thoughts in the process.

I even like being a hermit crab sometimes. Like tonight... I took a shower and got in my pajamas at 8:00, fully planning to spend the night in my room.. being a hermit. Or like this last week when I got the best news I could ask for and I ignored phone calls and didn't call back fast enough. I needed to process. I needed some me time. I needed peace and quiet.

I have learned to LOVE peace and quiet. I love staying in some nights when everybody else goes out. And I love that this weekend was a perfect mix of friends and fun and quiet and me time.  Of errands and hanging out, of organizing, doing homework, swimming. Of star gazing quietly, of doing things on my time.

So... if your one of the people that I sometimes forget to call back. Know that it is nothing personal.. its just me being a hermit for a while. Processing, basking in the amazingness that is life, and preparing for the next big social endeavor.  Cause the balance of the two= PERFECT.

Life is so precious. And sometimes it turns into a rat race of running from one thing to another, of giving so much, of running your battery low... so much so that you don't enjoy it as much, or you at least forget to enjoy it for a while. I think its important to process. To listen to your thoughts and your heart. To listen to the world or to nothing. And find peace inside... even in the chaos of life.

Let yourself catch up. With your thoughts or your homework or your reading or your sleep. Remember to take care of you, be a little selfish, be content with you. I have learned the importance of understanding myself, of taking care of myself and it makes life so full and juicy and overwhlemingly suculent. And I know there will be times in my life when other responsibilities will nag at my ability to hermit.. so for now. I will take full advantage of it.

Turn off your phone. Close facebook.  Lock your door or go for a run away from it all. Spend some you time. I dare you

<3 xoxoxo

Ask questions, feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.

i can feel my soul. 

i can feel the universe aligning around me. 

i can feel the doubt of putting it all out there for the world to see.

tonight i got another phone call, another universe kind of phone call. that will in the long run (not that long) be the determinant of some big choices I have been exploring.

I am mixed with all sorts of emotion.... excitement, joy, anxiety and a piece of me that is taking a rain check for some other ideas. a rain check happily taken.

I believe in fate. There was a day in my life that I laid in the grass under the sun and looked ahead and behind and realized I am alive.. I am going places.. and oh have I been places. I realized that life is so dang scary, but somehow it all works out. So... I believe in fate.

I think that the universe allows for a crazy mix of control, and no control at all. And sometimes the lack of control is the scariest thing ever and sometimes it is the most exhilarating thing ever. But I think in the end they balance each other out. Just when you are scared out of your mind cause things are reeling out of your control.. something in your life reminds you to hold on to the choices you can make. And just when the options seem endless and scary and like you could never ever decide, the universe grabs your hand and leads you in the right way.

Call me crazy, but I can feel my soul. And in all brutal honesty, me and my soul, thats what matters for now. 

I am learning a little something about following my heart. From living and learning. But more... From a friend who knows the right questions to ask and sees life from the most wonderfully colored kaleidoscope. 

Im learning the importance of this quote "Learn to follow your heart. Be quiet for a while at first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart"

Its telling me so much now. So much that I know is real and tangible and that just feels right. And that is sometimes scary, or different, or even not exactly as I thought it would happen, but for that reason, is just as dang good. Because the world is saturated with good people and good places. With things to see and learn and do. And because my heart is leading me to which ones work for me now. And with time, during rain and shine, moments of soul feeling and heart break, my heart will eventually find its way.

And for that fate. In nothing more than the universe and my heart. I am so grateful. For the confidence in this life.

And if nothing else, I hope you can find that confidence somewhere, cause oh does it feel good.

thoughts of a dreamer

hello :)

these are the thoughts of a dreamer

of dreams that more often than i can understand come true

when the universe aligns in crazy ways

and the people of my soul support and push a little farther.

dreams that have gotten me where i am today.. because sometimes logic just seems like a waste of time

cause the logistics... those fall into place

the dreams on the other hand... those come from deep inside, from the universe and from this rollercoaster we call life.

dreams of california since I was 8... and what a dream come true.

and now... the dreams just keep going

instead of dreams while I sleep...the dreams keep me awake

thinking of all the possibilities

the places to see and people to meet and things to do

of going to africa, to el salvador, to anywhere that will scoop me up and teach me

of traveling the world and seeing all that is unknown

of driving up the coast, stopping, searching, seeing friends, and places that are new and old all at the same time

dreams of changing the world

of doing what they doubt I can do

dreams of conversations. of hearing and telling stories.

of pushing the limits of life

making forever friendships

adventures

life changing moments

dreams of forever being excited for life

forever having a passion for learning

forever adventuring, loving and giving back.

of being balanced and inspired and passionate

dreams that lead the way i live my life

moment by moment

that remind me that these moments

these are as good as those ahead

and these are how i get there.

dreams that make this life. right now. last year. in three months.

exactly how i've always hoped it would turn out

dream on baby

...the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams

xoxo <3

inspiration. balance.

sometimes its easy to get caught up in cumbersome things of life.
but the cool thing... its also easy to snap out of it. and remind myself of how much dang good there is.


I wasn't feeling particularly inspired this weekend. Or passionate. Or.. I dunno anything extra special. And I spend A LOT of time feeling lots of things extra special.. so I felt a little off.  Not that it wasn't a good weekend, it was great. I just needed a little hey, life is SO much more than just life.


I had good conversations this weekend, with great people. Danced and laughed and relaxed. Saw my brother. Went for a run with the leaves falling around me and relished in the idea that its turning into fall right before my eyes and I love the way that it feels. Oh fall, so cozy, so wonderful, so much different than the week long falls of home, but definitely missing out on the aspens. It was all good. And I felt it all, but I guess I took the weekend to kinda go into that I don't really think about things kinda mode.


But that planned Sunday afternoon call.  The nerves and trying to prepare before hand. The reminder of how much I love that part of my life.  The conversation that sparked all the passion and love and gratitude for being a part of it.. it woke me right back up.  It was my interview for Young RYLA head JC. Something that in all honesty has not been at the forefront of my brain the last two weeks while I've been here. I've thought about it but I've also thought about Africa and SCCAP and this life.  And talking to Junior about RYLA and all we could do with it reminded me of how dang cool it is. And as RYLA head JC I will be doing the exact opposite of missing out, and if I don't get it, I will find another way to put it all into life. And Im so at peace with either way that it works out. And hope so much to get it so I could put all my love and time and energy into something that has given me so much, but its also not gonna kill me if I don't get it. And thats exactly where I want to be.


This place is SO good. SO inspirational. So full of extra specialness. And I love when I have moments of oh yeah, I LOVE IT HERE and have not a reason in the world to let my inspiration and motivation and excitement slip. Its just too good.


Tomorrow is Jack Johnson, and then first day of Arrupe, and then LUCHA orientation and department meeting and then the week is over again. Time is such a crazy thing, that can slip away so easily if you don't stop and think sometimes.  And the busy days, the logistics, the stress, the constant running, its easy to get lost in. But then I open my eyes and my heart and my mind and see all the extra there is to get caught up in. And its all about the balance. And that was my problem this weekend I was just a little off balance.


Its about remembering to take care of all parts of you. Of the you things that make you feel good, of the friend things that make you feel good, the homework and work and responsibilities that you signed up for for a reason, and a little bit of down time to keep it all in perspective.  Here we go week three, I'm ready now. Sorry I was a little behind :)


Its about pushing the limits, and stepping out of your comfort zone. And sometimes, staying in it too :)
Good night world. Happy Tuesday
XOXOXO

pushing the limits of life

hello wonderful people of my life :)
it is SO hot and i am SO tired. Its 10:20 and Im pretty much ready for bed... which is not freakishly abnormal in my current amazing living conditions. but oh do i have thoughts. so bear with me if my words dont work as planned.


last night Hayley and I went on one of our late night walk/talk sessions. For venting and dreaming and questioning and being best friends, figuring out life together. everytime they remind me of all the things i live for. the things that she too lives for and reminds me to live for. everytime they help me sort through the funny things in my head that i have just been mulling over, but hayley makes sense of them. everytime they refresh me and make me ready for whatever it is that is ahead. and last night... it was just what our restless, thoughtful, same page minds needed. we talked about mass on sunday, that gave us goose bumps and a faith in something that at other points in our lives scared us away.  we talked about friends and foes and how justice is about love, and understanding differences and learning about each other. and more than anything else... we talked about pushing the limits of life. going farther and deeper. learning and loving more. stepping out of our comfort zones. challenging ourselves and making the best of every single moment.. cause they fly by SO freaking fast. i am so lucky to have Hayley in my life... keeping up with my crazy dreamer, thinker, life loving head. and being there right there with me wanting to explore and learn and grow. someone to forever remind me to push the limits of life.


so i got up this morning and ran.. i ran farther than usually, i ran harder, i got out of bed faster.  i paid attention in class, said thank you more than usual, had my eyes and ears and heart WIDE open to all the things that surround me.  and i felt ready to push the limits of life. I went to Discover... a mini group for conversation/community/thinking about the big things in life, I listened to the program coordinator for my position tutoring adults trying to get citizenship and thought of all the amazing things that could come from it. i pushed the limits.  let myself be so whole and at the same time so open and so in need of more to complete all that i am. and that... pushing the limits of life. that is how i want to live everyday of my life. And when I live like that... pushing the limits of life. It leads to one exhausted brain and one super ready for bed shell :)


I also got the most wonderful email from my Zachy today.  The boy who taught me more about life and boys and friendship and the world than any teacher or boyfriend or genius person ever could.  He wrote just to tell me he loves me, and that he thinks Im amazing and that my blog inspires him. I teared up reading that.  He's my rock and I love that no matter how far away we are, this so special best friend sibling forever love between us is as strong as anything I've ever known. And if he could only begin to understand all of the part he has played in making me into the me I am today :) I love you Zachy, oh so very much.


I went to the Adult Citizenship school that I will be tutoring at tonight, was told to not wear blue or red and if I feel uncomfortable call security to walk me to my car. On our way back to school we talked a little about growing up in places with gangs, lockdowns or just lockdown drills. About being asked what gang we are in or about knowing nothing about it. Then I read my anthropology about women being raped and not reporting it, about the meaning and effect that has on innocent women in country's where they are seen as free to be dominated by men.  And I thought about how lucky I am to have lived so much of my life feeling safe. Feeling protected. Feeling like I can wear whatever colors I want, feeling like most of the time Im ok to walk by myself, feeling like if someone ever violated me and my space in any way shape or form my family would be their to support me in kicking that person's ass... however that may be.  How lucky am I, are so many of us, to have the luxury of feeling safe, strong, independent and also supported by the system.  My sociological brain goes crazy thinking about all the people that don't have that, and how important it is to be aware, cognizant, and empathetic to all the other things that other people have dealt with that we haven't.  I also thought about how little I know about my country that immigrants are forced to learn, how I was born here and thats good enough but many people put months or years into studying "the" history, culture, language, stories... all of the things that are so far from black and white and still are not given rights to be a part of what I learned today in spanish should be una ensalada de intigracion instead of a mixing pot de asimilacion. 


Just think about it every once and a while. About all the people in this country, this world. All the differences. All the challenges. And all the amazingness. Open your eyes and your mind and your heart and learn and listen and take down the judgements and the walls.. and push the limits of understanding. Push the limits of life :)


I am in a place where I am pushed to think about these things on a daily basis, where pushing the limits of life is easy with opportunities to learn and grow surrounding me. I love this place. I love being pushed to push the limits. Watch out life.. Im on a mission to push it, to have my world rocked a little, to learn, to step out of my comfort zone. And fill myself to the brim of life <3

Sunday Joy

hello Sunday morning :)
I like the feel of today. Hayley and I are sitting in Mission City coffee shop, drinking chai, chatting, listening to music, just being.  Sundays are great when you can just relax and be and dont have loads of homework to worry about. I went for a morning swim and now Im here and it feels like a great day. A great day cause Im here, in this place that I love with every single piece of my being.  Because I had a fantastic weekend, perfect first Friday night out dancing, seeing people, being crazies and a great lazy Saturday.  Because Im right where I am supposed to be and I know it every single minute. And cause Im ready for another week of classes that make me think and full days of sucking the marrow out of life. I LOVE IT!

Last night I pulled out my pictures I had printed the beginning of last year and looking through them they felt so far away. Like so much life has happened since then, so much growing and learning and changing. So much new and different, that it almost feels like those pictures are from a different life time.  It was a weird feeling, its weird how life comes and goes and changes and you don't really feel like much is happening in the middle of it all. But you look back at things like that and are a little side swiped at how it all happens.   Its a little bittersweet. But more so, just reminds me how good life is :)

I guess I dont really have a whole lot of thoughtfulness flowing out of me today. Life is so so good. Everyday I am inspired by this place and the people around me to be better and to do more with my life. I dream so much about all of the life that is ahead of me. And enjoy every minute of the now. Sometimes  I wonder how I got so lucky. Someones watchin out :)

Hope your having a fantastic Sunday and dreaming big :) Lots of love from SC <3