pushing the limits of life

hello wonderful people of my life :)
it is SO hot and i am SO tired. Its 10:20 and Im pretty much ready for bed... which is not freakishly abnormal in my current amazing living conditions. but oh do i have thoughts. so bear with me if my words dont work as planned.


last night Hayley and I went on one of our late night walk/talk sessions. For venting and dreaming and questioning and being best friends, figuring out life together. everytime they remind me of all the things i live for. the things that she too lives for and reminds me to live for. everytime they help me sort through the funny things in my head that i have just been mulling over, but hayley makes sense of them. everytime they refresh me and make me ready for whatever it is that is ahead. and last night... it was just what our restless, thoughtful, same page minds needed. we talked about mass on sunday, that gave us goose bumps and a faith in something that at other points in our lives scared us away.  we talked about friends and foes and how justice is about love, and understanding differences and learning about each other. and more than anything else... we talked about pushing the limits of life. going farther and deeper. learning and loving more. stepping out of our comfort zones. challenging ourselves and making the best of every single moment.. cause they fly by SO freaking fast. i am so lucky to have Hayley in my life... keeping up with my crazy dreamer, thinker, life loving head. and being there right there with me wanting to explore and learn and grow. someone to forever remind me to push the limits of life.


so i got up this morning and ran.. i ran farther than usually, i ran harder, i got out of bed faster.  i paid attention in class, said thank you more than usual, had my eyes and ears and heart WIDE open to all the things that surround me.  and i felt ready to push the limits of life. I went to Discover... a mini group for conversation/community/thinking about the big things in life, I listened to the program coordinator for my position tutoring adults trying to get citizenship and thought of all the amazing things that could come from it. i pushed the limits.  let myself be so whole and at the same time so open and so in need of more to complete all that i am. and that... pushing the limits of life. that is how i want to live everyday of my life. And when I live like that... pushing the limits of life. It leads to one exhausted brain and one super ready for bed shell :)


I also got the most wonderful email from my Zachy today.  The boy who taught me more about life and boys and friendship and the world than any teacher or boyfriend or genius person ever could.  He wrote just to tell me he loves me, and that he thinks Im amazing and that my blog inspires him. I teared up reading that.  He's my rock and I love that no matter how far away we are, this so special best friend sibling forever love between us is as strong as anything I've ever known. And if he could only begin to understand all of the part he has played in making me into the me I am today :) I love you Zachy, oh so very much.


I went to the Adult Citizenship school that I will be tutoring at tonight, was told to not wear blue or red and if I feel uncomfortable call security to walk me to my car. On our way back to school we talked a little about growing up in places with gangs, lockdowns or just lockdown drills. About being asked what gang we are in or about knowing nothing about it. Then I read my anthropology about women being raped and not reporting it, about the meaning and effect that has on innocent women in country's where they are seen as free to be dominated by men.  And I thought about how lucky I am to have lived so much of my life feeling safe. Feeling protected. Feeling like I can wear whatever colors I want, feeling like most of the time Im ok to walk by myself, feeling like if someone ever violated me and my space in any way shape or form my family would be their to support me in kicking that person's ass... however that may be.  How lucky am I, are so many of us, to have the luxury of feeling safe, strong, independent and also supported by the system.  My sociological brain goes crazy thinking about all the people that don't have that, and how important it is to be aware, cognizant, and empathetic to all the other things that other people have dealt with that we haven't.  I also thought about how little I know about my country that immigrants are forced to learn, how I was born here and thats good enough but many people put months or years into studying "the" history, culture, language, stories... all of the things that are so far from black and white and still are not given rights to be a part of what I learned today in spanish should be una ensalada de intigracion instead of a mixing pot de asimilacion. 


Just think about it every once and a while. About all the people in this country, this world. All the differences. All the challenges. And all the amazingness. Open your eyes and your mind and your heart and learn and listen and take down the judgements and the walls.. and push the limits of understanding. Push the limits of life :)


I am in a place where I am pushed to think about these things on a daily basis, where pushing the limits of life is easy with opportunities to learn and grow surrounding me. I love this place. I love being pushed to push the limits. Watch out life.. Im on a mission to push it, to have my world rocked a little, to learn, to step out of my comfort zone. And fill myself to the brim of life <3