the string

Happy Halloween world!! Im not always super sure of the words I want to come out on this here blog... but the thoughts in my head always seem big and important and sometimes they seem really monumental. And sometimes they just are the string that holds life together. But that string is important, and I like it more and more everyday. As I learn more about me, and as Margot would say become "homies with the universe" and all that jazz.

So the thoughts in my head.

Friendships, people, support.. the good, the frusterating, the love of those who show me what amazing friendships are, the new, the old, and the ones I learn from, even if it hurts my head a little.

Nostalgia- halloween, fall, dinner with last years crew, pictures. The feeling of being so lucky for then and now, and wondering what happens in between

Change- that every once and a while starts dancing and says HEY look at all that's happened, and most times you don't even notice it happening

Love- of life and family and friends

Future- all that is has to offer me, how its coming together, how I am so excited, and just scared enough that I'll stay on my toes :)

Urban Education- minor, fits, concrete, actually what I want from my life

Zachy- here next week to fill my heart full of all the best friend loads of love that seep out of him all the time

Motivation- that I find within and from all that surrounds me, to do better, to work hard, to be more, to learn and grow and squeeze the last drops of juice out of this life

School- which means learning and late nights and hard work and excitement and so much that I am so lucky to have unlike so many people... but sometimes makes me feel a tad bit overwhelmed ;)

I could go on forever... but those are where my head is right now. A little sleepy, a little frustrated with group projects, a lot thoughtful and a lot thankful and a lot blown away at all that is life... and wonderful :)

Hope your weekend was full of make believe and giggles and remembering childhood memories. And that you have thoughts in your head that feel like they are leading your life where it is supposed to go, and people to support you the whole way!

XOXOX

celebrations and frustrations

Last night during a sleepy, thoughtful, dreamer explosion of words that only best friends can keep up with Hayley and I came to the conclusion of a celebrations and frustrations book.  I believe in feeling emotions. In not denying yourself the raw moments of pure happiness and all the same the moments of pure sadness.  Allowing yourself to feel teaches you about you, helps you understand whats good and whats not so good for that heart that you spend so much of your life trying to find the key to. Cause your own heart and soul and thoughts and dreams and frusterations and misunderstandings, those are the most important. Cause how can you tackle those of the world when you aren't in touch with your own. Life is so good, but Im not gonna lie and say that every minute I love everything or that I dont have moments where I wouldn't mind staying in bed, or when I call my mom three times in a row just to whine, to someone that I know will tell me its all gonna be ok. Cause without those moments, the moments where everything feels right and you are inspired and ready to take on everyday with the biggest smile you can muster just aren't as good. So...

celebrations, likes, loves, inspirations, all things that make my heart flutter and soar

- the cozy cool feel of fall, that calls for scarves and mocassins, sweaters and apple cider

- the taking care of myself that I did this week, sleeping extra, taking a day off cause my body said so

- spending the evening in santa cruz with two of my favorite ladies chatting about all things life, window shopping and real shopping and eating dang good food

- brainstorming with Jess and getting this process of planning RYLA underway

- the absolutely amazing out of this world kiddos that are gonna take Interact to the next level

-my mama, and how much ive been missing her lately. how much i love every piece of her cause she is just that, my mama. and she'll forever be one of the coolest people I know

-the hope in my heart that the El Salvador study abroad program is sneaking its way into, the listening I've done to find it in that place, and the growing excitement and feeling of "yep this ones the right one"

- Halloween costumes I decided on tonight

-the quirky little life Mandy and I have created in this room... and having it to myself sometimes

- organizing, redecorating, perfecting of my room.. and my life at that

- the reminder that life IS inspiring... all over the place, you just gotta open your eyes

-my Zachy coming IN TWO WEEKS!

drum roll please

- SEATTLE.. ROAD TRIP... WITH MARGOT for Thanksgiving.. the pieces came together, you North Westerners, get ready!

and cause Im human and raw and cause I think its allowed

a few frusterations, rough patches or things that just dont quite agree with my soul as of late

-feeling uninspired and a little like a robot going through the motions of class, homework.. repeat

- being too busy for the things that i really want to do

- getting the flu and being so tired trying to kick it 

- the male population

- green stuff we call money

-relationships i may never understand and finding a way to come to peace with the misunderstandings

its like swept away... of course the celebrations are so much more.  but thats why its ok to feel the other stuff, cause once you get it out, you realize its never as bad as it is if you let it all build up. im going to bed early once last night to kick this flu thing out the door. im doing what i can to remind myself of the inspiration that is life, but giving myself some space to be human and feel frustrated here and there.

its all about balance. and good people. and inspiration

<3

dancing heart

happy sunday almost monday night.

this snarky little one who sometimes whines about sundays, and boring classes and too much homework and being sleepy...

is avoiding all signs of snarkiness tonight. hey world.. guess what. Im ready for Monday :)

I had such a wonderful weekend.  SCCAPiness to the max on Friday night and a sleepover in Hayley and Laurens room just cause I can. And then a weekend filled to the brim with RYLA and Interact and Rotary love and ideas and inspiration and amazingness.  And I came home and got into warm cozies and hunkered down in the library for a little bit of frusteration and then a nice feeling of accomplishment when I figured out something not quite in my realm of understanding cause of some serious perserverance, and to top it off tea with my bestie :)

I think all things Rotary are the most amazing thing that ever happened to my life. For reasons that I cannot even begin to put into words.  Rolo, Heather, Natalie and the interactors came this weekend to get ideas to build what we have started into something bigger and better that changes more people's lives and forever grows to empower more kids.  We played yesterday in Santa Cruz and had a total blast laughing and exploring and talking about anything and everything when RYLA blooded people come together and immediately bond. 

It was a blast. And inspiring. In ways that inspiring hasn't quite been defined in my head before.  Watching them want to make this grow, watching them excited and empowered and ready to take this so far was amazing.  Something that started with this crazy adventure I have been so lucky to go on being passed down to other people in my shoes who want to do something big, who are passionate and excited and out of this world. Its amazing and exciting and I feel so lucky to be a part of it, to hear ideas, to give thoughts, to watch it grow and to be even a little bit of help to them. They're going places, and Im lucky to be on the sidelines :)

And to spend the weekend with Rolo and Heather.  Those two are honestly the reason I am where I am today in the RYLA world and in so much bigger aspects of my life. RYLA has become my life, it has changed me and shaped me and lead me to where I am. And the reason I have been able to continue my involvement is because of them. And my heart was some word that I cant even come up with... full and light and dancing... my heart was dancing to spend the weekend with the two of them together, to think of how lucky I am that I have crossed paths with them and created relationships that will last forever and that will lead me to amazing things and that have completely and utterly changed my life. Thank you guys, you truly are absolutely amazing and inspiring people who I am so lucky to call family.

And.. it became real. I got the position as head J.C. next year. And Im ready to shout it to the world. Im ready to make the phone calls saying thanks, and Im so excited to work with you again. Im ready to come out of my shell and feel it with all the people who have helped me get here. I could not be more excited and I am so fortunate to be working with Jess. And more than anything else, I am absolutely blown away that I have been given this perfect opportunity to give back, to work my butt off so more kids, more counselors, more people on the side lines can feel what I feel and experience it and live it and love it and turn it into their life.

It makes me tear up when I think of how this whole journey started and has progressed. Its a mix of timing and luck and universe aligning that has allowed me to go through all these steps and now gets to take it one step further. To work with Jess to make it ours and to build it and to watch it continue to rock people's world but to change and grow little by little at the same time.  To empower people. To be empowered and to continue the forever journey and life filled with the RYLA magic. Thank you universe, you have done me far better than I could have ever asked.

Needless to say all that love and emotion and dancing heart and reminder of how good the Universe is to me sent me a little note saying "hey brat, stop with the "bored" and get in the game!"

Im ready to focus and be motivated and get out of these classes all there is to get out of them. I just needed a little break, and maybe a slight slap in the face :) 

Hmm. so content. Goodnight! happy monday :)

happy weekend!

HELLLOOOO FRIDAY!
hello I got 2 hours of sleep last night and am strategizing about how Im going to make it TO tonight ;)..  not to mention through the night.


we played and adventured last night instead of sleeping which I was really needing because I was feeling a little BORED with this school thing. And bored... thats a bad word that I dont want in my vocabulary. Just needed a little change in the routine. So.. I decided to make myself really tired today. Totally worth it though.


It is October 15th, the end of week 4. Where is my life running away to and how do I catch up with it?
Just kidding, Im running right there with it, but man it flies!


This weekend is going to be full of wonderfulness. SCCAP fun tonight and Rolo, Natalie, Heather and some Interactors in town tomorrow and Sunday. SO EXCITING!


I hope I dont sleep through the fun tonight. Or fall asleep while Im walking between now and then ;)


HAPPY WEEKEND!


P.S- My mama and I have been talking about traveling. Seattle for Thanksgiving break, and a possible awesome trip before I go abroad :)! AND she made zuchinni bread and is mailing it to me. Man... good life :)

hermiting... peace, quiet and listening to me

I grew up as the kid who would cry when I had two friends houses to go to and couldn't decide which one. I would cry if I was missing out on being with anybody. I had to be around people 24/7. I was the social butterfly who after every parent teacher conference had to be told again and again to stop talking in class. I was the kid who wanted to be everywhere and always wanted friends over and would fight til I could find someone to hang out with and was always always always talking on the phone.

Sometimes.. my friends call my Grandma.

Dont get me wrong, I still LOVE being around people. I love socializing. I love going out. I love every second I get with my friends.

But.. I also LOVE me time. I love being productive, doing errands, getting homework done, organizing my room, swimming/running by myself and gathering my thoughts in the process.

I even like being a hermit crab sometimes. Like tonight... I took a shower and got in my pajamas at 8:00, fully planning to spend the night in my room.. being a hermit. Or like this last week when I got the best news I could ask for and I ignored phone calls and didn't call back fast enough. I needed to process. I needed some me time. I needed peace and quiet.

I have learned to LOVE peace and quiet. I love staying in some nights when everybody else goes out. And I love that this weekend was a perfect mix of friends and fun and quiet and me time.  Of errands and hanging out, of organizing, doing homework, swimming. Of star gazing quietly, of doing things on my time.

So... if your one of the people that I sometimes forget to call back. Know that it is nothing personal.. its just me being a hermit for a while. Processing, basking in the amazingness that is life, and preparing for the next big social endeavor.  Cause the balance of the two= PERFECT.

Life is so precious. And sometimes it turns into a rat race of running from one thing to another, of giving so much, of running your battery low... so much so that you don't enjoy it as much, or you at least forget to enjoy it for a while. I think its important to process. To listen to your thoughts and your heart. To listen to the world or to nothing. And find peace inside... even in the chaos of life.

Let yourself catch up. With your thoughts or your homework or your reading or your sleep. Remember to take care of you, be a little selfish, be content with you. I have learned the importance of understanding myself, of taking care of myself and it makes life so full and juicy and overwhlemingly suculent. And I know there will be times in my life when other responsibilities will nag at my ability to hermit.. so for now. I will take full advantage of it.

Turn off your phone. Close facebook.  Lock your door or go for a run away from it all. Spend some you time. I dare you

<3 xoxoxo

Ask questions, feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.

i can feel my soul. 

i can feel the universe aligning around me. 

i can feel the doubt of putting it all out there for the world to see.

tonight i got another phone call, another universe kind of phone call. that will in the long run (not that long) be the determinant of some big choices I have been exploring.

I am mixed with all sorts of emotion.... excitement, joy, anxiety and a piece of me that is taking a rain check for some other ideas. a rain check happily taken.

I believe in fate. There was a day in my life that I laid in the grass under the sun and looked ahead and behind and realized I am alive.. I am going places.. and oh have I been places. I realized that life is so dang scary, but somehow it all works out. So... I believe in fate.

I think that the universe allows for a crazy mix of control, and no control at all. And sometimes the lack of control is the scariest thing ever and sometimes it is the most exhilarating thing ever. But I think in the end they balance each other out. Just when you are scared out of your mind cause things are reeling out of your control.. something in your life reminds you to hold on to the choices you can make. And just when the options seem endless and scary and like you could never ever decide, the universe grabs your hand and leads you in the right way.

Call me crazy, but I can feel my soul. And in all brutal honesty, me and my soul, thats what matters for now. 

I am learning a little something about following my heart. From living and learning. But more... From a friend who knows the right questions to ask and sees life from the most wonderfully colored kaleidoscope. 

Im learning the importance of this quote "Learn to follow your heart. Be quiet for a while at first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart"

Its telling me so much now. So much that I know is real and tangible and that just feels right. And that is sometimes scary, or different, or even not exactly as I thought it would happen, but for that reason, is just as dang good. Because the world is saturated with good people and good places. With things to see and learn and do. And because my heart is leading me to which ones work for me now. And with time, during rain and shine, moments of soul feeling and heart break, my heart will eventually find its way.

And for that fate. In nothing more than the universe and my heart. I am so grateful. For the confidence in this life.

And if nothing else, I hope you can find that confidence somewhere, cause oh does it feel good.

thoughts of a dreamer

hello :)

these are the thoughts of a dreamer

of dreams that more often than i can understand come true

when the universe aligns in crazy ways

and the people of my soul support and push a little farther.

dreams that have gotten me where i am today.. because sometimes logic just seems like a waste of time

cause the logistics... those fall into place

the dreams on the other hand... those come from deep inside, from the universe and from this rollercoaster we call life.

dreams of california since I was 8... and what a dream come true.

and now... the dreams just keep going

instead of dreams while I sleep...the dreams keep me awake

thinking of all the possibilities

the places to see and people to meet and things to do

of going to africa, to el salvador, to anywhere that will scoop me up and teach me

of traveling the world and seeing all that is unknown

of driving up the coast, stopping, searching, seeing friends, and places that are new and old all at the same time

dreams of changing the world

of doing what they doubt I can do

dreams of conversations. of hearing and telling stories.

of pushing the limits of life

making forever friendships

adventures

life changing moments

dreams of forever being excited for life

forever having a passion for learning

forever adventuring, loving and giving back.

of being balanced and inspired and passionate

dreams that lead the way i live my life

moment by moment

that remind me that these moments

these are as good as those ahead

and these are how i get there.

dreams that make this life. right now. last year. in three months.

exactly how i've always hoped it would turn out

dream on baby

...the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams

xoxo <3

inspiration. balance.

sometimes its easy to get caught up in cumbersome things of life.
but the cool thing... its also easy to snap out of it. and remind myself of how much dang good there is.


I wasn't feeling particularly inspired this weekend. Or passionate. Or.. I dunno anything extra special. And I spend A LOT of time feeling lots of things extra special.. so I felt a little off.  Not that it wasn't a good weekend, it was great. I just needed a little hey, life is SO much more than just life.


I had good conversations this weekend, with great people. Danced and laughed and relaxed. Saw my brother. Went for a run with the leaves falling around me and relished in the idea that its turning into fall right before my eyes and I love the way that it feels. Oh fall, so cozy, so wonderful, so much different than the week long falls of home, but definitely missing out on the aspens. It was all good. And I felt it all, but I guess I took the weekend to kinda go into that I don't really think about things kinda mode.


But that planned Sunday afternoon call.  The nerves and trying to prepare before hand. The reminder of how much I love that part of my life.  The conversation that sparked all the passion and love and gratitude for being a part of it.. it woke me right back up.  It was my interview for Young RYLA head JC. Something that in all honesty has not been at the forefront of my brain the last two weeks while I've been here. I've thought about it but I've also thought about Africa and SCCAP and this life.  And talking to Junior about RYLA and all we could do with it reminded me of how dang cool it is. And as RYLA head JC I will be doing the exact opposite of missing out, and if I don't get it, I will find another way to put it all into life. And Im so at peace with either way that it works out. And hope so much to get it so I could put all my love and time and energy into something that has given me so much, but its also not gonna kill me if I don't get it. And thats exactly where I want to be.


This place is SO good. SO inspirational. So full of extra specialness. And I love when I have moments of oh yeah, I LOVE IT HERE and have not a reason in the world to let my inspiration and motivation and excitement slip. Its just too good.


Tomorrow is Jack Johnson, and then first day of Arrupe, and then LUCHA orientation and department meeting and then the week is over again. Time is such a crazy thing, that can slip away so easily if you don't stop and think sometimes.  And the busy days, the logistics, the stress, the constant running, its easy to get lost in. But then I open my eyes and my heart and my mind and see all the extra there is to get caught up in. And its all about the balance. And that was my problem this weekend I was just a little off balance.


Its about remembering to take care of all parts of you. Of the you things that make you feel good, of the friend things that make you feel good, the homework and work and responsibilities that you signed up for for a reason, and a little bit of down time to keep it all in perspective.  Here we go week three, I'm ready now. Sorry I was a little behind :)


Its about pushing the limits, and stepping out of your comfort zone. And sometimes, staying in it too :)
Good night world. Happy Tuesday
XOXOXO