So Im laying in bed... thinking about how wonderful this day was. How out of this world life is. And how there are so many moments that are like a big slobbery kiss on the cheek from life reminding me of all that it is. I know I come here all the time and ramble on about how much I love life. And I am cheesy and cliche and so many things, but thats ok with me.
I just was looking at the Peace Corps website... add to list of things to consider after graduation. Then Tears in Heaven comes on Pandora. This song is a song for a place in my heart that is so special and quiet and has had such a huge impact on who and where I am. One summer in Michigan Dad and I were standing on the porch and this song comes on. He looks out over the lake and says "this is my song for Eric".. and my heart melts. He's not a real emotional man. We dont talk much about the beautiful life that came in and out and left such a huge mark on our souls, but at the moment he let me in just a little more and showed me how big the mark is on his heart too. And everytime I hear this song, I hold them both so close. And laying here, thinking of all the beautiful moments, having that song play, my heart just flutters feeling how connected it all is.
This morning I went to Julian Street, the SCCAP program that Margot runs at an adult transitional home. She wakes up every Saturday at the butt crack of dawn and goes with a group of volunteers to make breakfast for 70 residents and then sit and eat and chat with them. I have been twice before but today I had the most amazing conversation. The people in the home struggle with addiction, different mental/emotional stuggles, chronic homelessness, and some other things, but are truly some of the most thoughtful, good hearted people in the world. I sat down next to a man with a neck brace on and he proceeded to tell me so much about his journey that led him to Julian Street, last night was his first night and I was so very lucky to spend his first breakfast with him. He was in the military and navy, jumped and lived off of freight trains around the U.S. for ten years and spent a lot of time in and out of jail. He's at Julian Street after coming out of the Veterans Hospital for a year because of a reoccuring injury and the man is ready to revamp his life. He told me he was an alcoholic, internalizing challenges and pains from his childhood, his time in the military and not knowing how much dysfunction he had inside until he saw something on adult children of alcoholics. He opened up his heart and vulnerability and we connected over personal experience, passion, and a connection that happens between two people with hearts. We talked about education, war, traveling, societies inequalities and the forever challenge brought up in this society of not overcoming emotional challenges, we talked about having a therapist in every classroom and I could have sat with him for hours. Its amazing how in a situation like that the conversations are so much more rich and real than they are in everyday life. These people have been pushed so far, often dont connect with the others in their homes and just want a caring soul to acknowledge, converse and listen to them. He talked to me about how he feels to old to make an impact, how its people like me who have to do that, and no words could to describe to him the impact that he made on my life in that short twenty minute conversation, one for the books that will stick with me for so long. It fueled my soul.
I came home, slept for two hours, had breakfast with my two best friends and then spent the day with two women who inspire me so much. I cannot express enough the amazing people that have come into my life this year. The passion and soul and love that comes out of this people that have been such a place of comfort, love and growth for me. Maddie, Diana and I went into East San Jose for the "Somos Mayfair Mothers Day Fair". Mayfair is a community/ community center in East San Jose, majority Latino immigrants that struggles with poverty, unemployment, health problems, and all these things our society unfairly places on their shoulders. We took part in a ceremony celebrating mothers, listen to poems, songs, watched amazing dancing and a play put together but one of the community centers project and the best part was an amazing Bambara group. We just took part in this beautiful cultural event and felt right at home even though we were one of very few who came from outside of the community. We ate delicious homemade tamales in the sunshine and talked about the beauty of cultures, about how you raise kids, about what it is that made us "socially concious" a question someone asked me this morning at Julianne St. We talked about parents and personality and empathy and so many things. About El Salvador, traveling, life, love. And just were a part of such an amazing things. Its so cool being in this place where I am surrounding by culture and life and diversity and my eyes are opened to things like this Latino Cultural Fair and the troubles of a homeless man and so much more.
I'm just amazed at all these beautiful moments that happen constantly. Even on the days when Im whiney about being in a "funk" not wanting to do homework, not being sure of myself, feeling like bed is a good option...but what comes out of that is rejuvenation, taking care of me how I know how and clearing my head to come back to reality and be on this planet taking and giving with it in as best as a balance as I can find.
I am constantly forced to see things from a bigger picture, thinking, growing, loving and just so very inspired. This is all I wanted out of life and so much more, coming to Santa Clara I hoped for new and different and amazing but really had no idea how much of that I was coming into.
I bought my plane ticket to El Salvador yesterday, its actually about as real as its going to get until I get there... and still not very real. Its the next step in this journey. And the ones between here and there are so very special and important and meaningful, I almost wish I could push the slow motion button just so I remember to take it all in. Cause its just so good. Thank you universe for giving me this life. And if you made it to the end of this thanks for listening to me ramble, I hope it moves something in you, connects with you or reminds you to hold onto al the beautiful moments, and if you are funking find an outlet for beauty, cause this life has so many.
Happy Weekend. And Happy Mothers Day to all you amazing mamas out there, especially mine. Miss you dearly. XOXOX
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