opening our eyes

Just a disclaimer... this is bound to be a stream of conciousness post... because Im exhausted and thats how life works and exhausted= rawish

Where to start...
Davey was here this weekend, we had an absolutely fantastic time. I love the kid to death. He needed sunshine and love and happiness and people his age. I needed a refresher some motivation and never say no to the feeling of home cooked love. Ya know. We did so much in such a short time and it was absolutely fantastic.. loved it.

Bin Laden was killed... I found out on facebook from the posts that cheered and cursed and celebrated America. And in all honesty.. I was disgusted. Its not really my thing to come ranting about politics here. I have opinions and I have learned a lot more about politics and injustice and things of that sort since coming to Santa Clara but for some reason that's just not what ends up here. But this time, I dunno I was just unsettled about it. I, like many others, do not know enough about the War on Terrorism, I know the basics, I know Bin Laden was the leader of horrible, painful, inhumane acts and I know that since I was in 5th grade we have been looking for him. I see that there is likely value in putting a stop to his influence, but also... America is not the end all be all because we killed him, and I just dont think we can throw everything in the air, set off fireworks and act as if its all over and we are this amazing country. Not to mention, there is something a little bit off about celebrating, with such lack of poise, often ignorance and just disregard as we did.  There is so much more to it and we live in this country that thinks we are so powerful and able and important. That we have the answers and can just step in on others people's business and tell them whats right. We have this pride that to me comes from a place of ignorance and lack of concern for humanity.  We have done so much wrong, we have killed and hurt and overstepped and we make so many mistakes.  We have so many people suffering right within our own boarders and instead make it our business to step into the affairs of other countries. We think we are the land of the American Dream, we think we breathe and speak equality, we think we are so many things. And really we are flawed and corrupted and are failing so many people.  And its so unfortunate to see the murder of a flawed man become more of a reason to celebrate this flawed country, to think of ourselves as bigger and better and to act as if we have solved the worlds problems and are superior to so many others.  Sometimes its easy to block off reality, to believe that we are all these things, to celebrate a death... but come on people, step back, open your eyes and take a minute to really think about more than one bloody success.

Im not sure how to tranistion from there.. for some reason that whole thing just really messes with me.  I am learning about inequality day after day, about structural failures, about education systems being so flawed that we sit and have circular conversations for hours wondering if we will ever be able to make a change.  I spend my days at LUCHA where teachers worry about their kids not doing well on standardized tests because at home they dont speak the language they are forced to learn at school. We are on a high horse and think that America is all right, all the time... that White, Christian, English speakers are the epitome of success and we are so damn ignorant. There is so much beauty in diversity and other cultures. In different languages, traditions, histories. But instead we teach and preach one, degrading the value of others and creating a cycle of whites being successful and powerful and able to exploit, ignore and fail those who do not fit the "mold". Its painful to watch and I just hope that day by day more of us are learning about these structural failures, more of us are opening our eyes to the beauty of others, appreciating humans for our similarities; beating hearts, desires for love and success and excitement, histories, dreams, etc. I hope that the status quoting MLK outdo those stating "F*$k Yeah America". I hope people stop, think, listen and open their minds.

Speaking of beauty of diversity, on Tuesday nights I have the coolest Arrupe in the world. Its called Comida and Conversation.  Students from SCU and Spanish speaking community members come together to share a meal and to share our languages with each other. Half hour of speaking in English and half hour in Spanish. We just chat, about whatever we want. Its such an amazing program. Learning and listening and creating these relationships. Breaking boundaries and appreciating differeing lifestyles. Being equals, sharing laughter and fears and hearts. Its fantastic. Lately I crave speaking Spanish. Im ready to start just taking chances, forcing myself to practice and learn and get better. I really love the barriers it can break and love the ability to connect with people who are so often ignored.

Last but not least.  I have a nannying job with a beautiful 6 month old baby. Its only about once a week but she is finding her way into my heart. I have such a place in my heart for kids and babies. Their little smiles and curiosity and vulnerability just light up my life. They are soo beautiful and real.. and then we corrupt them. But anyways, we just had such a wonderful day. Playing in the park and the grass. Reading stories. Good for the soul. Reminds me of the hope for the world to learn and open our minds and get over this ridiculousness that we have become.

Happy Wednesday. I hope you have a fantastic day and I hope you stop and think about our country, our ways, the world, diversity and love. XOXO