Miracles, God, Spirituality?

Yesterday I got the email about Ms.Oaks and I cried. Today Katie called me to tell me some great news about her uncle who was thought to have maybe 2 weeks left over 3 months ago and now might have a chance to survive. I read through the entire journal of his journey through his battle with cancer. And I cried. Friends wrote about his challenges, Sean wrote about his joys, his faith, and his love for people. I just talked to Molly, and again talked about Ms.Oaks, her love for us, for life, and everything she gave us, and how much we wish we could give all that back to her kids, who now do not have a mother, who our hearts break for. Katie's uncle has an 8-20% chance of surviving now "its SO much better then 0" she says, that is an understatement, as she herself would agree. That is the best news their family has had since this all hit. And I'm thoughtful

Today we had the Mass of the Holy Spirit, a mass to bless the community for the coming year, I went cause I had to for class, and cause I was interested. All my life we have been "catholic" since I can remember we have only been going to church on Christmas and maybe Easter. I have never really felt it, or got it. Today..I felt it. I was so interested, so compelled byt he feeling of the church. And then again, I thought about Sean and Ms.Oaks, and the ups and downs and miracles of life.

I cant explain Ms.Oaks, I absolutely cannot understand why she should have her life taken away, why her children should have their mother taken away. Maybe its just life, just the medical part of human beings, or maybe there is a higher power. Maybe she needs to teach someone else to love, like she taught us to love and learn and thrive in life. But Sean, he is a miracle, already, and if that 8-20% suffices he is without question a miracle. The teenager who fell out of a truck and blew a .414 and survived is a miracle. Me being here, in this beautiful place, that is a miracle. I dunno about God, I dunno about churches, I dunno about religion. But...I know that I am here, Sean has a chance, Andrew is alive, and miracles like this actually do happen, more then just the ones we know. I also know that today when I was in that church I felt compelled to pray, to hear what they were saying, to be apart of the power of the church, of the religion. I felt compelled to think about religion, even though lots of times i wonder if it creates judgement.

I wish Ms.Oaks could be with her children, I wish people didn't have to suffer, i cant understand that, but for some reason today I feel like there is a bigger power in control of our lives. I dunno if I'll feel the same way tomorrow but Im gonna explore this feeling, I just wanna check it out, think about things like this, not just dismiss them like they do not matter. Spirituality is the center of a lot of peoples lives, the explanation of their world, maybe its time to think about it.