midterms, stress, ahhh peace

Its been a stressful week. Midterms, three, flat bike tires, missed busses, mom having surgery, grandma not doing well, some of those days that just seem like one thing after another, and because your stressed and tired and emotional it just seems that much worse. I had the biggest break down I've had since I've been here, then I swam and released it all and man did it feel good. Emotions need to happen, unfortunately sometimes they seem to happen in a big hard one time thing, but sometimes its better. I called Jes crying and he goes you've been so happy, I forgot about the other side. Despite wanting to punch him its true, I've been holding on soooo tight to all the good things that the hard parts of this transition just stayed away, but they still happened, and all hit when the tire popped on my way to tutoring kiddos. Funny how that happens, funny how life all works out. The midterms I studied for like crazy and stressed myself out about, they went fine, probably because I stressed myself out and studied hard, but its so nice walking away being like, ya I think I did ok, I think I was prepared. And now that the week is over, having no stress and a weekend of fun waiting for me, wow it feels good.

On another note, I got an email from one of my campers today and talked to a few of them throughout the week. Just when I was unmotivated and ready to curl up in a ball it seemed someone, the campers, Scotty, Britt, Ese, Liv, whoever, was there to pick me up. I love that. I guess I don't really know what I'm writing about, I'm just happy, happy for life. This morning for religion I went to part of this conference on contemplative religions and the one I saw was about Jewish prayer, and no matter what you believe in or where you come from the ideas were so good. Life is a gift and every morning when we wake up we should realize how lucky we are. Granted, life is also a rollercoaster and there are days when it just seems easier to hide under a blanket and wait for a day that seems a little less of a big scary challenge. But today, I just feel lucky for life. Lucky to be the person I am and stress out so that I do better on my finals, lucky to have the AMAZING people in my world, to call Scotty and just feel like the world is mine to conquer, like with people behind me I can get anywhere I want, to get emails from 8th graders who are still figuring out life telling me their worries, their joys and sharing their world with me, lucky to have best friends who make the world so great, lucky that its Friday and this weekend is time to relax and enjoy life.

Mom had ankle surgery yesterday, and I didnt realize how good it would feel to hear her voice after, hear her feeling good, feeling like finally she could escape some of the things that have been bogging her down. When I talked to her before surgery I was so scared for her, I teared up knowing I wasn't there, knowing how huge this was and that if it worked out really it would change her life, and if it didn't it could be really scary. We are professionals on knee surgery, we go in everytime knowing it will be fixed, me more afriad of the needles then of the doctors cutting up my leg and replacing my ligaments, but we haven't been down the ankle road yet. The physical pain she has been experiencing has totally affected so many pieces of her world, and this surgery is what she has been banking on, its done, now it can only get better, and that makes my heart so happy.

I had an advising appointment yesterday to figure out my life, ha just kidding, that doesnt happen that easily, really to figure out next quarter. Im just excited, I like my classes, I cant choose classes next quarter cause they are all so interesting, I love that, I love that my classes make me think. I know I love people, and even more kids. Sociology and english is a perfect teaching degree, I dunno if I wanna teach, I didn't really think I did, but the one thing in life that makes me light up like none other is kids, their smiles, their awesome view on life, its so fantastic, so somehow thats gotta be in my life. Hmm.

I'm going home in like 21 days, and I'm so so excited. When you go away home becomes so much more fantastic and I cant wait to be with the people I love, but I will miss it here. It's gonna be weird, packing to go home. I mean that will ALWAYS be home, no matter where I go, but today, and this year this right here is home. My bed in the sunshine, Keely and Stella and everyone else, this is where I am now. Its weird how you go into this having no idea and before you know it it becomes your life. The pictures, its all home. But also, forever and for always...mom and Ese and Zachy and Chels and Dave and Will and Liv and the snow will be home. I love that, I love that that will never change, no matter how much the rest of life changes. I have so much more to talk about but Im gonna be late to class :) So to be continued