So I kept trying to write about winter quarter ending, spring quarter starting. But I couldn't quite find the words to express how I was feeling. It kept just being a bunch of mumble jumble about life going to fast, and so much happening freshmen year. And it might still be that. But i just read Stella's blog. And it got me. She too was trying to find words to bid farewell to winter quarter and she too is a sentimental mush ball if you catch her at the right time. She caught me at the right time. Today has been a bit of a rough day, and her words got me.
"Freshmen year has been so so good to me" she says, man has it been good to us. It has been absolutely amazing. A roller coaster of learning and laughing and some tears here and there and meshing together. We are so different, but we live in this little space together and we laugh and we cry and we spill our hearts to each other, and we've figured it out. We've made our differences work and meshed some but also just loved each other for being so different. And we laugh at each other and also ponder life together. We feel things together. I feel like she has become like a sister. And for that and so many other things I am so lucky.
Then she talked about geography. All of our different places. Nebraska, Colorado, San Jose, San Diego, the list goes on. I drew her a map last night because she tells me Californian's only know California and New York and I told her if she learns anything from me she will learn where Colorado is, and a few other important states. I taped it to the mirror, cause the fashionista loves that mirror. Gotta love it :) But really the point is, we have come from all these different places, together and we have meshed. But we are scared of summer, when we will go back to our places, and be far away and how we will deal with that. And of forever when that happens. I am already far away from the people who brought me here, and it's ok. The relationships that matter don't mind distance, and distance only makes them stronger and makes you appreciate each other more. And, when you have friends far away you get to experience new things together, and see new places, and broaden your horizons. And it scares me that as we get older we will be farther apart for longer, but I trust in the relationships that can out live the distance. The relationships where it's ok if you don't talk for a while cause your busy, and the times you do talk are that much more special, the relationships where you are so excited to show people your world, and hug people so hard after you've been away for a long time. Those are awesome relationships, and we are building them here. That is the best thing about life, about new places, about new years: new relationships. I honestly feel like I have been so incredibly lucky in that department and have so many friendships that I cherish so much. And these relationships I cherish so much, and they will last even when we are far apart, Stella- forever and for always we will be close, we will mesh our different worlds and we will experience life together, and I am so excited that we might get to live together next year :) i love you!
I'm going home this weekend, to celebrate some of those awesome relationships. To see my mommy and my mountains. And Tiff and Elyse and Liv and Molly and Kali and Mindy and Kam and Britt and Susan and Jim. Home for three days and I get to see all those people and maybe more. Lucky I tell you, so so lucky.
I cant believe spring quarter is starting. I need a few days to get into the swing of things, spring break was also so good to me, my head may still be on the beach, listening to the ocean. Oops ;)
Its funny how we all have meshed. Hayley said the other day "we are all meshing into each other" and we are totally picking up on each others habits. We all have come to like the same food, wear similar clothes, say similar things, like similar music and have similar hobbies. Obviously forever we will have our differences but its fun to pick up other people's pieces of life, and share life as much as you do when you all live together. Hayley and I had a big long talk about life last night, again :) And it was great. College means for SO much learning and awareness and thinking and evaluating, and its really awesome to have some great friends to evaluate life with and then to also be crazy and roll on the floor laughing with.
I'm ready for all sorts of more fun. And new classes to stretch my mind. And adventures to new places. And fun weekends and silly inside jokes, and more big long life talks and more life. I love love love the feeling of constantly being excited for life, cause its SO exciting.
So here's to spring quarter, even better than the last two :)
Um they are talking about there being attractive boys all over campus, they come out in the spring ;), we'll take it lol. And Hayley is wearing a corn on the cob hat. Oh college, gotta love it.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
SPRING BREAK- SO GOOD
hello there! oh boy do I have a lot to write about, and a lot to think about :) Kels and I just talked about the importance of debreifing our lives and our heads and feelings and thoughts and experiences. And thats what this does for me. So...lets start with spring break.
It was SO SO SO SO SO great. I dont even really know how to explain. We had so much fun. And San Diego is AMAZING and those girls are amazing. So I'll start with the spark notes. There were so many moments, that were so great. I wish I could have blogged every night but of course there was not time for that since we were busy doing so much fun stuff and just relaxing.
All week we jammed in the car, we sang our lungs out and danced and laughed and loved the lyrics and blasted the music with the windows down and our hair blowing and it was SO great
we shopped... A LOT which is always great (new underwear for a super good deal WOO HOO) and other good finds :)
we went to Disneyland on Tuesday...i dont even have to explain, its Disneyland and its freakin fantastic. We didnt go on a billion rides but just went on the really good ones and a couple of them twice. California screamin, soarin over california and space mountain were the best. On california screamin Keely and I sat in the very front and it was sooo freakin fun. Soarin over California is like this stimulation of flying through all these sooo pretty parts of California and it feels SO real, there are smells and you feel like your toes are gonna touch the water and its just so cool. And Space Mountain is awesome cause its in the dark so it was sooo fun. We ate cotton candy and ice cream and watched the parade and reminisced about Disneyland as kids. And it all ended with the OUT OF THIS WORLD FIREWORKS. Seriously they were SO good and there is something about fireworks that just is like mind boggling exciting and gives you adrenaline and a weird kind of inspiring. It was really really awesome, one of the many moments where we stood there in awe thinking about how freaking awesome life is.
We spent most of Wed, Thurs and Fri at the beach getting tan and just relaxing. I was laying on the beach listening to Jack Johnson and i was so just so incredibly content it was perfect. Then we went and played in the freezing ocean water like little kids and jumped the waves and dove in and built a sand castle and it was so freaking fun. The ocean is amazing, just laying there listening to it is really peaceful and its so strong and huge, and so interesting to watch and BEAUTIFUL! I read Water for Elephants throughout the week on the beach and it was just perfect, laying out reading, sleeping, running into the water when we got to hot and just so much awesomeness.
Thursday we walked up off the beach into this super cute coffee shop called Java Hut, it was all beachy surf bum like and the employees were hillarious. It was just an awesome laid back, friendly feel and I LOVE coffee shops, I could have stayed forever. Except the next thing was even better...
We went to the meditation gardens which is this preety big chunk of space on a cliff over looking the ocean that is closed off and turned into this beautiful garden by um I dunno who, I think a religion, I'm terrible, but it was really cool. There were flowers EVERYWHERE that I loved and trees and grass and ponds and benches for people to sit on and meditate and think and feel and it was SO beautiful and SO peaceful, I think if I lived in San Diego I would spend so much time there thinking and writing and reading and just taking in all the beauty. It was SO preety.
THEN we went and took surf lessons. Which was SO much fun and SO much work. You spend most the time fighting the waves and trying not to get pumbled and or hit in the face with your surf board while your walking back out to try again. The ocean is SO strong and powerful for a little human to fight. But taking a lesson was so helpful and I got up a few times! I feel like now I could have Jesse help me and slowly figure it out a little more for myself but I definitely needed to start with a lesson. it was WAY fun. :)
Thursday night we watched Up which is just the cutest most heart warming movie ever :) I love it.
Yesterday we had another beach day (laid out a little too long, I may or may not have a very red stomach) But last night we went to Fondue for dessert and Hayley showed us a few more gorgous places (there were SO many...San Diego is amazing)
SO...it was an absolutely fantastic break. We had a blast. And talked so much about life, and things flying by and how scary it is that Freshmen year is 2/3rds of the way done, seriously i CANNOT believe it. And how much things have changed and how we are so excited for everyday and how much we absolutely love college. And we laughed so much and gave each other sass and it was fantastic.
Keely and I became true Califonians, we bought Rainbows and Vans, got tan lines, took surfing lessons, we are on our way to native status ;).
It was the best spring break ever, and Im sad that its over, but soooo excited for every day of life, ALWAYS. And for this quarter to be amazing and to show them my home and just everything.
Oh and YOUNG RYLA. Scotty and Mikaila sent out some stuff and I'm soooo excited and they are freaking out of this world :) Its gonna be fantastic.
I have so much more, I just talked to Kelsey, about so much. As always. But Ill come back with more thoughts later.
It was amazing, and we did so much more and felt so much and it was out of this world. I will try to put some pictures up once my camera decides to cooperate :)
Now its back to school and business and not laying out on the beach all day everyday, but thats ok its awesome, i just really want this quarter to slow down a little cause the last two have gone WAY to fast. Its insane..
It was SO SO SO SO SO great. I dont even really know how to explain. We had so much fun. And San Diego is AMAZING and those girls are amazing. So I'll start with the spark notes. There were so many moments, that were so great. I wish I could have blogged every night but of course there was not time for that since we were busy doing so much fun stuff and just relaxing.
All week we jammed in the car, we sang our lungs out and danced and laughed and loved the lyrics and blasted the music with the windows down and our hair blowing and it was SO great
we shopped... A LOT which is always great (new underwear for a super good deal WOO HOO) and other good finds :)
we went to Disneyland on Tuesday...i dont even have to explain, its Disneyland and its freakin fantastic. We didnt go on a billion rides but just went on the really good ones and a couple of them twice. California screamin, soarin over california and space mountain were the best. On california screamin Keely and I sat in the very front and it was sooo freakin fun. Soarin over California is like this stimulation of flying through all these sooo pretty parts of California and it feels SO real, there are smells and you feel like your toes are gonna touch the water and its just so cool. And Space Mountain is awesome cause its in the dark so it was sooo fun. We ate cotton candy and ice cream and watched the parade and reminisced about Disneyland as kids. And it all ended with the OUT OF THIS WORLD FIREWORKS. Seriously they were SO good and there is something about fireworks that just is like mind boggling exciting and gives you adrenaline and a weird kind of inspiring. It was really really awesome, one of the many moments where we stood there in awe thinking about how freaking awesome life is.
We spent most of Wed, Thurs and Fri at the beach getting tan and just relaxing. I was laying on the beach listening to Jack Johnson and i was so just so incredibly content it was perfect. Then we went and played in the freezing ocean water like little kids and jumped the waves and dove in and built a sand castle and it was so freaking fun. The ocean is amazing, just laying there listening to it is really peaceful and its so strong and huge, and so interesting to watch and BEAUTIFUL! I read Water for Elephants throughout the week on the beach and it was just perfect, laying out reading, sleeping, running into the water when we got to hot and just so much awesomeness.
Thursday we walked up off the beach into this super cute coffee shop called Java Hut, it was all beachy surf bum like and the employees were hillarious. It was just an awesome laid back, friendly feel and I LOVE coffee shops, I could have stayed forever. Except the next thing was even better...
We went to the meditation gardens which is this preety big chunk of space on a cliff over looking the ocean that is closed off and turned into this beautiful garden by um I dunno who, I think a religion, I'm terrible, but it was really cool. There were flowers EVERYWHERE that I loved and trees and grass and ponds and benches for people to sit on and meditate and think and feel and it was SO beautiful and SO peaceful, I think if I lived in San Diego I would spend so much time there thinking and writing and reading and just taking in all the beauty. It was SO preety.
THEN we went and took surf lessons. Which was SO much fun and SO much work. You spend most the time fighting the waves and trying not to get pumbled and or hit in the face with your surf board while your walking back out to try again. The ocean is SO strong and powerful for a little human to fight. But taking a lesson was so helpful and I got up a few times! I feel like now I could have Jesse help me and slowly figure it out a little more for myself but I definitely needed to start with a lesson. it was WAY fun. :)
Thursday night we watched Up which is just the cutest most heart warming movie ever :) I love it.
Yesterday we had another beach day (laid out a little too long, I may or may not have a very red stomach) But last night we went to Fondue for dessert and Hayley showed us a few more gorgous places (there were SO many...San Diego is amazing)
SO...it was an absolutely fantastic break. We had a blast. And talked so much about life, and things flying by and how scary it is that Freshmen year is 2/3rds of the way done, seriously i CANNOT believe it. And how much things have changed and how we are so excited for everyday and how much we absolutely love college. And we laughed so much and gave each other sass and it was fantastic.
Keely and I became true Califonians, we bought Rainbows and Vans, got tan lines, took surfing lessons, we are on our way to native status ;).
It was the best spring break ever, and Im sad that its over, but soooo excited for every day of life, ALWAYS. And for this quarter to be amazing and to show them my home and just everything.
Oh and YOUNG RYLA. Scotty and Mikaila sent out some stuff and I'm soooo excited and they are freaking out of this world :) Its gonna be fantastic.
I have so much more, I just talked to Kelsey, about so much. As always. But Ill come back with more thoughts later.
It was amazing, and we did so much more and felt so much and it was out of this world. I will try to put some pictures up once my camera decides to cooperate :)
Now its back to school and business and not laying out on the beach all day everyday, but thats ok its awesome, i just really want this quarter to slow down a little cause the last two have gone WAY to fast. Its insane..
Friday, March 19, 2010
spring time (feels like summer at home)
So, I'm sitting here, Stella is cleaning/packing I'm cleaning/packing/updating music and thinking as always. We are done with our 2nd quarter of freshmen year, and seriously I dunno how it happened so fast. I feel like this one was even faster than last quarter. And was full of a TON of learning. Seriously I feel like I am learning so much about myself and the world and friendships and life and I also take comfort in knowing there is still so so so so much more out there to learn. Cause I know I will never have it figured out, and there is not a minute ever where I feel like its all figured out, so its nice knowing that I will keep learning.
I have learned about being honest with myself, and taking care of me, and living as a loving genuine, consistent person, and also a lot about self reflecting and learning how to live and be so close to people who are so new.
Last night Keely and Hayley and I stayed til the wee hours of the morning talking about life. Where we've been, where we are now and everything in between. And most importantly how relative it all is, and how different it all is, and how now we bring it together, into one world, one life, and so much new, where we have to figure out what we do with it. And its really exciting and scary and fun and hard, but its so life, and we like that. We talked about how fortunate we are. That is such a common theme in my life. SO fortunate. It was fantastic, they are great, life is great, and I have so SO SO SO SO many amazing people to help me as I learn so much and hit ups and downs and spin in circles a few times :)
I'm still feelin the effects of having Kels here. We talked so much, and after she got home today we both talked about bringing new light to each other, and making each other see somethings in a whole new way. Seriously she reminded me of the best person I can be, she brought some ideas into my head of how to live and be and love better, and Im so happy she did. So now, I really wanna live that way, I really wanna be a consistently and genuinely loving and caring person who exudes joy and a passion for life. Cause thats who I am with Kels and on the days when the sun is shinin so bright but sometimes I get caught up in life, caught up relationships that are not RYLA relationships, living every second with people, being too far away, differences, being too close to my mother. I want to be that person with all the people in my life all the time. And obviously i will have my moments and my days...i am human, but I wanna try really hard to be aware of what I'm putting off, and to be the person I know I am.
I also had a super talk with Mr Scotty Nickles today, and feel really awesome to have some stuff make more sense. He helped, he gets my head, he understands me more than I do sometimes, and he was like HELLO wake up, you are you stop being a freak :) so that was awesome
Um SPRING BREAK is now. All this time we have been counting down, now we are packing, leaving in the morning and SO excited! I seriously cannot wait! I am so excited for sunshine, relaxing on the beach, sleeping in, lazy mornings with breakfast on the porch, SO much laughing, awesome amazing out of this world friends, good food, driving with the windows down and the music blaring and so much life and love and adventures and fun and new to take in :) YAY!
I cannnot believe this quarter is over. And Im super excited for next quarter and to come back feeling refreshed. New classes, new adventures, and lots of awesome that is already here. AND SO MUCH SUNSHINE (its been 70-80 degrees all week!)
Heres to a really fun break and an awesome 2nd quarter and SO much good life and SO many wonderful people in my world :) And another quarter of wonderfulness :) Happy springish/summer feeling time!
I have learned about being honest with myself, and taking care of me, and living as a loving genuine, consistent person, and also a lot about self reflecting and learning how to live and be so close to people who are so new.
Last night Keely and Hayley and I stayed til the wee hours of the morning talking about life. Where we've been, where we are now and everything in between. And most importantly how relative it all is, and how different it all is, and how now we bring it together, into one world, one life, and so much new, where we have to figure out what we do with it. And its really exciting and scary and fun and hard, but its so life, and we like that. We talked about how fortunate we are. That is such a common theme in my life. SO fortunate. It was fantastic, they are great, life is great, and I have so SO SO SO SO many amazing people to help me as I learn so much and hit ups and downs and spin in circles a few times :)
I'm still feelin the effects of having Kels here. We talked so much, and after she got home today we both talked about bringing new light to each other, and making each other see somethings in a whole new way. Seriously she reminded me of the best person I can be, she brought some ideas into my head of how to live and be and love better, and Im so happy she did. So now, I really wanna live that way, I really wanna be a consistently and genuinely loving and caring person who exudes joy and a passion for life. Cause thats who I am with Kels and on the days when the sun is shinin so bright but sometimes I get caught up in life, caught up relationships that are not RYLA relationships, living every second with people, being too far away, differences, being too close to my mother. I want to be that person with all the people in my life all the time. And obviously i will have my moments and my days...i am human, but I wanna try really hard to be aware of what I'm putting off, and to be the person I know I am.
I also had a super talk with Mr Scotty Nickles today, and feel really awesome to have some stuff make more sense. He helped, he gets my head, he understands me more than I do sometimes, and he was like HELLO wake up, you are you stop being a freak :) so that was awesome
Um SPRING BREAK is now. All this time we have been counting down, now we are packing, leaving in the morning and SO excited! I seriously cannot wait! I am so excited for sunshine, relaxing on the beach, sleeping in, lazy mornings with breakfast on the porch, SO much laughing, awesome amazing out of this world friends, good food, driving with the windows down and the music blaring and so much life and love and adventures and fun and new to take in :) YAY!
I cannnot believe this quarter is over. And Im super excited for next quarter and to come back feeling refreshed. New classes, new adventures, and lots of awesome that is already here. AND SO MUCH SUNSHINE (its been 70-80 degrees all week!)
Heres to a really fun break and an awesome 2nd quarter and SO much good life and SO many wonderful people in my world :) And another quarter of wonderfulness :) Happy springish/summer feeling time!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
love and laughs and yellow RYLA house
I just spent the last two days with Kelsey and it was absolutely amazing. I am EXHAUSTED and the lovely gardners decided to weed whack outside my window bright and early this morning (it wasnt that early, i had already been up studying and then went back to sleep haha, but it didnt sit well with me) But exhausted does not even matter
It was absolutely out of this world wonderful to have her here, like I can't even put it into words. She wasn't even here for a full two days but we fit in SO much talking and laughing and loving and seeing. Sunday we laid in the grass and talked life and explored campus and made sense of each others heads, or maybe she just made sense of mine :) We watched the most bizarre movie I have ever seen and then talked more til we both drifted off. Yesterday we adventured to Santa Cruz, it was 72 degrees out, we wore summer dresses and played in the water and got a little red and it was sooo wonderful. We had so much fun. And laughed so hard, and talked about so much life and how we want to live and the things that are important to us, and she reminded me of the me who is the best me. Thats what RYLA does for you, brings out the best you. We talked about loving people for all their good, and learning to do something else with the little things that get to you other than be frustrated, we talked a lot about letting go, and living in a way that we love so much and take all of life in. We talked about being so fortunate, and taking care of us, and exploring, and giving, and the yellow RYLA house we are gonna have on the beach for summer trips together where the walls will be covered with pictures and words of focus and song lyrics and it will be so full of love. I had tears streaming down my face watching her try to pick a lemon with a scarf cause she couldn't reach it. It was perfect, and it reminded me of how fortunate I am, I have THE most AMAZING people in my life to make me better, and remind me of the things that matter, and model the best ways to live for me. It is really amazing, I have a really great life.
RYLA has taught me how to live, has reminded me of some of my most cherished values, of the things in relationships that matter most, and as a reminder to me, some of the things that I want to remember every day, every second to be, to exude are
-love, love for life and love for the people around me
-openness
-genuineness
-honesty, not only with others but with myself
-loyalty and consistency- i want to put off to every single person in my life the values that matter, i dont want to be less caring and gentle with my mom than i am with my friends or less
-loving people for all the good that they are
-giving
-passionate
-understanding
and so so so much more. Kels makes me better and inspires me. She loves and gives to no end and it is so spectacular. All of the RYLA fam makes me want to be better and I feel so incredibly lucky to have them in my life :)
Its also finals week, and I am exhausted from fitting as much in while she was here plus getting up early to study and spending hours in the library before she was here so I didnt have to study the whole time she was here. I'm a little brain dead. One down two more to go..spanish and ethics, the ones I need to do well on so I can get an A. I'm trying to study harder and more and in different ways. And also to SLOW DOWN on tests because I make stupid mistakes cause I fly.
I'm also trying to make the most out of my days and get up early and take in the sunshine and swim a lot and just experience so much wonderful life.
Spring break is SO soon and I am so excited. :) It is gonna be amazing
I'm really lucky, thats really all there is to it
It was absolutely out of this world wonderful to have her here, like I can't even put it into words. She wasn't even here for a full two days but we fit in SO much talking and laughing and loving and seeing. Sunday we laid in the grass and talked life and explored campus and made sense of each others heads, or maybe she just made sense of mine :) We watched the most bizarre movie I have ever seen and then talked more til we both drifted off. Yesterday we adventured to Santa Cruz, it was 72 degrees out, we wore summer dresses and played in the water and got a little red and it was sooo wonderful. We had so much fun. And laughed so hard, and talked about so much life and how we want to live and the things that are important to us, and she reminded me of the me who is the best me. Thats what RYLA does for you, brings out the best you. We talked about loving people for all their good, and learning to do something else with the little things that get to you other than be frustrated, we talked a lot about letting go, and living in a way that we love so much and take all of life in. We talked about being so fortunate, and taking care of us, and exploring, and giving, and the yellow RYLA house we are gonna have on the beach for summer trips together where the walls will be covered with pictures and words of focus and song lyrics and it will be so full of love. I had tears streaming down my face watching her try to pick a lemon with a scarf cause she couldn't reach it. It was perfect, and it reminded me of how fortunate I am, I have THE most AMAZING people in my life to make me better, and remind me of the things that matter, and model the best ways to live for me. It is really amazing, I have a really great life.
RYLA has taught me how to live, has reminded me of some of my most cherished values, of the things in relationships that matter most, and as a reminder to me, some of the things that I want to remember every day, every second to be, to exude are
-love, love for life and love for the people around me
-openness
-genuineness
-honesty, not only with others but with myself
-loyalty and consistency- i want to put off to every single person in my life the values that matter, i dont want to be less caring and gentle with my mom than i am with my friends or less
-loving people for all the good that they are
-giving
-passionate
-understanding
and so so so much more. Kels makes me better and inspires me. She loves and gives to no end and it is so spectacular. All of the RYLA fam makes me want to be better and I feel so incredibly lucky to have them in my life :)
Its also finals week, and I am exhausted from fitting as much in while she was here plus getting up early to study and spending hours in the library before she was here so I didnt have to study the whole time she was here. I'm a little brain dead. One down two more to go..spanish and ethics, the ones I need to do well on so I can get an A. I'm trying to study harder and more and in different ways. And also to SLOW DOWN on tests because I make stupid mistakes cause I fly.
I'm also trying to make the most out of my days and get up early and take in the sunshine and swim a lot and just experience so much wonderful life.
Spring break is SO soon and I am so excited. :) It is gonna be amazing
I'm really lucky, thats really all there is to it
Monday, March 15, 2010
my life is really really good
Good morning, I dont have a lot of time. I got up early to study some, Kels is here from last night til tomorrow morning, and I don't have any finals today but I wanted to keep it fresh in my head. Anyways shes sleeping for a bit more and then we are gonna go on an adventure. To Santa Cruz cause I love that place and when people are in California they wanna go to the beach, and its 70 degrees out today..um freaking AWESOME. We are having so much fun, yesterday we did nothing but walk around campus and lay in the sunshine and talk about all of life. I love having her here
I really just wanted to say that my life is really really really good. Everyday I realize how lucky I am. Everyday I get to have the most wonderful people in my life, am living in an absolutely wonderful place with so many awesome opportunities and so much beauty around me. I get to do so much amazing stuff and everyday I am so aware of how fortunate I am.
Kels and I have been talking a lot about loving life and people and every single thing we see and day we are given.
And I just think my life is really great and Im really lucky. So if your reading this thanks, you people are the reason my life is so great. Go take in the beauty of life, its everywhere, sometimes we just forget to open our eyes :)
I really just wanted to say that my life is really really really good. Everyday I realize how lucky I am. Everyday I get to have the most wonderful people in my life, am living in an absolutely wonderful place with so many awesome opportunities and so much beauty around me. I get to do so much amazing stuff and everyday I am so aware of how fortunate I am.
Kels and I have been talking a lot about loving life and people and every single thing we see and day we are given.
And I just think my life is really great and Im really lucky. So if your reading this thanks, you people are the reason my life is so great. Go take in the beauty of life, its everywhere, sometimes we just forget to open our eyes :)
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
ready, set, GO!
last time i said that one of my favorite things to do is blog, or sometime i said that.
but one of my more favorite things to do is read other people's blogs, especially Mei Ratz's blog. She inspires me so much, so so much. To look inside me and learn and outside me and learn more and to love and live and smile and enjoy life sooo much, she understands a lot and sees things so amazingly. I love things that inspire me.
Its "dead week"..the idea is that we just have no work so we can study for finals. Some teachers listen, some don't at all, but somehow it still does not feel like a nice fun week. It feels gross and stressful and hard to motivate. But its ok, we are trying to motivate. We stopped for a game of EXTREMELY competitive catch phrase tonight against a couple other floors for our buildings olympics and it was SO FUN and quite refreshing and got me REALLY fired up. Now I kinda want to motivate but i kinda wanna go play some really crazy fun sport, I miss team sports.
My roomate who I love so dearly drew me a pretty picture mocking the things in our lives that seem to give us the most problems. It made me laugh and made me realize there is a whole half a species having these same problems, or something like that :)
My wednesdays are CRAZY and today was the end of that craziness. Today was my last day at Rocketship (the elementary school I go to once a week to help the kiddos read for my Soc class) and the one boy I spent the most time with made me so sad. They just could not understand why we weren't coming back. And I dont blame them, what right do we have to just come in and help them and leave out of the blue. I feel bad :( and I wish i could keep in touch somehow. I always think its the craziest things how some people just come in and out of your life so quickly and still have such an affect but then they are just gone. I have always wanted to do the big brother/big sister program and I looked into it last night cause now that I'm 18 and out of Leadville (where there is nothing) I actually can apply. I think you have to have a car so I'll have to call about that but I REALLY REALLY wanna do it, thats a long lasting effective relationship, and as much as one time or one month or one year things are awesome, i need a little balance of staying in people's lives and being there for them forever. So hopefully I can figure that out soon :)
Kelsey is coming this weekend. Her spring break is during my finals so she is just gonna be here for a couple days but i am sooo excited. So excited to have her huge heart here to share with and play with and love life with. I miss her like crazy and we all get so caught up in the chaos of everyday life that we never have time for more than "miss you love you hope things are well" and even though two days is too short its at least more, more time for us to feel and talk and just be together. oh man i cant wait!
Then its Spring Break and I really cannot wait for that
And then Im thinking about going home for Easter weekend, since I go to a Catholic school we have a three day weekend and I miss the mountains and the fresh air and the blue sky and stars. So I think Im gonna go home and its gonna be weird and short and nobody will really be there but I think I'll take full advantage of that and play outside a little and just be there with myself and my mom and the blue sky. And away from the sirens, I get a little sick of hearing them all the time, its not like that at home. It will be really nice :)
There is a little funk around here. Final stress. Lots of girl. I dunno just life. But there are so many good things to hold onto. And so many outlets to get rid of the funk. and i am SO excited for everything other than finals. But I gotta get through those to get there, so this is me motivating myself. I need to do well on a couple of them. Gym time, then some more homework. Ready, set, GO
but one of my more favorite things to do is read other people's blogs, especially Mei Ratz's blog. She inspires me so much, so so much. To look inside me and learn and outside me and learn more and to love and live and smile and enjoy life sooo much, she understands a lot and sees things so amazingly. I love things that inspire me.
Its "dead week"..the idea is that we just have no work so we can study for finals. Some teachers listen, some don't at all, but somehow it still does not feel like a nice fun week. It feels gross and stressful and hard to motivate. But its ok, we are trying to motivate. We stopped for a game of EXTREMELY competitive catch phrase tonight against a couple other floors for our buildings olympics and it was SO FUN and quite refreshing and got me REALLY fired up. Now I kinda want to motivate but i kinda wanna go play some really crazy fun sport, I miss team sports.
My roomate who I love so dearly drew me a pretty picture mocking the things in our lives that seem to give us the most problems. It made me laugh and made me realize there is a whole half a species having these same problems, or something like that :)
My wednesdays are CRAZY and today was the end of that craziness. Today was my last day at Rocketship (the elementary school I go to once a week to help the kiddos read for my Soc class) and the one boy I spent the most time with made me so sad. They just could not understand why we weren't coming back. And I dont blame them, what right do we have to just come in and help them and leave out of the blue. I feel bad :( and I wish i could keep in touch somehow. I always think its the craziest things how some people just come in and out of your life so quickly and still have such an affect but then they are just gone. I have always wanted to do the big brother/big sister program and I looked into it last night cause now that I'm 18 and out of Leadville (where there is nothing) I actually can apply. I think you have to have a car so I'll have to call about that but I REALLY REALLY wanna do it, thats a long lasting effective relationship, and as much as one time or one month or one year things are awesome, i need a little balance of staying in people's lives and being there for them forever. So hopefully I can figure that out soon :)
Kelsey is coming this weekend. Her spring break is during my finals so she is just gonna be here for a couple days but i am sooo excited. So excited to have her huge heart here to share with and play with and love life with. I miss her like crazy and we all get so caught up in the chaos of everyday life that we never have time for more than "miss you love you hope things are well" and even though two days is too short its at least more, more time for us to feel and talk and just be together. oh man i cant wait!
Then its Spring Break and I really cannot wait for that
And then Im thinking about going home for Easter weekend, since I go to a Catholic school we have a three day weekend and I miss the mountains and the fresh air and the blue sky and stars. So I think Im gonna go home and its gonna be weird and short and nobody will really be there but I think I'll take full advantage of that and play outside a little and just be there with myself and my mom and the blue sky. And away from the sirens, I get a little sick of hearing them all the time, its not like that at home. It will be really nice :)
There is a little funk around here. Final stress. Lots of girl. I dunno just life. But there are so many good things to hold onto. And so many outlets to get rid of the funk. and i am SO excited for everything other than finals. But I gotta get through those to get there, so this is me motivating myself. I need to do well on a couple of them. Gym time, then some more homework. Ready, set, GO
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Rainbow kinda day :)
Today I saw a rainbow. and then when I was driving to Homesafe (that didnt happen) "If I Saw You in Heaven" by Eric Clapton came on the radio.
Thats an Eric day :) Everytime I see a rainbow its like Eric is saying hello, its just connected for whatever reason. And one day at the cottage in Michigan dad was standing on the porch looking out at the lake while this song was playing and said "this is my song for Eric" and I will never forget the feeling, the day, the understanding, the emotion that came out of the seemingly emotionless man. And so it stuck, and everytime I hear the song I think of dad and Eric together, and then me too, and this totally different life that maybe we can experience in another world. Those little reminders just make my heart soar and feel full of love :)
Other then that it was kind of a Monday day, a day where I needed a little Eric love. I threw out my back for the 2nd time in a month (Im 19 arent I? jeeeezz!), didn't get the grade I wanted on my spanish test, and was just a tad bit moody and emotional and wanting those sweets that i gave up ;) ya, one of those days. The weather was moody too, one minute it was sunny and the next it was pouring and apparently it even hailed, crazy. Finals are coming up and its stressful. I really need to kick ass on a couple of my finals, so its time to crack down. But after that is SPRING BREAK and i couldn't be more excited.
Liv was here this weekend and it was really really nice. We took an awesome adventure on Friday first to Santa Cruz to hang out and have a little picnic on the beach and walk around in the beachy down town, then we drove up along the coast to San Fran which is one of the most beautiful drives ever and we just took it all in. We stopped at a little strawberry farm and tried their jam and strawberry lemonade and cider and it was sooo cute and stopped at this light house and took pictures of the pretty water and we talked and talked and talked and talked. Then we went to San Fran and guessing the whole way made our way to the bridge and had a DELICIOUS dinner in the Marina. It was a wonderful day. And a super awesome weekend. Liv and I could talk and talk for days, we just get each other and like to think about life and it was so nice to have her here and share my world and be best friends and laugh sooo much at the stupidest things. We almost got in a slight accident one time from laughing too hard, thats good laughing :). It was great.
We reminisced a little. About that crazy little life we created over the span of five years. Of all the friends and boys and ups and downs and adventures and sports and so much more that made up our time at SHS and how really really great senior year was. It made me miss it. We talked about how you spend all this time figuring it out then senior year we felt like we had a great group of friends and things were awesome, then bam we start over. Such a good start over though. It was also ski joring weekend at home. I was missing that too, that little life and my friends and the mountains. I'm gonna go home for our three day weekend over Easter and soak it up cause as ready as I was to get out I miss it.
Time for bed. I've been getting up early. Trying to make the most out of my days. I like waking up in the morning and opening the blinds, turning on some Jack Johnson and slowly waking up. And then swimming and showering and letting the day start off awesomely. Maybe Im becoming a morning person. Haha, probably not. But just maybe.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Dont Worry 'Bout A Thing
oh life. your a funny one.
im laying in bed drinking chamomile tea and blogging. this is one of my most favorite things to do. tea is such a wonderful thing. mom made me tea all the time my whole life, its a comfort thing, and a peace thing and a calming thing, and just plain yummy. i love it. (note to self, buy more tea!)
i just came from the gym and walked under the moon and with the palm trees and smell of rain surrounding me and little wormies covering the ground. I worry about those guys, most people dont walk and look at the ground and watch out for them, they get stepped on a lot. There were no snails out tonight, must be cause the worms are night crawlers, snails are off preparing for the next day :).
Point is, life is beautiful. A really beautiful confusing crazy mess that I love dearly in all of its ups and downs.
Heres some awesome lyrics to feel and listen to
Ever been misunderstood, misused, or misled
Ever knocked on the sky
and had it fall on your head
well, don't worry 'bout it, don't worry
Ever lost your luggage, your marbles,
your house
Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Mickey Mouse
Ever been accused of murder on Music Row
Or caught in morning traffic when you
really gotta go - Oh no!
[Chorus]
Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing
Ever sat yourself down when the
seat is all wet
Or see your "ex" sucking face with
a little brunette
Don't worry 'bout it, no don't worry
Ever lost your religion, ever lost your
best friend
Or found your last record in the bargain bin
Or been stuck in a divorce like crazy glue
Or scraped someone else's gum off the
bottom of your shoe - Boo hoo!
Mmm- "Dont Worry 'Bout a Thing" by SheDaisy
Funny, as I was walking home from the gym I was thinking about all this. About how life happens. And you just gotta roll with it and I thought about all this head and heart and do and be stuff. And how dang confused I find myself sometimes. And how people come in and out and just totally effect you in the most wonderful and the most complicated ways. I spend lots of time wondering what to do, do i pour my heart out tell everyone everything I really feel, do I let life work its self out, to I play it safe and keep my mouth shut...I never know. And I get really caught up in it. Its hard to know how to nourish relationships and yourself all at the same time. Cause there are so many layers to all of it. So many layers to you, SO MANY LAYERS TO ME, maybe one of my biggest challenges is meshing my layers. And there are just lots of layers to life. Holding onto people, figuring out how they fit, where you mesh, where you don't, how life plays a role in relationships sometimes just not letting them happen. It's so confusing. But I try really hard to believe things happen for a reason, yet then there is the whole idea of creating your destiny and its a fine line between pushing too hard and worrying and wondering and just letting go and letting life happen. I think its a matter of finding a balance. If only my head could let go long enough to let things figure themselves out. Often times I get caught up, confused, and try to do something to make things better then Im confused all over again.
But when I was walking to the gym, taking in the beauty of life I had to remind my self of these lyrics, to take life as it comes, to do my best and to keep smiling and holding onto the sunshine. Cause really what more can you do.
Life is really great. All the time. And I am one of the luckiest people in the world.
Liv will be here tomorrow. I have been dreaming up a serious adventure. And extending our zip car rental into the wee hours of the night. I am so excited.
Kelsey also called last night and is coming out for her spring break. She'll be with me for two nights, boy is that exciting. Some serious RYLA in my life and finally sometime for Kels and I to talk about all the life we feel and live and wanna live. One of the fam is coming to me. Im very very excited for that as well.
Also, as if I'm not lucky enough. Zachy called today, they are gonna come visit over their spring break...wow, freaking awesome!
Its pretty cool to live in an awesome place that even though its far away people wanna come visit, exciting.
I was missing home a little today. Best friend needs me. And ski joring is this weekend. Main street covered in snow and people, crew time at Zachy's, Provin Grounds hot cocoa and blueberry muffin, mommy, that big wonderful bed, the stars, and the snow covered mountains under blue sky are really callin my name. First time I've missed home this quarter, I got a while til Ill be there again, i don't actually like that very much. I mean I just miss it there. And although I know Im gonna go a little crazy being there Im really looking forward to the summer there. So...Leadville, Im thinking of you. Soak it all in for me those of you who are there enjoyin the tradition, the beauty, the little life we've created. :)
One more thing. Im really looking forward to Spring Break. Life is REALLY crazy busy right now, starting last week through finals. Projects, papers, tests, visits, group presentations, meetings, applications, all sorts of things I'm running around like a crazy person (just how I like it) and getting to Spring Break, running away with my favorite girls and just relaxing and exploring is going to be absolutely fantastic. Im so excited :)
Alright its bedtime. I love you world and life and every single person who has been a part in making this life what it is. Good night!
im laying in bed drinking chamomile tea and blogging. this is one of my most favorite things to do. tea is such a wonderful thing. mom made me tea all the time my whole life, its a comfort thing, and a peace thing and a calming thing, and just plain yummy. i love it. (note to self, buy more tea!)
i just came from the gym and walked under the moon and with the palm trees and smell of rain surrounding me and little wormies covering the ground. I worry about those guys, most people dont walk and look at the ground and watch out for them, they get stepped on a lot. There were no snails out tonight, must be cause the worms are night crawlers, snails are off preparing for the next day :).
Point is, life is beautiful. A really beautiful confusing crazy mess that I love dearly in all of its ups and downs.
Heres some awesome lyrics to feel and listen to
Ever been misunderstood, misused, or misled
Ever knocked on the sky
and had it fall on your head
well, don't worry 'bout it, don't worry
Ever lost your luggage, your marbles,
your house
Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Mickey Mouse
Ever been accused of murder on Music Row
Or caught in morning traffic when you
really gotta go - Oh no!
[Chorus]
Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing
Ever sat yourself down when the
seat is all wet
Or see your "ex" sucking face with
a little brunette
Don't worry 'bout it, no don't worry
Ever lost your religion, ever lost your
best friend
Or found your last record in the bargain bin
Or been stuck in a divorce like crazy glue
Or scraped someone else's gum off the
bottom of your shoe - Boo hoo!
Mmm- "Dont Worry 'Bout a Thing" by SheDaisy
Funny, as I was walking home from the gym I was thinking about all this. About how life happens. And you just gotta roll with it and I thought about all this head and heart and do and be stuff. And how dang confused I find myself sometimes. And how people come in and out and just totally effect you in the most wonderful and the most complicated ways. I spend lots of time wondering what to do, do i pour my heart out tell everyone everything I really feel, do I let life work its self out, to I play it safe and keep my mouth shut...I never know. And I get really caught up in it. Its hard to know how to nourish relationships and yourself all at the same time. Cause there are so many layers to all of it. So many layers to you, SO MANY LAYERS TO ME, maybe one of my biggest challenges is meshing my layers. And there are just lots of layers to life. Holding onto people, figuring out how they fit, where you mesh, where you don't, how life plays a role in relationships sometimes just not letting them happen. It's so confusing. But I try really hard to believe things happen for a reason, yet then there is the whole idea of creating your destiny and its a fine line between pushing too hard and worrying and wondering and just letting go and letting life happen. I think its a matter of finding a balance. If only my head could let go long enough to let things figure themselves out. Often times I get caught up, confused, and try to do something to make things better then Im confused all over again.
But when I was walking to the gym, taking in the beauty of life I had to remind my self of these lyrics, to take life as it comes, to do my best and to keep smiling and holding onto the sunshine. Cause really what more can you do.
Life is really great. All the time. And I am one of the luckiest people in the world.
Liv will be here tomorrow. I have been dreaming up a serious adventure. And extending our zip car rental into the wee hours of the night. I am so excited.
Kelsey also called last night and is coming out for her spring break. She'll be with me for two nights, boy is that exciting. Some serious RYLA in my life and finally sometime for Kels and I to talk about all the life we feel and live and wanna live. One of the fam is coming to me. Im very very excited for that as well.
Also, as if I'm not lucky enough. Zachy called today, they are gonna come visit over their spring break...wow, freaking awesome!
Its pretty cool to live in an awesome place that even though its far away people wanna come visit, exciting.
I was missing home a little today. Best friend needs me. And ski joring is this weekend. Main street covered in snow and people, crew time at Zachy's, Provin Grounds hot cocoa and blueberry muffin, mommy, that big wonderful bed, the stars, and the snow covered mountains under blue sky are really callin my name. First time I've missed home this quarter, I got a while til Ill be there again, i don't actually like that very much. I mean I just miss it there. And although I know Im gonna go a little crazy being there Im really looking forward to the summer there. So...Leadville, Im thinking of you. Soak it all in for me those of you who are there enjoyin the tradition, the beauty, the little life we've created. :)
One more thing. Im really looking forward to Spring Break. Life is REALLY crazy busy right now, starting last week through finals. Projects, papers, tests, visits, group presentations, meetings, applications, all sorts of things I'm running around like a crazy person (just how I like it) and getting to Spring Break, running away with my favorite girls and just relaxing and exploring is going to be absolutely fantastic. Im so excited :)
Alright its bedtime. I love you world and life and every single person who has been a part in making this life what it is. Good night!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
inspire me
Im feeling a little bit blah, a little bit like a rainy day and knowing that there are more and more rainy days ahead. The rain is a little bit fun, but I like the sunshine a lot more. It just kinda kills my motivation. Makes me want to curl up, makes me wish I had someone to cuddle with and watch movies and drink tea and do nothing with. Problems with that...1 I have a life, school, working out, friends, ya know things I have to do, 2. i dont have a tv, 3 i dont have someone to cuddle with. So then I just kinda lay here in a blah state trying to find motivation to go work out in the rain and get out from under my covers. Wow, I sound really pathetic, its not like its that bad. Just a little blah
I also have been in a bit of a blogging rut. Im not sure why.
So i think maybe if I put the two blahs together I can maybe find some inspiration. Maybe if I write about things that have been inspiring me I will be inspired and I will also get out of my blogging rut.
Liv is coming this weekend. I want to adventure. Its gonna be rainy but we are gonna just deal. Some ideas are
- Go to San Fran and be super touristy...ghirardelli chocolate (darn i gave up sweets), the piers, fishermens wharf, maybe even a cable car?
- Go to San Fran and act like we arent tourists and do something less touristy, or just explore a different part of it
- Go to Santa Cruz and adventure, that seems to be one of my favorite past times
- Go to a movie and just be best friends together
-Just drive, drive until we find something that looks interesting, or flip a coin and decide which way to turn, see where the world takes us
- Run in the rain
- Go somewhere new, hmm where new could we go?
- Take an adventure at night, just to see things in a different light (haha a different light at night)
Hmm, this weekend will be a good inspiring adventure, whatever we do and even if it costs money, we'll get money back somehow haha
Some other things that have been inspiring me lately
Last night I went to homesafe, a women and children's shelter and played with the kiddos for a while. I've been trying to get there for a while and it finally worked out and it was great. It was fun to just play with them. I have been doing a lot of homework and reading and school with kiddos, but last night we played twister and candy lane and painted piggy banks, it was fun :)
I ordered yellow rain boots this morning, Im honestly hoping they come and since I ordered them the rain stops. But Im excited to have them for some rainy days, as long as they dont come too often, then i can just go bounce around in them.
Molly and Kali are thinking about coming to visit me and I AM SO EXCITED
This weekend I enjoyed some girl time. Love it
Mei blogged about taking care. Doing things that make your soul feel good, just for you. And I definitely have some of those things in my life.
- swimming, i am in love all over again
-running under the moonlight with my music, its really peaceful
-flowers, i have recently found an obsession with flowers, boy do i love them
- good fruit
-naps in the sunshine
-being with kids
-putting a lot of effort into my school work, that sounds so nerdy but i like the accomplished feeling, it feeds my motivation
-being busy- sometimes it makes me crazy but its how i work best, always has been
-loving people, i love ppl, i love ppl in my life, i love talking to the ppl i love, spending time with them
-dreaming, i spend so much time dreaming of where i am, where i wanna be, things i wanna do and be and see, of life and love and adventures, it inspires my everyday
-pictures...of memories, and scenery, and inspirations, and beauty, and feelings
-nature- that i need to find more of here, i miss that about home, but i also have found little things that give me some of it
also...i find out about cf on friday im anxious. either way will be fine, but i just wanna know. im also applying for ambassador, give tours, travel and promote scu, sounds good to me, id really like to get that position. there are alll these things i wanna do. and i just am always excited to do them lol
there is a lot to be inspired about :) i feel better now
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