starting the end of a perfect year

we had such a fanfreakingtastic weekend


we watched lion king 
explored los gatos
went to a candy store
ate sushi
danced our hearts out and ended the night with a rotisserie chicken
slept late
swam
went to a grad party and ate delicious food
realized freshmen year was ending and remedied the sadness with chocolate milk, cheese, mini donuts, garlic bread and a serious dance party
and today we hiked 10 long, beautiful, peaceful miles that led us to an awesome water fall.


we are ending this year right. we did it all very right.
in between jams on the way to big basin to hike we talked about how lucky we are, how perfect this year has been, how very very much we are going to miss each other


and continued to love life and each other and the adventures we've found SO SO very much


it was a great weekend.
and now the consequences are stressin in the library about all the work i failed to do this weekend.


but thats ok, freshmen year is almost over, its so worth it


i will loose sleep in a second if it means more time enjoying this wonderful year, these wonderful people who are my best friends, the girls that feel it all with me


back to crackin down...til we get to one more weekend and a few last days of fun and love and livin up freshmen year as very much as is possible :)


happy memorial day weekend, and happy june!

living for Eric

Today... May 28th


A day that fits in weirdly with my life.
A day that changed my world, and the world of those who are closest.
A day that I cannot imagine my life without.
A day that I still don't quite know how to respond to.
A day that brings thoughts, questions, created memories, wishes, and emotions back to the surface.
A day for gratitude, holding onto all that I have, and reminding myself of the things that he taught me.


Today is Eric's anniversary. Of 19 years.  A day that is for some just another day. And for us, it is a day that we look for ways to make something of.


Sometimes you wonder why...why us? why him? why?
And there are so many answers, we are strong, somewhere else needed him more, life, science...but none that justify the loss of a brother, son, friend, role model, the loss of a life. 


But most of the time, I see a rainbow, the sun shining down on me, this beautiful campus that I am so lucky to call home, a family that is out of this world, and a life that in all the ups and downs has given me more than I could ever ask for.  Most the time I am thankful to have had him touch my life. To have had four months where somehow he gave me love, he gave me understanding, he gave me a desire to know him, to learn from him, and to live in his memory. Thankful for the pictures, the one that sits above my bed reminding me, comforting me, holding me, day after day. Thankful for so much


Still I wish I could know him.  I wish he could guide me. I wish this day was just another day. I wish he could have changed the world.  I wish we could laugh, talk on the phone, go on adventures. 


Today I woke up feeling him with me, planning to take on the day feeling loved and lucky, remembering him, thanking him, celebrating his life.  I listened to my songs of him.  I thought about this life, I thought about some day, and I walked out the door with a smile on my face.


By 3:00 the stress of school, being exhausted, and for whatever reason this day reminding me, I called mom and I lost it. I was a wreck once I was sure she was ok.  I was a wreck more because I needed sleep but I also wanted to feel this day with my mom, Jesse, Ese....one of the many someones who feels Eric with me.  So i felt it, and for a short time I let myself feel the pain, the loss, the wishing we could have him, I fell asleep thinking of him and woke up again, thankful for this life, for a boy who changed my world, and for a bump in the road that has taught me to live and love and cherish every moment.


So today, like all the other days, I will let myself feel it, and then wipe away the tears and get up and go on and live. I will fuel my passion for life with adventure and relationships that make me better, with conversations that make me think, with laughter that makes my life longer.  I will continue to learn and grow and live better for your life that was taken far too young. Thank you for every lesson. <3 I love you

I think I can I think I can I think I can

It is the middle of week 9. WEEK 9!!!!! Do you know what that means? I will be done with my freshmen year in a week and a half. That is crazy talk, and my brain does not have the capacity to talk about it til it comes, but oh will there be talk.


I cannot even really think about summer yet because I am completely swamped with work. SO. MUCH. WORK. I have been in the library practically every day, my sense of time is completely off, and I have been having anxiety dreams. Stressed much?


I'll totally make it. But I have so many papers. Projects. Tests. And it always seems to be the end of the quarter when college really catches up with you. When all the teachers want to see what you have learned and your grade rests on these HUGE assignments. Stressful.


I am currently writing a paper about homosexuals in media, one about avatar, one about my trip to Buenos Aires (in spanish) and one about if Acupuncture actually works. Simultaneously. WOWZERS. So my head is totally jumping in a million different directions. And time management skills are being put to the serious test. 


Also, I figured out at least part of my sleeping problem.  Not figured out but figured out why it happens. If some sort of change is coming my mind goes crazy.  Right now its the change of going home. Sunday and Monday nights I maybe slept three hours, last night I had consecutive stressful or frustrating dreams for what seems like all night...and woke up so stressed. 


I AM SO READY FOR SUMMER.


Its ok though. I just needed to get that out. I'm getting by. With country music...which has been just lighting up my soul lately. I don't listen to it that much anymore cause none of my friends here are into it so I think thats why its been even better lately. LOVE IT


And swimming/other forms of exercise/but mainly swimming. I love it. I forget everything when Im in the pool. I focus on my breathing and my arms moving, and how many laps I've swam. No homework, no stress, no worries/excitement of going home. Just me and the water. Again, LOVE IT


We started packing a little the other night. And almost cried. Thats gonna be a really interesting thing to deal with. I leave two weeks from tomorrow. I cant even believe it.


But I am ready to be home with my best friends, I'm ready for star gazing, hiking biking running swimming, mountain air, late nights, jammin with the windows down, camping, making money, adventures, lazy days, homemade food, breakfast, fruit, and the feel of summer. Its gonna be a good one, even if letting go of this amazing year is something I can quite wrap my mind around.

Happy May 19th

happy may 19th.


I woke up to a beautiful day and went for a wonderful swim
I talked to Liv on the phone and went over all the things that we had been behind on. 
Then I had a meeting with a woman who made me really really excited. She is in charge of the undergrad pre teaching major and they are trying to get a new track approved that is EXACTLY what I want. Not a maybe that would work or that could be cool or somehow it will relate a THAT IS PERFECT AND EMBODIES EVERYTHING THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME! Some education, some policy, child development, community leadership and advocacy. Thats the best way I know how to explain it but she showed me the course checklist and it is awesome. Keep your fingers crossed that it gets approved for next year.


I ate delicious sushi with Lauren.
Celebrated twin day, learned about plants, solved kindergarten drama, and took in the moments of faces lighting up about life at LUCHA.
Did too much homework.
Had mango ice cream and SCCAP talk.
And just acted like a little kid with my most favorite and go to childish actions rockstar Hayley.


She's my favorite. And my peace of mind and so much more. There is some immaturity around here, some drama, some attention needing, some girlness, some regular life, and lots of other somethings.
But through it all Hayley and I can hold onto each other for reason and venting and talks about passion and laughter that makes my stomach and my cheeks hurt and my life longer. Wooo. 


Last night we talked about life, just like almost every other night.  We talked about passion. A lot about passion.  About finding passion, about sharing passion, and loving people who have passion.
I feel like senior year I learned a lot.  And found a faith in life that helps me hold onto the good and understand that things work out, really they do, I dont know how or why or when or in what order, but I really believe somehow, eventually they do.  And after finding a faith in life. Trusting that I can go for the ride, letting go a little and worrying about me instead of life not working out, I started to find some things that make me soar, that make my soul bigger. I started to find passion. And I am not letting go of it for as long as I live. Passion makes life go, makes it pure and exciting and full. Finding other people with passion make that excitement even better, life even more bright and juicy and exhilarating. Its fantastic.


Last night I watched a teenage boy with autism play the piano in a way that I could not even comprehend.  All with his fingers, he watched the audience, the paintings on the wall, the thoughts in his head, and he played music like an absolute star. It was amazing, had the whole room grinning ear to ear. It was a celebration of ability. So much ability, so much more than what these people who turned out a little different are defined by. Sunshine, ability, passion...its all in the same category.


I am craving the mountain air. The stars. The best friends. Home cooked food. Fresh fruit and vegetables. My own space. My own time. The feel of summer. Ya know that life, that feels far away, which is weird, and is getting closer. 


School is crazy busy til the end, I have such mixed emotions about this year ending but I do miss home. And there are things about this summer that will be great, some that will be hard, and others that hold something unknown, to be explored and navigated and figured out. 


Goodnight. Cheers to May 19th. And every other day. Cheers to busy days. Best Friends. Passion. Excitement. 


Cheers to life

Bay to Breakers 2010!

mmm...the sound of rain pitter pattering and the smell of it mixing with the blooming flowers, and the snails coming out. during the day I want sun. But at night I dont mind the rain...its peaceful and refreshing and smells delicious. And the little snails come out...and I walk staring at the ground to make sure I dont step on them, poor guys they get stepped on all the time.  I just went for a run in the rain and Space Cowboy and Wagon Wheel came on, sounds of summer time at home with my best friends. And All For You, Keep Bleeding, Orange Blossoms, Chicken Fried, summer memories, somewhere, some year, with someone, lots of someones, real special ones :). I like how music just brings ya back. But oh do I have so much to talk about other than rain and music.

Yesterday was Bay to Breakers. Its a "running race" in San Fran, but really other than like 1/8 of the people its just a crazy day of so much fun and chaos. People dress up in all sorts of crazy costumes, drink a lot of alcohol and have a ton of fun. Its a huge huge thing in San Francisco and as we learned starting at 4:30 am also a huge thing at Santa Clara.  It was one of the most fun, craziest days of my life. And definitely a story for the books and such a necessary college experience. We spent all of Saturday finding and making our costumes, went to bed at midnightish, got up at 4:15 and got ready and were at the Cal Train station by 5.  The train came at 6 and it was an insane mosh pit of people...like I couldnt even move my feet I was just being swept away with all the people, and thought my lungs might collapse. We got on and Hayley and I sat at the top and just watched the chaos.  It felt like we were in the 60's and it was absolutely insane.  Totally packed with college students in crazy costumes passing around all sorts of exciting things..just imagine.  It was quite the sight and completely unforgettable.  This is all before 7 am, imagine how the rest of the day progressed. We walked almost 5 miles than realized our feet were killing us and we had been up and at it for more than 6 hours so we found our way back to the cal train.  It was a blast, feels like a dream it was so crazy and fun and we saw Santa Clara people everywhere.  I am so so glad we went and it was a perfect dose of crazy to last me a while.  Unforgettable, totally college esque, and sooo fantastic to get to be a part of the culture of that crazy city. Man...insane! Oh and when I got home my entire body ached, I felt like I was hit by a train, but it was completely and utterly worth it. 

On another note, Saturday was also an awfully early morning. We went to Julianne Street Inn which is a transition home (SCCAP Retreat gave us a fever to want to try out all the programs :)) where a group goes every Saturday morning (5:20 am) to cook and serve breakfast to the people who live in the home. Not only was it fun to cook breakfast with some awesome people but after we served we got to sit and chat with the residents. It was amazing.  Each and every one was so interested in talking to us, had so many questions about school, stories, feelings, thoughts and excitement to have someone new to talk to. I get so excited to work with kids that I forget there are adults out there that need me too and it was just a really awesome experience to chat with them.  I definitely want to go back.

Its week 8. How on earth did that happen.  Im just gonna avoid thinking about this year ending. Freaks me out.

majors? jobs? real life? "what are you gonna do with THAT?"

so.... i have a constant battle about what the heck I'm gonna do with my life.  Everyday I think about it, everyday I wish I had a concrete plan, everyday I have a new idea for what I'll major in, and how it will help me. But it just never seems good enough...for whatever reason to me...and then I tell other people and I get this response, a response people warned me about, but its just a little discouraging.


I am sure about sociology, not because I know exactly what I will do with it but because I love it. I think it is so interesting and it makes me want to keep learning and helping and making a difference. I just wish I knew how.  Everyone tells me sociology applies to so many things (just kidding not everyone, just the people who are supposed to say that)...and I think they are right, it applies to a lot, but what does it apply to that I actually want to do with my life, and that I wont be living on the streets... And while money is by no means the most important thing in my world, not even close, it is something, its something that you need, and if nothing else, I want to be able to have a stable life for my kids, to raise a family in a space where we can learn and grow and play, and not constantly worry about money. I dont need to be rich, not at all, just stable.  Yahoo put out a ten worst paying jobs list, and boy did I know I shouldn't look at it. But social work is the worst paying job. First of all, why are the things we need most payed so little...I mean I guess except doctors.  Teachers, social workers, counselors, childcare people, people that help people, get nothing, and people need helped, this world needs helped. Second of all, no matter how little money matters, that is a little discouraging. 


Its not discouraging enough, because I'm encouraged by the fact that it is so interesting, that it's what I want to do, that helping people and learning about why things are the way they are is so interesting to me. And everyday I just try so hard to hold onto the fact that it WILL somehow work out. I'm encouraged by the fact that I love it. 


And still searching for something else to add on. I have gone through lots of ideas...psych, english, urban ed minor, spanish and today I thought of maybe doing a liberal studies major also...which is like the education undergrad. So i go through all these thoughts and ask people what they think and people say "what are you gonna do that" and I list the options and the thought pattern but I kinda wanna scream "I don't freakin know what Im gonna do with it..I just like it" Cause thats it...i like it and thats how I try to choose these things, but some people choose things by jobs and money. And i'm not sure where the in between is. And its challenging to figure out.  


But here is todays thought.   Of all the thoughts I have had I have only been able to put one thing into words... some sort of organization that helps teen moms and their babies, all the way through. Helps them with school work, getting ready for the baby, raising the baby, finding jobs, all that stuff. And for that I need to be able to educate, have some sort of developmental psych and also do social work. Thats like a way for me to put everything I have into something concrete. And thats why I think liberal studies...cause its education, its development, its a little mix of everything. But... who knows if it would actually work, maybe it would be a lot of extra that I don't need,  a lot of history and math and science for teachers to teach...and do I really wanna teach? Not to mention, how the heck is that gonna happen, and I definitely need something to get me there, something in between...so maybe I'll do social work, maybe I'll teach, and poor for a while is fine...I just want to know that eventually I will be stable and happy...together :)


Bah soooo many questions and its all so damn abstract and I just wish I could figure out how to put it into life.  And Jes says business is so important, and I guess there are lots of other options but it just sounds dry. And all I know is I want to help people and I want to work with kids. So... how do I do that. Bah


I'll figure it out, but suggestions are much appreciated :)

exactly where I am supposed to be

hello :)
so im slow because i just have way way way WAY too much to say. and to ponder. and to love. how awesome is that. Having way too much to love. :)

This weekend was amazing in a way I cant quite put into words. The people, the ideas, the stories, the laughter, the views, the excitement, the big things that are coming, the love, the passion, the camping, the smores (with reese's), the dirty camping smell, the fire, the inside jokes, the everything...was out of this world. I found my place, my home, my family.  Margot ( one of the amazing amazing pc's who seems to see the world just like I do and is freaking great) said "the feeling that this is exactly where I am supposed to be is (some adjective for fantastic that I dont know" and thats the perfect way to put it. I feel like SCCAP is exactly where I am supposed to be. With these people who have such big hearts and dreams and thoughts. These people who are passionate about making change, who see the inequalities and struggles that the world faces and smiles and looks for ways to help people, and can hold onto the littlest bit of being able to give and make change. These are the people I want to spend time with. The people who make me question and dream bigger and give me more hope than I ever knew possible. I am so excited.


I will be the program coordinator for L.U.C.H.A (Learning in an Urban Community with High Achievement). Its an elementray school made up of mostly Latino students in a lower class area where we work in classrooms of Kindergartners, 1st Graders and 3rd Graders. I have been volunteering there this quarter with the kindergartners and they are so dang cute. So much fun to watch their little faces light up when the math problem clicks, or when they get to run and play and enjoy each others company, or when the notice even for a milli second how much you care. And I get to spread this awesome program and opportunity to all sorts of people, and make the program my own. I am in the education and mentoring program with 3 other program coordinators and our department coordinator and it is going to be fantastic.  All working together to help kids out, to make a little bit of a dent in the problems that make up education, that really make up the U.S. as a whole.  We get to play with the kids and see them learn and grown and help the Santa Clara Community see the world from a new perspective and give back. Fanfriggintastic :)


I came back and I just felt blanketed in love and excitement. I had lunch with Hayley and we talked and talked and talked about everything under the sun. About how much we are in love with life right now and how lucky we feel everyday and how great it is to constantly be excited to learn and grow and see new things. SCCAP is just an exaggeration of all that I have been feeling all year, a concentration of people who all feel the same thing. Thanks life for making it possible for me to be a part of that amazingness. 


I have lots more thoughts. We (Hayley and I...the other half of my brain) talked a lot about summer. And I'm afraid of loosing this crazy excitement for life, this love of learning and growing and seeing new things that is fueled everyday here. I am afraid of going home and getting caught up in the same old and forgetting this excitement, this need to adventure and learn and grow. I'm looking for ways to hold onto it. I'm gonna try and make the old and familiar new and exciting, and also hold onto the comfort of that place and try to bring back with me what I found here. I want to show my mom all the excitement that life is, I want to help other people feel what I feel. And I want to make the most of it :)


One last thing. Today Mei blogged about doing it big. Taking the risk. Feeling the emotions. Wearing the crazy clothes, being the champ that you are just for you. And I like that. I have been thinking about all this protecting we do in life. Protecting of our emotions of our fears of our worries of our questions. And sometimes I wonder if we would stop protecting and start putting it all out there...if life would feel a little more full. We all have those things in our lives that we struggle with what to do with. Do I say something or do I not? Me too, all this things I want to say to people and just forget about...and sometimes I just think I should stop protecting me. Maybe we should all stop protecting and start living...all the way...feeling all the way...being all the emotions that we are and letting them create our relationships and our lives and guide our dreams and passions. Maybe...just maybe, life would be a little more clear. 


Just a thought :)

hello :)


today is a wonderful day. its sunny out. friday. one of my classes was cancelled. started out the morning with a swim. AND (drum roll please) SCCAP retreat in t minus 4 hours. All we know is that we are going camping and I am beyond freaking exciting. For an adventure, and a bunch of awesome new people, and learning and growing and having a RYLA esque weekend. Man I am excited!


Last night I didn't have any homework which was way off compared to the rest of the week and I didn't know what to do with myself. I was in a way crazy mood and super bored so I decided to read through some old old blogs. I read through the ones from before school started and some around Christmas time.  All the nerves and excitement and good byes and crazy emotions involved in moving here and starting school seem so long ago even though the actually moving in seems like just yesterday.  I talked about how someday this would be the life that I was so accustomed to and that mattered more than anything which was weird since it was so hard to let go of that life. Guess what, I'm there, this is home, and I miss the other home and my friends but here is where my life is and I am completely involved and beyond content in this world :) love it. Its funny looking back on that, thinking about how things change, how I've grown, how much of an amazing adventure this has been.


Summer is approaching fast...4 weeks left, insanity. Everyone at home is getting out of school and its making me a little ancy to be there with them, but still i am not ready to leave here. I recently realized that the reason I love this life is because its so much constant new and learning and growing and excitement and Im scared of this summer being...stagnant and boring and same old. I want to do things that make me excited, and love every minute of it, and adventure.  So along with my whole other list of things to do I am going to try to find a way to work with kids..I have done all sorts of stuff all over the place with kids but haven't really in Leadville and I think its time I do something there cause there is definitely the need I just have to reach out and find where..


Time to get ready for SCCAP :) so excited! Be ready for lots when I get back! Happy happy weekend.

happy end of Monday :)

hello and happy end of Monday...end of Monday's are always much happier than beginnings of Mondays. At least the last two that I have slept through my alarm and woke up in a frantic rush to get to work.  Waking up for class is not a big deal, nobody expects anyone to be put together at 8 am on a college campus...waking up late for work is another story. I have to look presentable, and alive and in dressed in nice clothes, I cant wear jeans, let alone sweats...anyways, my day started out flustered, and plugged up cause of this dang cold. Super plugged up, hopefully I can get rid of it soon.


I was tired and cranky and I called my mommy and she listened and told me it was gonna be ok and told me how to get better and told me about the snow and the "nice" 34 degree weather and my doggies and made everything feel better. I love it when she does that. And I hold onto the comfort that she will forever be able to do that just when Im about to crack.


Before I get ahead of myself. We had a wonderful weekend. Saturday we drove to Big Sur, music jammin, takin in all the sights and smells and enjoyin every minute of our time together (we're starting to be awfully aware of the fact that we are leaving each other WAY TO SOON).  The ocean was bright blue and the sun shinin and good music and dancing like the crazies we are prepared for a day of fun. We hiked on this awesome trail that turned into a non trail that was totally overgrown and got a little complicated and got to the almost top and looked out over the ocean then we hiked back down and went down by the water and had lunch on the cliffs and climbed on the rocks and took it all in. And once again I was reminded of how freaking lucky I am, how cool it is that I get to live in this place, that has SO much to offer me..including LOTS of sunshine and lots of beautiful ocean and other sights to take in. Its pretty much awesome.


We had dinner at Lauren's house last night and as always it was out of this world. The food and the company.  We all have pretty crazy schedules now and its fun when we all get to get together away from school and just laugh and be the crew that we used to spend every waking minute with (its grown by one or two everytime we go). Lauren's parents are so amazing and cook us so much yummy food and we sat outside and laughed and enjoyed the home cooked food and the love of parents and it was absolutely wonderful.


Hayley and I went to church, we've come to really enjoy it even though we are totally unsure of it. The messages are relative in life. And its really calming and gives us a chance to stop and think and enjoy the love that this campus embraces. It gives me something to hold onto, something to think about and maybe someday I'll figure it out or maybe I will forever go back and fourth and just enjoy the part of the message that I can relate to my life :)


So after I talked to my mommy my Monday looked up. Stella but my froyo cause shes a wonderful awesome roomate who totally knows and understands when I need a little love. And I took a nice nap and got some homework done and than FINALLY got a much anticipated call. I GOT THE SCAAP PROGRAM COORDINATOR POSITION,  all within 3 minutes of Keely and Alex also getting the position, it was perfect. We are all so excited. I am so excited, to get even more involved in the service that I came here so excited to do, and to become so close to a whole new group of absolutely awesome people. We have our first retreat this weekend and I am SO EXCITED! So...thanks Britt and Susan for helping me get that, oh and the rest of the world for making me who I am :)


Its week 6...that means we have FOUR WEEKS PLUS FINALS. That is insane. We are trying to fill every minute with each other and fun. And we are so scared of leaving each other for the summer. I'd say thats an accomplished year when you arent ready for it to end. 


OH also...Zachy graduated this weekend. And I so wish I could have been there. But I am just so proud of him, so proud of how much he loves his graphic design stuff and how proud of the amazing boy that he is. I'm lucky to have him in my life. And excited to spend my summer with him :). Go Zachy, your a rockstar and I have SO many more thoughts for you but they will have to come in spurts <3


K its bedtime, maybe I can not sleep through my alarm tomorrow and not be a stress case getting ready, days start off WAY better when you have time to move a little slow and breathe a little and think about what your gonna wear. 


Hope your life is as wonderful and rich and exciting and sunshiney as mine. If not I advise you go on an adventure :) 

bowling bowl head filled with thoughts of a year ago

its friday night...and im lying in bed with a kleenex attached to my nose and going between wrapped in a million covers to pulling them off dying off heat. sick. ugh. no fun. my head feels like a bowling ball full of juice that might just explode soon. too graphic? sorry. i also drank a concoction of vinegar, honey and cayenne pepper that alex says will cure my throat. it better. being sick is when you miss home the most. the comfort of your couch tv, books, tea, and mommy at hand. fireplace, silence, and being taken care of.  ill be fine...just feeling a little unfun for now. and hoping to wake up better so i can hike big sur tomorrow :/


so tonight shs had airband, tomorrow prom. And boy does that have me reminiscing. First of all this was seriously one of THE funnest weekends of my life.  Amazing amazing people, crazy fun airband (IB KRUNKIN), frantically getting ready with Liv and running between houses and appointments, Mindy, Kam and Jess being there for pictures, yummy dinner, SOOOO much fun dancing well crutch, hop, one legged dancing with some great support and quite the after party.  It was out of the world and I hope I never forget how much fun I had. But also, this time last year I was frantically turning in my housing deposit to SCU. In all the chaos of this coming together, stuff with my mom happening, trying to figure out the finances,  I thought that I had a deadline extension until they emailed me and said they had waived the housing deposit and to go ahead and apply anyways. Sitting in the commons before airband getting credit card numbers, realizing visa didnt work, staying up at Liv's house writing my reasons for preferencing whatever RLC's and feeling SOOO stressed about it not working out cause I literally turned it in at 11:59 pm but also so relieved to have it off my shoulders. Oh what fun. 


Crazy crazy talk how it all came together. A miracle of financial aid as I was turning in my housing deposit to USF. Fights with the family. Tears, so much excitement, so much questioning, hoping and probably some praying in there just hoping to someone bigger than me that it would work out. And guess what. It worked out, better than I ever even thought was possible. 


Its funny how that happens. Life seems to have a crazy way of making things work out. And its so damn hard to remember that in the midst of the craziness and stress and frustration and fear. But eventually, somehow it all works out. And usually in ways you could have never imagined.


So much has happened since that crazy day a year ago where it felt like so much was left undone.  So much has come together, so much up and down, so much learning and growing and seeing and emotion all in the whole idea of coming to college and the first year of college. What an amazing amazing time. Still there are things undone. Things that arent figured out. Things that scare me and make me wonder and hope and are out of my control. Things that I think are a disaster and just so dang hard. But guess what, just like this wonderful out of this world year that I have had, somehow those things are also gonna come together. Somehow. I have faith. In life, if nothing else. And I got the faith from the last year of crazy up and downs. A faith that things work out. Life has some crazy control. And somehow, it WILL all be ok, just kidding, it will be better than ok.