exactly where I am supposed to be

hello :)
so im slow because i just have way way way WAY too much to say. and to ponder. and to love. how awesome is that. Having way too much to love. :)

This weekend was amazing in a way I cant quite put into words. The people, the ideas, the stories, the laughter, the views, the excitement, the big things that are coming, the love, the passion, the camping, the smores (with reese's), the dirty camping smell, the fire, the inside jokes, the everything...was out of this world. I found my place, my home, my family.  Margot ( one of the amazing amazing pc's who seems to see the world just like I do and is freaking great) said "the feeling that this is exactly where I am supposed to be is (some adjective for fantastic that I dont know" and thats the perfect way to put it. I feel like SCCAP is exactly where I am supposed to be. With these people who have such big hearts and dreams and thoughts. These people who are passionate about making change, who see the inequalities and struggles that the world faces and smiles and looks for ways to help people, and can hold onto the littlest bit of being able to give and make change. These are the people I want to spend time with. The people who make me question and dream bigger and give me more hope than I ever knew possible. I am so excited.


I will be the program coordinator for L.U.C.H.A (Learning in an Urban Community with High Achievement). Its an elementray school made up of mostly Latino students in a lower class area where we work in classrooms of Kindergartners, 1st Graders and 3rd Graders. I have been volunteering there this quarter with the kindergartners and they are so dang cute. So much fun to watch their little faces light up when the math problem clicks, or when they get to run and play and enjoy each others company, or when the notice even for a milli second how much you care. And I get to spread this awesome program and opportunity to all sorts of people, and make the program my own. I am in the education and mentoring program with 3 other program coordinators and our department coordinator and it is going to be fantastic.  All working together to help kids out, to make a little bit of a dent in the problems that make up education, that really make up the U.S. as a whole.  We get to play with the kids and see them learn and grown and help the Santa Clara Community see the world from a new perspective and give back. Fanfriggintastic :)


I came back and I just felt blanketed in love and excitement. I had lunch with Hayley and we talked and talked and talked about everything under the sun. About how much we are in love with life right now and how lucky we feel everyday and how great it is to constantly be excited to learn and grow and see new things. SCCAP is just an exaggeration of all that I have been feeling all year, a concentration of people who all feel the same thing. Thanks life for making it possible for me to be a part of that amazingness. 


I have lots more thoughts. We (Hayley and I...the other half of my brain) talked a lot about summer. And I'm afraid of loosing this crazy excitement for life, this love of learning and growing and seeing new things that is fueled everyday here. I am afraid of going home and getting caught up in the same old and forgetting this excitement, this need to adventure and learn and grow. I'm looking for ways to hold onto it. I'm gonna try and make the old and familiar new and exciting, and also hold onto the comfort of that place and try to bring back with me what I found here. I want to show my mom all the excitement that life is, I want to help other people feel what I feel. And I want to make the most of it :)


One last thing. Today Mei blogged about doing it big. Taking the risk. Feeling the emotions. Wearing the crazy clothes, being the champ that you are just for you. And I like that. I have been thinking about all this protecting we do in life. Protecting of our emotions of our fears of our worries of our questions. And sometimes I wonder if we would stop protecting and start putting it all out there...if life would feel a little more full. We all have those things in our lives that we struggle with what to do with. Do I say something or do I not? Me too, all this things I want to say to people and just forget about...and sometimes I just think I should stop protecting me. Maybe we should all stop protecting and start living...all the way...feeling all the way...being all the emotions that we are and letting them create our relationships and our lives and guide our dreams and passions. Maybe...just maybe, life would be a little more clear. 


Just a thought :)