so much to love

I keep coming back and trying to write but it keeps not coming out right.
I'm home and my week of freedom is ending. I spent the whole last week with all of the amazing people in my life. Everytime I left someone I wished I could stay longer. So lucky and still so many more amazing people to see.  I spent the last two days in Fort Collins helpin out Mindy and watching Kamryn. We had a blast. She was so great for me and we laughed and laughed and laughed.  Part of me wishes I could just live down there and nanny for her. What a fun way to spend your summer days living them up like a kiddo.  We watched chipmunks last night and went to bed early, woke up to her little voice wanting some love, watched cartoons, loaded on the sunscreen and rode to the park.  We ate push ups and wiped our hands in the grass to get the melty stickiness off and went home and curled up for nap time.  It was wonderful and she just loved and laughed the whole time. She's at a super fun age.
I wanna be there for Mindy as much as I possibly can. Its been a rough going and I just want to make it easier.  They are so so special to me and I so did not want to leave.

I stopped to see Britt and some of the RYLA fam on the way and it was so great. They make me better. Thats what I want in life people that make me better. So much to talk about and laugh about and learn. I could spend days and days and days with them. I just really really love them

So I drove off and I felt the funk coming.  The week of fun was ending. And it was time to go back to reality and accept the fact that I am really home for the entire summer.  Home is hard. Leadville is wonderful yet still Leadville. Mom is amazing but still Mom.  Its just all so different.  Im far away from a lot of my friends and sometimes just feel like there isnt much here. So I called Hayley and we talked all about life.  About everyone at school all the things we usually talk about day after day. We talked about how weird home is.  How different it feels. How different we feel. How we feel like we have two different lives. And when I got off the phone I reminded myself to not be bitter to enjoy this.  I've been in love with the song "your gonna miss this, your gonna want this back, your gonna wish this time hadnt gone by so fast"  I think it fits to all of life. Its all really freaking good and all goes by really freakin fast.  So why not enjoy it.  And song after song came on reminding me of my plan to come home and love this place. And enjoy the peace and the quiet and needing to find ways to entertain myself.  There is good stuff here I just gotta find it.

I wanna feel the summer nights. The excitement. Watch the stars.  Go on adventures. Be spontaneous. Be outside. And just enjoy it, cause I might never be back here again. So Im gonna keep reminding myself again and again so that I dont get caught in my silly funk. There is tooo much good no matter where I am to ever wish I was somewhere else.  

I learned so much this year.  So much about me and life and the people around me.  Hayley and I were talking about how so many fewer things get to us now cause we have started to realize whats really important. We went to a party in summit with totally random people the other night and not even for one second was I concerned with what they thought about me.  And with Kam none of the little stuff got to me I just enjoyed every second of the love and fun.  And with my mom Im trying so hard to let it all be and friends and this town and everything.  There are just such bigger things out there. 

Im gonna go hang with my Zachy. And go on a bike ride tomorrow and work and then camp.  There is so dang much to love.  I just gotta keep reminding myself. :)