something you have to feel

Good morning...its 2:46 am and boy do I need to be in bed.
But somehow freshmen year ending just will not allow for sleep. There is too much to be talked about, too much fun to have, to much freshmen year to live up.
We just went swimming in the benson fountain right in the middle of Hayley and I talking about how much we love this year and how weird all this going home stuff and freshmen year ending is.
It is absolutely surreal. Thats all I know.


I am so not ready to leave this place. I have learned and grown so much. Had amazing adventures, been challenged so much, met out of this world people and have had one of the best years of my life.  Of course home is home but right now I am in this mode, in learning and growing and feeling every second mode. I just don't wanna not feel that when I go home. And this year has been uniquely awesome. Seems like most people I've talked to do not feel as attached to their freshmen year as we do. How did I get so lucky? Seriously HOW?


I'm gonna miss the crushed puffins on my floor. Stella coming in at 2 in the morning. Boys laughing about farting cats. Lauren yelling bless your soul from the room next door. Hayley 2 doors down.  Im gonna miss room 214 and Denny Jacqueline Sam Katie Ellen Kyle...all these people who I live with and have come to love more than life itself. What a wonderful wonderful life I have.


Last year when graduation was coming I wrote about living in this moment, letting the past be the past and the future be the future...and nothing more. About how this is where I am now and forever I will be where I am at that moment and why worry about what happened or whats coming.  And its true life wont stop being amazing, I'm too addicted now. But this year just went way too fast. I'm so not ready to move on from this experience, and every little thing that makes it what it is. Time scares the crap out of me...no joke its like my biggest fear.


We spent the last friday night out having a blast, laid out and swam today and then spent hours in the library with Lauren turning into our typical library crazed selfs.  We just swam in the Benson fountain and it was perfect, absolutely just what we needed.  Life is so good. SO SO SO good and I seriously cannot put into words to anybody what this year means to me, how I feel about life, how much I have grown and how lucky I am.  Its something you have to feel. 


And more than anything else, I hope everyone in the world gets a chance to feeling this feeling. Its out of this world!