Hello world.. Im in Paraguay! Who would have thought I would ever in my life say that. But here I am. Sitting outside of a house full of 15 interns from all over the world trying to find their place in this amazing organization. We got in at 3am on Saturday. Between SFO and Asuncion I read the entire Alchemist. Margot read it a few months back and kept telling me I had to read it.. it was so comforting to read on the journey here with all the bustling and grappling in my head, especially with the stop in El Salvador. My emotions were all over the place but I am trying to hold onto the trust that being in Paraguay this summer is right where I am supposed to be and that I must keep my heart open to the language of the Universe and the path that I am on.
We woke up Saturday morning and timidly made our way downstairs to meet some of the other interns. Trying to get a grasp on what everyone is doing here and how they ended up here we started to ask some questions and quickly realized that while Fundacion Paraguaya is doing amazing things interns are not necessarily their top priority. We heard mixed opinions, some very strong, others making whatever they are given work and spent the first two days just trying to figure out how to balance their opinions with a fresh set of eyes and realistic expectations. My heart was jumping all over the place trying to understand what it is we are doing here, how it will be meaningful and beneficial to everyone involved and really what real life means.
Casa has been on my mind more than ever. Being in a new country. Speaking the language. Having space from school. It has been so so hard to not compare the two. But I am trying. Yoli, CWC, Ella and Linds have all loaded me with their wisdom helping to loosen my grasp a little on that amazing experience, and slowly I will continue to loosen it, but I also think there is some necessary processing that will happen here. It is hard to understand how to do something meaningful but sensitive, spiritual, rich, and all the things Casa taught us were important in the real world. "What am I supposed to do with my life when all I really want is to create relationship and learn from people" I wrote in an email to Margot. How do we make this desire to learn from, love, be in relationship with and understand others into something that is beneficial for the world. Uh oh... sounds like that Jesuit buzz word... vocation. Casa was a one of a kind experience and I am still just beginning to understand how to take it forward in my life. But it taught me a lot about life, learning and growth and I am trying to patient with all that is unresolved in my heart, to be present and open to all that this opportunity has to offer me, to be vulnerable, loving and sensitive to this world so I can continue to take in all there is to learn.
So far has been a lot of settling in... which calls for a lot of patience. Saturday and Sunday we got groceries, did some loops around the neighborhood, organized our rooms and tried to catch up on sleep. Today we finally met some of the employees of the ogranization and had a meeting with two of the head haunchos who basically reminded us of all the organization does. I think they are a really credible organization and are doing a ton of good in this country. Their microloans, support for women, agricultural school for teens and junior achievement program for younger students all try to help bring people out of poverty and improve their employability. They are working really hard to make a difference in this country, I just hope more than anything that we can find a meaningful way to engage in what they are doing.
Asuncion is basically the rich part of the country, suburbs, offices, shopping malls, car dealerships and upper class people fill the streets. It just doesnt break open my heart and inspire me.. I want to be in contact with the people who are struggling because that is where I want to put my energy to make a difference and they are the ones who give me that energy. I dont know exactly what that means in the world of cultural sensitivity and mutual benefit but living in a city of rich people just really doesn't do it for me, so I am really hoping that we can spend time with the women who are receiving the loans, see the looks in their eyes when they talk about how it has affected their life and what has been hard. Its that raw, genuine vulnerability that really clicks for me, that makes me want to find a way to give to this world.
At least I know that now.. I might not have a year ago. I am trying to be patient. See what they decide to do with us, and also planning to be proactive and honest about how I hope my time here will look. Everyday I have to remind myself to keep my heart open.. I am not in El Salvador, this will not become Casa and this is a completely beautiful unique experience that deserves so much more than to be constantly compared to Casa. The grappling has begun and the wheels in my head are constantly turning.. and I know that in itself is so very important. I am studying International Development and at some point have to figure out what that looks like in the real world. How can I make a sustainable difference? How can I educate and make a meaningful change not just give or take from all the people in this world that dont have what they need? I dont know if I will ever find the answer.. but being in a situation that gets my brain working harder is a good start.
I still know barely nothing about how these next six weeks will look but I am curious to find out and am working to have the best outlook on it all that I can. It's not easy. It doesn't all make sense. And it doesn't feel as much like home as the Casa did the first night there, but I have learned to trust in something and I know something beautiful, important and rich will come out of this experience, I just have to be open and present as I patiently find my way to what it will look like.
Tomorrow we are visitng the agricultural school about two hours away and I am really excited for that. I'm excited to see more of the country and what the organization does. And everyday we get closer to knowing what we will be doing and starting to actually engage with the organization. Hopefully it is smooth and close to what we are hoping/ planning for. But mostly I just want it to be feel meaningful, beneficial, educational and not just like office work. So much love and gratitude to you all who have gotten me here. Hopefully I will have more to report next time. XOXOXO
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