Rest in Peace Grandma

My dad called a couple hours ago, Grandma passed away this morning. Wow, thats kind of all I know to say. Ive cried and cried, and feel a little alone here at school. I know people care, but its just not my mom and Ese and Zachy and Liv, I need them to hug me and hold me and just feel it a little bit with me. We knew this was coming, but it doesn't matter how much your expecting it, it still hits hard, and like Bryan and Kyle said, its kind of a numb feeling. I cant believe she is gone, that woman had the strongest will I have ever known, I thought she was going to will herself to live forever. She was amazing, she was crazy, but what grandma isn't? She held those boys together, she was the Queen of the Maddex family. So strong, so independent, a lot of things that I want to be. I cannot believe she is gone. She went when it was time though. Sounds like the last couple days she went down fast and she didn't suffer too much so thats good, she is in peace now.

I hope more than anything she is with Eric, I dont know what I believe in, but I do believe in Eric up there watching over me, and now I hope they are together, with Grandpa too, and all sorts of other amazing people. I imagine it sort of being like a birth in that world, like everyone is excited to welcome her, especially cause she had a long, well lived life. And it was time. I hope she can hug Eric, for me, for her, for mom and dad and Jesse, and for everyone else. I just can only hope she is at peace and happy and rejoicing with the people she has missed.

The cottage wont be the same without her, it really will be so different and so weird. Death is the weirdest thing, I really cant grasp it, I don't know how you are supposed to. I guess if nothing else it reminds you of how special life is and how special the people in your life are.

I'm glad I got to be with her this summer and cook for her and sit inside and read while she slept, that was a good way to spend my last time with her, a really good way.

I'm thinking about the family, i know this has to be so hard on everyone, the boys. I know its hard on my daddy, I wish i could hug him cause thats as far as emotions go with him, but thats enough in this situation. I am even more ready to go home now. I don't actually know how this is gonna feel now, we'll see. I love you Grandma, I love you everyone who is in my life. Hold on tight to those who are close to you, it's really really important.